Re - Reconquering my manhood

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by Barneybarn, Jan 17, 2013.

  1. Barneybarn

    Barneybarn Reboot and rewire!

    I know where I want to get to, it is where I was between end of August and January.
    I am on my way getting back there. Diamond cutter arousal erections here I come :D

    The good thing is I know I am on my way, that I came quickly after 3 weeks is also okay. To be completely honest the animal part of me just wanted to blow my load as quick as possible after 3 weeks, I haven't had such a long no O streak since April.
    But now I need to go completely abstinent a little longer before I can start re-rewiring completely.
    I was mad at myself that I almost uncosciously just gave into the chaser. Now I am happy that I could perform twice within a short amount of time with a girl.

    Thanks fugu for dropping by and supporting words.

    Reboot and rewire,
    B
     
  2. lithium

    lithium New Member

    hi there,

    what do you mean by SA? would you be so kind to share with us some key issues about the people you talked to?
    cheers,
     
  3. Barneybarn

    Barneybarn Reboot and rewire!

    Well now I seem to be suffering from premature ejaculation.
    I met this really quite girl last Sunday and went on a date with her today. One thing led to another and we were at my place. She got naked and I had a semi erection. I did not have a full blown erection till the tip of my cock touched her wet vagina. Then I was like a little steam engine not being able to stop. Pounded away at her with her on the dining table and I came within 3 minutes (pulled out in the last second (she is on the pill but you never know)). I offered to please her in other ways but she was not really interested. within 30-60 minutes she got dressed, drank a cup of coffee and left.
    So I am bit frustrated with myself. Most of you know this but I am not looking to fuck around with random girls any more. I am trying to find girlfriend material.
    I thought this girl was pretty cool and we did have a certain nexus with each other ....till we finished having sex. Now I am not quite sure what to think.
    Oh well what's done is done, I'll prolly text her tomorrow to see/feel out how things are.

    Reboot and rewire,
    Barn
     
  4. Barneybarn

    Barneybarn Reboot and rewire!

    Also on this weekend office politics just cannot stay clear of me.
    It is Saturday and I just got a few e-mails concerning some deadlines that were moved up. Ergo I am going to the office tomorrow (on a fucking Sunday).
    These deadlines were only moved up because of office politics the want to be big swinging dicks and also the actual ones are in a self generated full crisis mode (actually business is going fine and if they hadn't started their power games everything would be on track). Now few of the guys started generating market data which is really distorted and sent it straight up to top management. We are making a shitload of money and have become very efficient in the last 12 months (before there were some major blind spots). Instead of working with the level of efficiency we should be we are distracted by generating reports, pointing fingers and a lot of work that in no way serves our goals and numbers. To be very honest we have hardly done anything in the last two weeks which would serve our cause, instead it was meeting after meeting discussing a crisis which if I step back and look at it does not exist but will if this bullshit keeps going on for another two weeks (we are not taking care of a lot of business that actually needs real attention).
    Now why am I so pissed, because I am in a spot I do not want to be. I was indirectly told to distort the reports by a few higher ups. I would already have a problem with this if it were in one direction. But as you have guessed it they all want me to distort into different directions. Each of these guys can easily edge me out of the company (except for my direct boss I do not have a lot of political weight behind me and at the moment that is not enough). The best way I see to do the reports is with a lot of footnotes (a really good report should have none) but I have to be careful that no one is pissed off.
    I hope one side wins this battle soon so that we can get back to the real deal. The job I signed up for and i did till about 2 months ago I really love. The political bullshit of the last months is just nerve racking. Tensions in the office are high and even the most composed people are now starting to shout at others and lose their cool.
    A part of me just wants to throw in the towel. The realistic part of me knows that this would be really stupid.

    I just needed to vent a little.

    Back to the reboot, the girl from yesterday was kind of cold/distanced. Next time (if possible with her if not with another girl) I have to take my time before it and not just jump in to the deep end.
    At the end of this reboot I know I will have my erections and horniness under control but till then I have to take care of the girls in a better way during foreplay.

    Reboot and rewire,
    Barn
     
  5. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    3 minutes is not premature ejaculation. You are not having regular sex so its to be expected.

    Also curious, going from meeting up with a girl on a date and than ending up back at your house fucking her seems hard for me to imagine doing. Did she straight up ask to go back? Or did you get her to come back for something else etc? I have always thought it would be really hard to go from a dating relationship to a sexual relationship but you did it basically in one date.
     
  6. Barneybarn

    Barneybarn Reboot and rewire!

    Hey Game, thanks for dropping by.
    Well, how should I explain this with the one date. We texted for a whole week on and off and my 2 greatest qualities are that I can replicate a procedure very well (I am not the most innovative guy, but once I understand how something works I can do it) and I am a good story teller. I read a lot and a lot of information compounded in my head. Therefore I can lead a conversation where I can go from history to politics to sex to how the brain works to music back to history and so on. I also tell her a lot of stories I have actually experienced with my friends (like going jetskiing a few weeks ago) Basically I tell a lot of stories all somehow linked but have nothing to do with each other. This gives a wide spectrum of topics also so that she can talk about it (this took time to learn but you also have to know when to shut up with a girl). I also let her tell her stories and even give tips on how to tell them better (make them more story worthy). Now she came to my place under the pretext that she will borrow a book and to check out if my dining room table was really that wobly(one of the stories) but on the way back to my flat it was already clear that it was on.
    We did "check out" the dining room table :D but we never once spoke about the book after she was here.
    I also always push the boundaries when alone with a girl. Example from friday:
    I looked at her and kind of rolled my eyes she asked me "what's going on in your head now".
    I just replied "just pondering......." and I looked at her in a cheaky way "what is under your blouse?" she smiled and unbuttoned the top two buttons then pulled it off over her head. That was when I went in for a kiss with my right hand locking firmly on on her left breast.
    I talk a lot(sometimes I do not know when I breath:D) so everytime there is a silence most girls who already know start to ask what I am thinking or why I am silent.

    Now I just reread what I wrote and I want to make one thing clear, pushing the boundaries or going in for a kiss can also go horribly wrong (and it has so many times) but if in that moment you are kendar and just tell her that you first of all misunderstood the situation and think that she is sexy then no bad blood will come of it (whether you actually get her afterwards is a completely different matter) then I usually make fun of the situation by saying something like "one more funny story to tell". I sometimes even start telling it right there in an exaggerated way.

    Basically I can fake not caring about rejection (by the way I am terrified by it but afterwards I always notice that it is not that bad, one more funny story to tell).

    Reboot and rewire,
    Barn
     
  7. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    Makes more sense now.

    I think a lot of guys leave out a lot of bits of their hookup stories which for me makes me think how did they get from A to B so easy when in reality their usually was background work before the date or lots of work during the date.

    For example a guy at work fucks a few girls from tindr every month and was like "yea so I met this girl off tindr and after the movies I said come inside and next minute im fucking her doggie style". Immediately I felt bad at how easy he got it but after questions I realized he texted her for a week, they swapped nudes on snapchat etc

    So yea thanks for writing that big post explaining cause when you say "I went on a date and one thing led to another and ik fucking her on my dinner table" im like wtf how!
     
  8. Barneybarn

    Barneybarn Reboot and rewire!

    Hey GO,
    it is not A to B. It is A to Z and if you screw up at one point too many then you can not get the girl. I am going to tell you what happened yesterday to clear a few misconceptions.
    So yesterday a buddy and me went out with the intention of wanting to meet girls (if possible even get laid but I am more realistic and was actually hoping to get laid on the weekend) (BTW the girl from Friday now freindzoned me or something like that).
    Now I was talking to these group of British girls with one Polish and one Chinese girl in it. My Buddy started to hit on the Polish girl till she started showing some pictures of her son and Mr. Muscle Husband (the guy is huge). He then slowly switched to a Brit.
    I on the other hand was pretty much trying to entertain the group but my focus was on this one British girl (who btw was a bit chubby but just had a beautiful, I mean gorgeous, face (and also glorious tits)). Everything went well till a pen appeared and we started drawing on each others hands and arms and I wrote some dirty stuff down and also pictures when she wasn't really looking). She looked back on her arm and she just freaked and started yelling at me and threw the pen in my direction but it flew to the back of the bar (it caused quite a scene). I apologized but for some reason that made it worse. Then I told her "oh well this got outta hand", now her friends started laughing which just turned her into a screaming psycho shouting at me and her friends even louder. Now, I somehow completely misjudged something yesterday and that means that I will prolly not get laid this weekend, unless a quick hook up works..
    Now if I phrase this the right way it is a hilarious story: Well we were talking about oral and I got a little carried away and wrote on her arm "how did that wonderful woman turn into a bad man?: COCKSUCKER" and also drew a picture (stickman but obvious) of a girl kneeling in front of a guy. Also just putting in the fact that the Chinese girl always put her hand in front of her mouth when she had to giggle. Then her freaking out (btw she wrote BUTTSEX on my arm :D). Exaggerated in the right way with the right details in and the wrong ones out makes it a really really funny story because she went from sexy to psycho within a blink of an eye.
    I.E, ergo concordantly get out their and do something crazy, enjoy life! I now have a ton of stories like these, also about getting rejected in the last second( in one case when I was naked and my hands tied together by my tie). In retrospect they are all funny and most of them have to do with me being to cheeky or pushing boundaries.
    The stories I never talk about are the ones with ED (although some of them also funny in a way but for me it is more like a tragedy).

    Reboot and rewire,
    Barn

    PS: Did not think I was going to post one of my fails here but GO it is fun to tell and you also see that it is not just a simple thing to get a girl
     
  9. BanquosGhost

    BanquosGhost Member

    Hey Barn,

    Just read all of your 'new' journal. It's really exciting to see you get back in the saddle and apply what you learned before. Rewiring all the way! Just also wanted to echo what gameover said about PE. 3 minutes is not PE. With me (and I had a very very long period without sex beforehand) I have only once or twice lasted as long as I used to, but even that is non-linear, and again it's about upward trend, I guess.

    By the way, your work situation sounds effing horrific. The fact that you are *living* while all of this is going on rather than seeking solace in poisonous shit (like I did once last week) is probably the best sign there is.

    Peace be...
     
  10. Barneybarn

    Barneybarn Reboot and rewire!

    I have not posted here for a while and the reason is simple,;
    I have not O'd in any way since the 10th of April. I have been so preoccupied with work and also my car needs some major service (just expected stuff because my car has a high mileage but finding the right service workshop took me ages, they are now tracking down (pretty much ordered from the factory) the parts because my car is not the most common make.
    Work is still weighing me down. Work harder play harder is not really possible. Therefore it is work hard no play.
    I am not in a flatline but sex is currently not really on my mind. Sometimes I think of masturbating just to relieve some pressure but I know that would be counter-productive for my reboot and erectile dysfunction so I always close the argument with myself within a minute.
    To achieve long term goals you do have to sacrifice certain forms of instant gratification.
    I am on the four hour body diet and have lost 25 pounds in 3 months (gained 22 the three months before but caught myself before it got out of hand). It is great to fit into my suits again (they were starting to burst:D).
    The work thing is still in the back of my mind constantly (there will be a major reshuffling in 1-2 months, this is now fact) so I am always knackered when I get home and also do not keep to my sports plan. But I started going for a 30-60 min walk before sleeping just to clear my head. It is helping somewhat, now I only lie in bed for about 30-60 min before falling asleep, before it used to be 2-3 hours.
    Because of this constant black shadow it is not that I am asexual (there are still those moments where I see a secretary or some HR girl and I notice their sexual attractiveness) but I am currently in this bubble where work (and office politics) defines 80% of my thoughts. Every time I try to get away from it my phone beeps (either e-mail or an instant message) or even rings because some one concerning work is trying to bell me (sometimes after 11pm).
    Now contractually I have to be reachable 24/7 (i.e always have my work phone with me) but I switched it off on Friday night for 4 hours (officially I was in a no cell zone... do those even still exist?) and it was bliss. I had a few drinks with a buddy, then went home and read till I fell asleep.

    This coming week the plan is simple, try to shift the work life balance a bit more in the right direction.
    I have to start living again and maybe take a few initiatives to find a girl (girlfriend material would be ideal but the company of women would be a good start after the last two weeks).
    I know the post is somewhat unstructured. My thoughts are just circling and going astray.

    Reboot and rewire,
    Barn
     
  11. Yo Barn,
    hate to see you back of course, but good to see you´re doing fine. And the fact you did the right thing by coming back to the site, despite it being embarrassing to write that first post.

    I thought i had learned everything about pmo/no pmo but i read through your journal and actually caught a couple small insights so i guess there´s always more to learn.
    + A couple of those stories are hilarious. I gotta start writing on girls arms!
     
  12. Barneybarn

    Barneybarn Reboot and rewire!

    Hey Thou,
    thanks for the support.
    That first post was necessary to break my cycle. WIthout accountability on this issue it is so much harder to not give in to my vices.
    i write on girls arms constantly, from the most benign stuff to very dirty stuff, depending on what setting I am in. It is always fun (or funny).
    I also brushed through your journal. You made good progress and I am certain that those glorious titties will keep you going.
    Reboot and rewire,
    BArn
     
  13. Barneybarn

    Barneybarn Reboot and rewire!

    How is everyone doing?
    I am still on an absolute no O streak since 10th of April. This week I got to go out a few times but I did not manage to make something more of a new acquaintance and the pickings were also not so good. On the one hand this annoys me but I still lose interest very quickly in girls. On the other hand it saves me a lot of time and ensures that I pursue speaking to more people when I go out. At the moment I just get the impression that most girls are very superficial, some of them very self absorbed and they just have nothing interesting to offer. In a word, most of them are (pretty but) dull (and not the most intelligent). Some might argue that my standards are too high but for me someone who has no idea about the world and does not take an interest in anything else other than themselves is not intriguing.

    Because of the no O streak I am starting to notice more and more girls around me and even see sexual attractiveness in girls who most would actually call ugly but as mentioned above they also usually turn out to be dull....
    So I am more horny than a few weeks ago.
    But I do not consistently have morning wood (this can also just be my current sleep cycle) and at the moment I am also not sure how I would perform in bed.
    Now concerning sleep I am not getting enough and usually just sleep in really long on Saturdays. It is kind of like my cycle back in college.

    Overall I am progressing well in the reboot. Urges to watch porn have completely faded. Thoughts of masturbation do surface but I always laugh it off. Late at night I do notice my hand moving towards my crutch more often but every time I become conscious of it my arms go on top of the sheets.

    The plan at the moment is to take everything concerning the reboot as it goes. If I get lucky and can perform then great(if the performance is not good then also not too bad ;)). If not then I will just keep building my no O streak.

    Reboot and rewire,
    Barn
     
  14. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    Your doing awesome mate.
     
  15. Barneybarn

    Barneybarn Reboot and rewire!

    Thanks for the support GO!
     
  16. Barneybarn

    Barneybarn Reboot and rewire!

    Today I had this massive erection for over 30 min and it just did not want to go away. Even started edging a few times but then I quickly stopped.
    I was horny all day and sex dominated my thoughts for a couple of hours.
    I took a cold shower, went for a walk and cleaned my apartment. If my car wasn't in the shop I would have cleaned my car too.
    Today was emotionally just full of ups and downs and I could not tell you why.
    I started of my day very productively by getting a few things done I have been pushing for a week. Met up with a few friends for lunch, got one thing for work done (and out of the way). But after I have arrived in my flat after getting cigarettes I was horny. Then I was sad. Then some music cheered me up. Then horny for at least an hour with erection for 30 min of them (with the edging). Then I was okay and then I was having mood swings like hell.
    I also thought a lot about my ex. I realized this week that I am still not over her. I do not know if I want her back but she does still have a hold on me.
    So tomorrow for me is pretty much like a workday (except for sleeping in). A few big things are lined up this week at work and (probably) two great nights out Wednesday and Thursday. The weekend is still in the planning phase but I already have a couple of options lined up (just have to decide which option to pick) With the weather this great I will definitely go to the beach on Saturday :D.

    Reboot and rewire,
    Barn
     
  17. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    I get the ups and downs as well even many weeks away from porn and the mixed in spikes of unbelievable hornyness. You did well not to masturbate to orgasm.
     
  18. Barneybarn

    Barneybarn Reboot and rewire!

    Thanks GO,
    well yesterday I kind of got drunk and ended up fooling around with this one really nice but ugly girl. The worst part is, that she is a work colleague from a different department. I was so horny I would have fucked her too. Luckily, her friends took her home in time.

    I had a massive erection during the kisses. she kept touching my leg under the table and that also made little Barney react. I have noticed in the last few weeks that erections happen more and easier when I drink. Even 2 beers can make a huge difference. I do not exactly know why this is, but I am guessing that I can be more in the moment. Or to put it another way I do not overthink everything but just enjoy myself (and after a few more drinks I always end up doing something stupid but that is a different matter :D).

    I am still horny like I have not been in months and my mood is still swinging like hell. It is ups and downs and the worst part is that half of the time I do not know what causes them. I have never had mood swings before just out of the blue. The constant horniness is annoying and distracting.
    I do think constantly about everything and it is hard to slow down my internal monologue.

    My erectile health is definitely improving. Yesterday I went to bed with a huge erection but kept my hands above the sheets to avoid giving into temptation.

    In the next few weeks I do have to take a deeper look at my life and reorganize my priorities. I have not done this yet since my ex has left me . A lot of the plans revolved around a common future.
    About every six months I create three lists (I got this from a self help book, do not remember which one but I have read it a few other times other places as well). A short term list of goals (usually 2-6 months), a mid term list of goals (6 months to 2-3 years) and a long term list.
    The first 2 are usually very specific the last one is more of just a list of goals (that even get turned a 180degrees more often than not).

    I have to redefine some action plans for myself. At the moment it is very tough to navigate at work (so unpredictable what will happen). Although many things are based on career situations there is still a lot to do which are not (e.g. exercise, reading the right books, learning a language and of course social life/girls). Motion creates a motion and goals and a timeline lead to accomplishments. There is still a lot I want to accomplish in life. Some have been neglected in the last few months. So now I have to get my arse, my thoughts and my actions into motion.

    Reboot and rewire,
    Barn
     
  19. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    Damn Barney, you're doing amazing. YOU are the one killing it!

    Glad to see your erectile health improving so quickly. That's really interesting about the couple drinks improving erections! I've had similar experiences. Nerves are DEFINITELY a component of porn addiction.

    Keep it up man, really great to watch you beat this addiction again (and once and for all)!
     
  20. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    Nice job getting to 50 days man.
     

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