When you successfully complete your nofap challenge, how will you feel? I read many accounts of, "improved confidence, more contact with women, more drive for life..." But yet, these same people, as soon as they masturbate and give into their sexual urges, there seems to be an atmosphere of (harsh) self-judgement, personal attack and self-shaming. For me, for many years, I used nofap as my attempted means to garner my own self-respect and self-love. "Once I do this for 3 months, I will be such a new man..." My decision to accept who I was, was always just around the corner....but never arriving.....Always keeping my self-love out of reach, until I succeeded at nofap. I could go a few days, a few weeks at max, but I would always end up giving in and then shaming myself and blaming myself for not being good enough, being weak, dreading all the 'benefits' I am losing, self-attacking. I have a bold statement to make. It may sound bold to some but to others it will seem like common sense, the self-shame and the self-punishment and the constant distancing of your own self-acceptance is more dangerous to your psychological and physical health than wanking 6 times per day to porn. If you can decide to love and accept yourself-as you are, porn and all- and genuinely be open to and soothe yourself and nourish yourself regardless of what you do or don't do......then my friend, in the eyes of me and yourself, you have already succeeded. Prior to my 15 month (more like 16 month) streak of zero masturbation or deliberate porn use- but still intimacy with a woman- I reached a point where I didn't care if I watched porn or not anymore. I didn't care if I could never succeed at nofap. I didn't care if fate so determined I was mentally weaker than other men....I just said, "Johhny, you know what, you're a good dude. I love you and accept you- NOW- and watch all the porn you want, it doesn't change my love for you (me)." And I repeated such phrases to myself for about a week until I believed it. I would literally watch porn (forced myself at times) 4 times a day, and every time I watched porn I said "I love you Johhny, you're a great dude. You're good. Now enjoy." My self-love was not going to change based on some fickle decision of doing nofap or not. I had been pressuring and punishing myself in a cycle- for 6 years- of trying, then failing, then trying and succeeding, then failing. So I just decided and surrender "fine, I fail. Now I want my self-love." After a period of letting myself self indulge with zero ramifications on my self-love or self-respect, soon, I found myself naturally not feeling the need to watch it or touch myself. Those options suddenly just appeared to become boring weirdly. I wanted a real woman. I mentioned in another post I used some self-hypnosis and self-image changes that helped me firmly decide that I was to move in a direction I wanted to....But I believe I have HEAVILY under stated the value of self love. Prior to my hypnosis and reading Pscyhocbernetics, I was already a person who was his own best friend. Self-love is an attitude and behaviour that is to be practised until it is normalised. Doesn't matter what approach you use: Self-love is the underlying option. Once you finish (if you finish) nofap, you will self-accept....Why not just do it now?
That's awesome! Speaking for myself: I PMO because I'm ashamed and I'm ashamed because I PMO. I can't understand why psychologists are only talking about the relatively trivial issues of anxiety and depression and not talking about shame (being something much more powerfull that what is implied by the term "low self-esteem"). You went to see a hypnotist? Pscyhocbernetics doesn't come up in a Google search. Please let me know if there is something that I can do (affirmations haven't done it for me). There is no treatment for shame that I am aware of. I only save myself from self harm by weekly consumtion of opiates, but I haven't found a long-term solution.
You found self love because you stopped wanking and watching porn so you rid yourself of that shame. Go back and i guarantee the shame and guilt will return Either way im glad you beat it (lol)
Sounds exactly like Jesus Christ to me. He loves you unconditionally and there is nothing you can do to increase or decrease your value in His eyes. Guilt, and shame are tools from hell (they first originated in the garden of Eden after Adam and Eve sinned and realized they were naked, felt shame and covered their bodies with leaves)
Your exactly right, I’m glad you said it because it sounded so familiar. I have such a disgust with myself, not related to pmo that last night as I had a shitty session at the gymnasium told myself I deserve to be thrown through a wood chipper. I have never loved myself or was up to what I should be. That is going to be a hard one. I know mowing he lawn today I thought I don’t think I have ever been happy in my entire life except for when I was a boy. Thank you
Yes my fellow disciples, it is me Jesus, @TheNightfly- Yes, the self-disgust is the real thing worth putting attention on- not porn. "I deserve to be thrown into a wood chipper."- Wow that's brutal. I would never talk to myself like that at all. Johhny looooves Johhny (I am not joking, I really like who I am!). You can and will change with correct intent. At least you are being honest for the stage you are in now. Practise being kind and easy to yourself as if it were a gym workout. There are many texts and videos regarding how to be nice to yourself and love yourself. I can recommend a few if you like. But you don't NEED to watch those items- you NEED to be easy and kind and gentle and supportive and self-respecting of yourself. This is of such higher significance than a choice to indulge in porn or any addictive behaviour. Begin with the SELF. End with the SELF. The porn will naturally dissolve slowly over the months. Do NOT put your attention on porn. This is the sneakiest mistake- put all your attention on self-love.
Thank you, someone on here said porn is not an option. That is like saying me being able to fly, win the lottery is not an option. Right now, and I mean at this instant from my perspective is that I find little or no joy in things other people do. I can feel a sense of accomplishment if I did something J am proud of. I am stay at home dad, have been for 15 years. I just had to stop folding laundry because it was just to much to bear. I have to be a machine with that stuff. I went down to the neighborhood pool for my wife so she can feel like she can have couple friends. I got nothing out of idle chatter with some husband. Maybe your right, to love yourself. I hate myself, I just whipped myself in the back with a belt buckle. That’s what I feel like I deserve because I have let myself get to be a fat waste of space. Sorry, I’m just venting.
That's ok @TheNightfly I joined a men's support group years ago and still an active member. It's non-religious. But if you are religious you might find one easier. Just attend one and swallow the pill. Just go. You deserve it. Real connections, in the real world. - Johnny.
@Johhny Bravo I made an account here just so I could let you know that this post saved my life and to thank you from the furthest depths of my being for just putting this out there. Im not going to get into it all because you already know what it is I am feeling, but you were right and I got it. I am soooooooooo in love with who I am and nothing will ever stop that. The giant laundry list of problems I ad for myself that I need to "fix" doesnt even exist anymore. Im a fucking awesome dude who is so damn lucky to be me and living this life. Im spreading the goodness everywhere I go! The coolest part is how much the people who I engage with seem to change just because I have. It feels like loving myself gives them a reflection that shows them a self they didnt see before. Like I can reflect their best self back at them by being mine! You da man Johhny! Keep doing what you do and thanks again. Im loving loving myself
