RadRacing's Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by RadRacing, Aug 27, 2020.

  1. Cali

    Cali Member

    Hi RadRacing, Just checking in, I hope all is good.
     
  2. RadRacing

    RadRacing New Member

    Hi all, just touching base. Haven’t posted in a while but haven’t disappeared. Had some ups and downs in October, completely went off the rails in November, which scared me straight enough to try some more meaningful strategies. Engaging more sincerely with the Noah Church group, installing Covenant Eyes software on my work computer and phone with accountability partners from the Church crew really helped me keep a semblance of sanity about what I was doing online. Also got more active with Porn Addicts Anonymous, specifically posting on their daily check-in threads (user AndyS1978) and participating in their zoom meetings a few times per week, and more recently starting to work through the 12 steps with guidance of a sponsor. December was a great month, with 27 clean days. Got off to an uneven start in Jan but lately feeling and doing much better. Anyway, just wanted to get current with you all, wishing everyone the best.
    RadRacing (Andy)
     
  3. RadRacing

    RadRacing New Member

    By the way for those interested the PAA group is at parec.org and Noah Church’s stuff is at addictedtointernetporn.com

    peace
     
  4. badger

    badger Active Member

    Rad Racing,
    welcome. I am a recovered alcoholic. have not had a drink in over 17yrs. that was hard to do. this porn addiction seems impossible. I have figured out, for me, that porn is all about pleasure and escape. the pleasure last a few seconds and the "hangover" years-the regret, shame, guilt, remorse, self-loathing, the hiding, the feeling less than, etc. anytime I don't want to face something painful or difficult, I escape into my porn fantasy world. it works. that is why I keep doing it. but it turned on me. no one found out, my little secret, at least I don't think. but my self hatred has become intense. this is the longest I have ever gone without PMO in over 40 years. I just play the whole tape through everytime I want to engage. it is not easy. but that is why I chose the badger as my moniker. it will fight until death. hang in there.
     
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