For my first real journal entry, I invite you to have a laugh at my expense. I want to share a little story! *slight trigger warning* I just did a google image search. I was looking for a very specific picture (Don't worry, I won't describe it in any detail.) I found it in the very first row, on the very first page of search results! I just entered the model's name. I'd say the whole thing took about eight seconds. I wanted to find this image because it was the very first non-mental picture I ever masturbated to, probably twenty-two or twenty-three years ago now! At the time, it was printed on PAPER! It was a special playboy summer edition which I found stuffed into a plastic milk-crate full of dirty magazines that lived under a bed in an old hunting-camp! You could not imagine a less erotic place for a boy to have a formative sexual experience! It smelled more like grandma's book collection than something arousing! Nevertheless, there I was: thirteen or fourteen years old, thumbing through that milk-crate, absolutely transfixed. Today's image search took me less than ten seconds but back in the mid-1990s, in order to see this exact same picture, my adolescent self had to wait 'till his family was out so he could walk a kilometre through the woods to a shitty old hunt-camp on the neighbour's property where he had to physically flip through a bunch of printed media! And once he'd found the prettiest girl in the milk-crate, he brought her outside, exposed himself in the brisk air of a Canadian October and took care of himself in a drafty, tin outhouse!!! No tracking algorithms, no spyware, no pop-ups. Just paper and ink! As funny as it is to think back to that time, it's also really sad. That boy just wanted to feel something like love. He wanted it so badly that he would go to those pathetic lengths. I feel a lot of pity for him now. So, I found that damned picture today. (And I have to say, it is a good one even though the composition reeks of the 90s! There's a swimming pool... of course!) I searched for it because it seemed fitting to take a look back at the origins of this stupid thing that's been plaguing me for over two decades now. I'm ready to be rid of it. I've done my homework, I've made a plan, I've failed once before so I know what's likely to trigger me and most importantly, I'm absolutely sick of this shit! I start my day counter at midnight tonight!!! Wish me luck!!!