Rat in the attic

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by A New Man, Jul 23, 2014.

  1. A New Man

    A New Man White Knuckle Brigade 2013

    Reboot-wise, I haven’t acted out to porn for around 2 years, but I still relapse to fantasy occasionally, once a year on average, which involves running mental scenarios. This floods my brain with dopamine and I check out of my life for around 24-48 hours… These relapses are connected to stress and sneak up on me. Sometimes the relapse involves MO but not always. Whereas in the past M-ing to fantasy would always railroad me to PMO, these days the MO>PMO pathway has faded. These slip ups don’t really set me back in terms of function (morning wood, maintaining an erection during sex and O-ing), although they do effectively flatten my libido for around month or so.

    The relationship with my wife is going well. Given I was a porn addict when we met 30 years ago (I was addicted to porn before the internet was invented), I reckon the sex we’re having today is better than the sex we had as 18 year olds.

    In terms of frequency, we have sex twice a month and I get her off another couple of times. In other words, I could have more sex, but my “natural libido” is up for 2 times a month. I have to be cautious because so many years of PMO/MO has screwed up my sex drive/dopamine circuitry, so I consciously try not to think about sex, anticipate sex with her, or fantasize about having sex with her. We just do it, in the moment, and that’s it. Any “mental elaboration” on my part and I’m lighting up the old pathways that lead to PMO Town. Better safe than sorry.

    In the past we used morning wood for sex, but these days I can start from zero and get hard. Arousal wood, the Holy Grail of the rebooter! Haha, yes, it does exist! But like I said, I only feel like having sex every 2 weeks or so. Ironic… <Insert gif of Emperor Palpatine saying "Ironic">

    Anyway, some might think having sex/O-ing two times a month isn’t enough, but I find it is enough for me to be healthy and lead a balanced life.

    Thanks for reading and good luck with your journey.
  2. ruggerdoug

    ruggerdoug Well-Known Member

    @A New Man, great post!

    Just Saturday I rode my bike to the arts festival in our town which is back after a two year COVID hiatus. Sounds like I need to get a basket ... and a recipe for Chicken Jalfrezi!

    I take care of myself by cooking fun meals. Never heard of it. So you've given me a new thing to do ... !

    A New Man likes this.
  3. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    An older post, but that's a great story. Thanks for sharing!
    A New Man likes this.
  4. A New Man

    A New Man White Knuckle Brigade 2013

    Hey RD, I've been watching a lot of videos by this British bloke, Al. British curries are amazing and he specializes in them.


    He uses a special spice mix and a base gravy in a lot of his recipes, so I spent a couple of hours cooking up a huge pot of gravy the other day which is now in the freezer waiting for the next curry. Damn tho his Chicken Jalfrezi recipe was hot! Next time I'll add 1/2 tsp of extra hot chilli powder instead of the 1 tsp he recommended.
    Last edited: Jun 13, 2022
    ruggerdoug likes this.
  5. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member


    I think as we age this is a good amount. At the beginning of my journey I wanted sex all the time. I insisted on once a week, but I think now it's more like every 10 days or so. Now that my every thought is not sexualized I'm happy to do the deed less and find it satisfies me.
    Rudolf Geyse and A New Man like this.
  6. Thisworld

    Thisworld Member

    @A New Man very happy to read you are going so good, 2 years are amazing. Do you still have those 10 days cycle after orgasms? Or do you think they were just part of the reboot?
  7. A New Man

    A New Man White Knuckle Brigade 2013

    I still get a dip in mood on day 1-2 after orgasm but no real chaser to look at women or porn. Sometimes i don't even notice a dip. A few days later i get a lift in mood, although not as extreme as it was (again, don't always notice). I'd say the tendency is still there, but the amplitude of the wave is smaller. By not thinking about sex or objectifying women (having broken the habit of it) this restless energy becomes a kind of static with no signal.

    Today i realized that i experience a dip in mood the day after going for a long bike ride, so i wonder if there isn't a comedown connected to all high dopamine activities...
    Gil79, Thisworld and Saville like this.
  8. Thisworld

    Thisworld Member

    Cuold make sense, this is what neuroscience actually seems to have found out. If you are interested in these things I suggest you reading "dopamine nation" by Anna Lambke
    A New Man likes this.

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