Question about fantasy while rebooting

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by zoden, Jul 14, 2019.

  1. zoden

    zoden New Member

    So when I lie down I start to think of this woman I am really into. I don't think about porn but I day dream about encounters with this woman. Fooling around and even sex.

    Is this bad when trying to reboot? I am staying away from all porn, and masterbation and all my fantasy is about this one woman.
  2. doneatlast

    doneatlast Active Member

    Opinions will vary, but my own feeling is that fantasy is not much more than a little porn theater in your mind. This comes up occasionally when people talk about masturbating to real life memories. Well, once the memories are repeated over and over, it is basically "porn", even though at some point it was "real".... in fact, the same could be said for porn itself... at some point it involved real people, but we know it is not real in itself.

    I wouldn't beat myself up over it since we day dreamed about women long before porn was a problem, but it can be a sneaky way that a porn brain looks for its hit.

    Is this woman you're into a potential partner, or just someone you see and think is hot?
  3. zoden

    zoden New Member

    Thanks for the reply.

    She is definitely a potential partner. We work together and have been getting very close. I am hopeful that something will develop with her. So I think about her alot.
  4. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Active Member

    For my current reboot the occasional fantasy hasn't been a hinderance. Nevertheless, I would advise against fantasizing on purpose or even indulging it.
  5. doneatlast

    doneatlast Active Member

    If she wasn't a potential partner, then I'd have advised that you're basically having fantasies for fantasy's sake, which is that little porn theater in your brain. Since she is a potential partner, then it is a bit different of course. It is a hard line to walk - I don't want to advise being puritanical, but I would also advise keeping thoughts less kinky in an effort to show her as much respect and dignity as possible, in order to foster the best potential relationship that doesn't just fizzle out with some sloppy drunken make out session because you've both gotten yourselves all hot and bothered, just to end in awkwardness at work. But, that trends into relationship advice, which isn't what you asked for and not what this board is really about.

    Another point worth mentioning is that for any porn addict, either in the throes of addiction, rebooting, or years after a reboot, the curse is having seen so much of that stuff. I can look at a woman fully clothed and imagine what she looks like naked way more easily than I could have if I never unlocked that door. Not only naked, but perhaps performing certain sex acts, or involved in whatever stuff we used to watch. I don't know if I have practical advice on this part, but it helps to be mindful. It seems to logically follow that if it is going to come too easily, we may need to ward it off more than we would otherwise. We're always going to be able to think things we couldn't otherwise think (and often reflexively) because of our past or present addictions. Sure, if we never had porn, we'd still wonder about these things, crave these things, but it is just all on steroids now. Such is the adventure of trying to normalize sexuality after soaking in so, so much porn for years, I guess.
    Pete McVries likes this.

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