Re: Quitting Tropical Hot Dog Nights + new summary, goals (Day 26) Got the numbers wrong! Yesterday was day 25, day 26 now. :-X Day 26 Yesterday's good mood remained with me today. Uneventful day, but I felt great just getting groceries in town. I am now aware of a bad habit: inwardly desiring attention from every girl I see. This isn't even about being attracted to them - if there's a girl in the street I just want her to look at me. The ego-boost I receive if she does is utterly negligible, and if she doesn't I instantly forget it. Bear in mind I'm not even intending to approach these women. It's just a useless complex. I suppose being a virgin means I am hypersensitive to any female attention - it's clearly borne out of low confidence. I don't know how this truly differs from a healthy libido, but intuition tells me it's libido with a passive form of neediness mixed in. Stretching notes I've definitely made some progress with my phimosis. Previously, I could only expose the glans when semi-erect. That's very slowly improving, but now when semi I can retract it much further behind the corona. Unfortunately there's an unmistakeable 'waistband' effect when I pull it back, meaning my boner resembles an hourglass. That's probably more comfortable than it sounds - I'm finally experiencing some mobility when erect. It is so tempting to masturbate just to experience this brand new sensation of doing it with the glans exposed, but that's not an option! Hi Fah, thanks for reading. Seems many guys report what you feel, but I personally never have. My relationship to music has changed hugely in the past year or two -- I'll try to explain. Between the ages of about 4-20 I was dependent on music to get to sleep. Maybe even before that, since both my parents would sing to me. When I was a kid I literally could not sleep without some kind of music playing (as you can imagine this lead to rather precocious tastes). I was addicted. As a kid I would put literally anything on - I could fall asleep to techno. I was treating music like ambient lighting or a scented candle. I now consider that a disrespectful use of music. If you can fall asleep listening to music, you're not listening to it! The shift came when I started listening intently - doing nothing but listening. When I was 16-17 I started experiencing music as pure ecstacy. After learning to 'hear' lyrics, most music would keep me wide awake, but I still felt I required it on a 'background noise' level until I was 21. Basically I grew more 'mindful' over time. I realised that if something's worth doing, it's worth doing deliberately. I made no decision - I just gradually stopped listening to music in bed, stopped using my mp3 player at every opportunity. Since then my attention to music has been sublime. The slightest modulation in a note can send shivers down my proverbial. I am listening to music less than I ever have before, and when I do listen I am usually overcome with feeling - joy, the good kind of misery, hilarity - the whole spectrum of emotion, really. I still put music on when cooking, and sometimes even use an mp3 player when I'm out, but the best advice I can give to appreciate music better is to just listen. Do nothing but listen, and when it's over, listen to the silence between the songs. Zen meditation might be helpful to you, but I never did this properly. You may also benefit from one the most edifying music books ever written: Ian MacDonald's Revolution In The Head. It's ostensibly about The Beatles and the 1960s, but MacDonald's understanding and above all his ceaseless compassion make it an incredible paean to music and its power to change the world. The Beatles form my earliest musical memories, but he taught me to listen to them completely anew. Most music books are so terrible -- this one is amazing. Sorry I can't offer any proper advice. The best music has always done incredible things to my brain and porn has always been a secondary drug to it. Thanks for making me write this though-- I can suddenly see the parallels between my musical 'addiction' and sexual rebooting. Music has never meant more to me now that I use it sparingly.