Pursuit of the Mature Masculine

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by European Wanker, Aug 12, 2020.

  1. European Wanker

    European Wanker New Member

    Hello Everyone: it's a pleasure to be writing here, today, in the hope that I will establish some connections; to discuss the reason why we are all here; in addition to, hopefully, my offering mutual support to whoever wants it.

    To offer a little bit of background information, I am a 36-year old male, living in central Europe. Since the age of 10/11, I have been a frequent masturbator - this in itself is no bad thing and I do not want to offer an impression of a puritan. Being in my mid-thirties now, I am a little too old to have been a child exposed to high speed internet pornography. In the early to mid-nineties, our wanks were determined by the reliability of a 56k modem, and, more often than not, it was quite frustrating. As such, I consider myself to be quite fortunate, as I was only exposed to modern pornography as an adult in my late teens / early twenties. Still, since this time, I have certainly developed an unhealthy relationship with pornography and this is why I am here today.

    For clarity, this is not my first time in which I have written in such a forum. However, my experience on this website is limited.

    Over the next week, I hope to share some thoughts, in respect to my attempt to improve my relationship with my sexuality. By this meaning I wish to approach sex in a healthier fashion. For ninety days I wish to abstain from pornography and masturbation, with a few to making the former permanent. This is to improve my relationships with women, in addition to contributing to my pursuit to become a maturer, adult mate.

    Thank you for reading and I look forward to contributing during the weeks ahead.
     
    -Luke- likes this.
  2. dark red drifter vessel

    dark red drifter vessel Active Member

    Welcome! Your name had me laughing, truth be told.
     
  3. European Wanker

    European Wanker New Member

    Thanks, Dark Red! We have to laugh at ourselves a little, during this process, I think.
     
  4. dark red drifter vessel

    dark red drifter vessel Active Member

    Ya, true. Humor is one of the nicer ways of distancing oneself from the utter crap which passes for thought with us simetimes.
     
  5. European Wanker

    European Wanker New Member

    DAY 3

    So, I woke up to my third day and I am a little less "confused" than yesterday. As I get a little older, now a bowling ball down a lane away from 40, my urges mostly come in the morning. However, this is the beginning of a standard which has come to inhabit past attempts at this. The stages go like this for me: (1) by the third/fourth day, extreme urges are gone and everything begins to settle down and I begin to look at the whole process a little bit more clearer; (2) the next week to 10-days are quite passive, yet I grow in (over) confidence and begin to think "I can do this"; (3) already, erections seem stronger and come from nowhere, like I am 12 again; (4) by one week/10-days, my balls begin to feel "full", to the point that I can feel pain, yet I believe this is simply psychosomatic - if I have 'edged' in the first 10-days, then it is all inscrutable, if I don't play with myself, it's manageable. But, it's about seeing the forest and not fingering the bark on the trees, so - as the days progress - I must be mindful of what is normal about me when I start a period of abstinence.
     
  6. European Wanker

    European Wanker New Member

    Day 4

    Perhaps I should pen these posts at the end of the day, rather than the start? It's always in the morning that I have the most urges, so if I manage to get out of bed, without PMO, then it's usually a dry day ahead.

    Any urges that exist, in the early stages, usually come for me in the form of mental trickery. For example, this morning, my brain wanted me to search a sexual question. It could be anything, from trying to read a pseudo-scientific article about the meaning of cumshots in a woman's magazine like Cosmopolitan, or a general question. This is quite tame, when compared to going straight to a porn website, and this is how my brain plays a trick on me. The sneaky fecker......
     
    Shady likes this.
  7. Krycek23

    Krycek23 New Member

    Hello, I like that you seem determined. Yes, the brain tries to trick you. Keep going
     
  8. European Wanker

    European Wanker New Member

    8 Days

    A difficult morning, going against everything I have written previously. Not really intense urges, more the 'habit' surfacing, as my usual morning routine would be to reach for an electronic device and go to town on the old boy with my clenched wrist. I managed to drag myself away from the screen, before any damage was done, however it was a close shave.

    I have been quite depressed these past days. Full of self-pity, feeling hopeless - I must snap myself out of it.
     
  9. European Wanker

    European Wanker New Member

    Day 13

    This is my longest "streak" for a while, categorised by - in the past days - no real feelings or otherwise. I don't feel numb, there are no feelings of happiness or unhappiness, yet I am not feeling particularly horny or sexual either. I am merely "there", a bit like a snowman in a garden on Christmas Day. The most important thing is that my streak continues, day-by-day. When I have something to report, I will write again. Good luck to everyone out there!

    EW.
     
    Shady and NewStart19 like this.
  10. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Well-Known Member

    @European Wanker

    Keep at it. Looking forward to whatever changes (or not) you notice on your journey.

    Take care
     
  11. European Wanker

    European Wanker New Member

    Failed today. I am experiencing enormous pressure at work at the moment, so it's quite unpleasant. I woke up at 3 am and didn't get back to sleep. I succumbed to PMO at approx. 5am, in the hope it would relieve how I feel. The sad truth is it worked somewhat, so I "guilt free" had another session this evening. I am feeling a bit sorry for myself today (not really because of PMO). Mood is low, yet I will try and regroup to try again soon.
     
  12. Doper

    Doper Active Member

    When you start feeling that, be on freaking high alert. It is never the heavy cravings that get me, that come at the start; it is that nothingness feeling you just described that gets me, almost every time. As far as I'm concerned it's just another form a craving. It may not feel like craving, but the restless, bored, nothingness feeling is your brain saying "we can't get this guy to relapse with the regular cravings, we have to switch it up and trick him".
     

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