Question to those who have failed sex attempts

Discussion in 'Erectile Dysfunction / Delayed Ejaculation' started by grego, Jul 13, 2016.

  1. grego

    grego Member

    Any of you had a failed attempt(s) at sex wih a girl through a hookup or in a relationship? How did she respond? Did she talk shit or tell your friend group? I'm nervous about making moves on girls in my college, because they might tell everyone else in the event I can't perform. I don't want to hear any of that "well if she's the type to tell everyone she's not worth your time anyway" morality bullshit. Just straight answers. Did the girls from your failed sex attempts mock you/tell their friends and your friends, or were they understanding?
     
  2. OtheWolf

    OtheWolf New Member

    I'm married, so I realise that my situation is very dramatically different to yours.

    When that has happened, my wife felt like she was not good enough. We've talked about it a lot. She understands the strong relation to my addiction and is angry with me for relapsing, but more out of my failure to turn to her for support.

    Her approach has been consistent: it's not about the quality of the sex in the way that I'm thinking (which porn taught us to think). For her it is about the closeness and the relationship. The sex is a big part of it, but she believes I will heal and that I don't need to worry so much about it.

    I suppose, and I hope this doesn't come across as a moralising answer, that it's really our relationship that has taken precedence and that has been the source of our healing and our strength. She believes in me, and will wait for me (at any rate we have one baby, and another on the way, so it's not like we have that much time). If you're going to hook up for the sake of hooking up, then you're on an entirely different track.
     
  3. Put the girl first. If you can make her cum with your fingers and mouth, then she probably won't care whether you go soft on her. She'll also praise you to her friends that you're a selfless guy. "Performance" is not just about the penis, but about everything.
     
  4. Recovered

    Recovered Member

    I avoided girls when I went to college. I didn't approach girls until I was in my twenties at university. The ones I failed with didn't say anything from what I understand. At least I didn't get to know anything about it. Although in my experience the younger the girl, the less she will understand your problem (although many of all ages can have difficulties in understanding why men have ED and tend to take it personally).

    Unfortunately this is all about taking risks and going for girls that seem reliable and have stable personalities.

    Older women might be better in this respect if you're into them.
     
  5. i did fail but i can just guess and paranoia reallly creeps in when you moving in the same social circles like your hookup/gf/exgf. i never got to know how many if any people she told about this

    i think it would be really stupid to expect that they dont tell anyone. off course most girls wont be like haha that loser, but dude it is shitty for them too and off course they will tell their friends

    anyway i think ed is more common then one may think especially among young people that are anxious pmo addicted etc. therefore it is not like THE story i hope at leas

    the next thing is they most probably will talk about this to their friends but in the end are you a person that a lot of people are interested in? if so i think it is probable that word comes around

    in the end one can just hope

    if i were you, i would try my first few hookups outside of my social circle by using tinder or another dating app/site. or you hook up with a random girl from a club. or the safest one in regard to your question would be to visit a hooker, because she wont give a fuck
    my plan is to use tinder/hook up in club, i think it is the safest way. not only in regard to being safe from discrimination but also because i would have the feeling to owe this girl a lot since hey no more pied and would fear to get involved in a relationship that i dont really want
     
  6. how did she respond:
    we did not talk about this, which was a mistake because it could have helped. we both actually did our very best to dodge the subject

    why did we not talk?
    she did not bring the subject up
    it should have been me, but i was afraid and embarassed

    i thought the problem would be resolved after some time. we were togather for about 3 to 4 months. i started out with 100% pied, like no erection whatsoever in drunk/sober/morning whatever state. later she could give me handjobs but she had to use quiet some pressure and effort. erections then were about 50% maybe? i found out about pied after trying to have sex with her 3-4 times because i was really wondering what the fuck was happening (the first two times i was actually quiet relaxed if i think about it haha). i till then thought the moment i was beginning to have sex i would become a sex machine (i watched so much porn and masturbated sooo much and was horny soo much...). pied really destroyed a lot my self confidence and believe in my abilities in general

    the thing is i thought it would become better and i was really fucking embarassed. if i would have talked to her about this, i think some pressure would have been taken away + sex would have been more relaxed, because we could have focused on other things. i tried to do this without communication but maaaaan it did not work out

    i think being more mature now and the fact that girls i would see now would be more mature too, that would help because we would talk about it (maybe at least...)

    the other time i was trying to have sex with an older women and was sober and was super confident it was going to work out this time, i was on a good streak, was having lots of spontanous erections and then it did not work and i was like wtf and my started racing, i told her i was being nervous, she actually wanted to become my gf (i dont have a clue why) even after this

    yeah i think i am one of the harder cases since i started pmo at about 12-13 and had my first legit attempt at 21. i had another attempt when i was 16 or smth but was way too drunk to even walk.

    but anyway hope dies last
     
  7. ted93704

    ted93704 Keep Your Heads Up!

    If you are upfront and honest, girls will mainly be kind to you!
     

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