Question on Fetishes and Self-Hatred: Trigger Warning

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by runningforfreedom, Sep 2, 2020.

  1. runningforfreedom

    runningforfreedom New Member

    Essentially my whole life, I have been plagued with a sense of self-loathing. I think my fetishes might reflect this.

    Recently I have started watching femdom videos. It started with what might be called "gentle" femdom, but then progressed to porn which was degrading and humiliating to watch. I have also started to watch cuck porn. I hated myself for watching it, and even felt severe emotional distress while watching it, but I couldn't help but be attracted to it. Like a moth to a flame. I have even started viewing porn with the theme of "never going to happen"; i.e., I will never sleep with the girl in the pic/video and I will always be stuck with porn. This was also pretty upsetting from an emotional standpoint, but nevertheless, I still continued watching it.

    I am wondering if these fetishes are a manifestation of self-abuse. I think they are a way reenacting past rejections by women, which hurt me pretty bad at the time.

    Has anyone experienced something similar?

    If this post is too graphic, please delete it or ask me to do so. I apologize for kind of rambling here.
  2. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

    I have a fetish I tried to fight when I was an adolescent. IMO, fighting the fetish is useless, even counterproductive. You're into what you're into, and in the opinion of this observer, your fetish isn't so bad anyway.
    You're probably onto something. If your past rejections really hurt you, then you could be trying to bring that humiliation into your control by reliving aspects of it.

    Ultimately, you'll be well-served by doing what we're all doing: disengage from the virtual and realize the actual. And if you're thinking "no real person would do the things that get me off in porn", then I have to politely disagree. If a woman really likes you, she'll do whatever you want--or she'll at least try--if you ask. But before you find a girl who likes you like that, you have to first like yourself.

    Good luck, homie. I'm pulling for you.
  3. runningforfreedom

    runningforfreedom New Member

    Thank so much for the advice and encouragement.

    I appreciate the comfort, and would like to add that I was not into my fetish until quite recently. So I have a good reason to think it is porn-induced.

    This is so true. Thanks so much for your support, friend! I'm rooting for you also.
  4. axebattler

    axebattler Member Staff Member

    It probably is porn-induced. I never had that particular fetish, but I know what it's like to suddenly have a weird fetish.

    The good news is that all you have to is "nothing" and it will resolve itself. By "nothing", I mean avoid P, P-subs, M, fantasising and so on. If you slip up in any way, get straight back on track.

    The bad news is that doing nothing can be tricky, but it can be done! Never give up, and good luck.
  5. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    As someone who's watched the exact same things as you describe, I suspect the generic humiliation fetish may be innate but the other stuff was most likely developed as a consequence of watching porn.
    I think that's a pretty good insight.
  6. runningforfreedom

    runningforfreedom New Member

    Thank God. It is so relieving to know that after abstaining for a while, these festishes will resolve themselves.

    Thank you very much for your encouragement! I will keep trying until I succeed!!

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