Practice What You Preach [GROUP]

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by TheUnderdog, Jun 11, 2013.

  1. codz30

    codz30 Tendency toward complexity.

    Intro post!

    I first started looking at porn when I was 11 or 12, over the course of 9 years my porn use escalated from lesbian to hardcore anal play and degradation. Before I found YBOP I would M at least 4 times a week, some times 2-3 times a day.
    I first experienced PIED when I was with my girlfriend of the time at age 16 - we planned to have sex on a beach but my ED had other plans. Since this time, I haven't strictly had a girlfriend, but I've had a few chances to have sex (4 or so), that all ended up with me getting ED.
    Two years ago I found YBOP and put two and two together - porn was the root cause of my ED. Since that day I've been reducing my PMO until I'm happy to never watch porn again.

    I've conquered some hurdles through no PMO including social anxiety and losing my virginity, with plenty more to come!
     
  2. Bazooka Joe

    Bazooka Joe New Member

    So here's my introduction.

    I'm a 27 year old virgin, and I started porn use when I got my first computer at 15 or 16 years. First it was just a few pictures, then I started collecting more and more pictures, I started collecting videos and so on.
    I fapped at least once a day, normally 2 times, but sometimes even up to 6-7 times in the end. My social life died slowly as my porn use escalated.

    I found YBR through YBOP, after I had ED with the first woman I hooked up with in my life. I achieved this although porn made me really shy.
     
  3. Aussie_85

    Aussie_85 Guest

    Rebooting Sitch:

    27 years old,using porn on and off for around 15 years.Addicted for at least 5 years.

    Found YBOP and YBR around September october last year.First serious reboot attempt i got 14 days no P,M or O (or sex) - Second serious attempt - 94 days no P,M or O (or sex).Relapsed like 30 times in-between.

    Relapsed on sunday night after 94 days,iv'e PMO'd 4 times since then - twice on sunday night,twice last night.

    My addiction is quite severe,porn is my escape tool.I find it hard to accept my life - day after day fighting demons just got to much for me - call me weak if you want,i don't want it sugar coated.The hardest thing for me reboot wise is not escaping with porn fantasy when shit gets tough.I also underestimated the power of procrastination/over thinking the future - and my own self doubt.It really got to me on sunday night,the fear on never actually recovering."Sure...i can go ever without porn....but will i ever get a GF/Wife...have happy life etc?" all this self doubt pushed me to the brink and i caved,no excuses.

    This reboot has to be solid,because #1 i'm not getting any younger,i don't want to waste to much time & #2 i really don't enjoy going massive amount of time abstaining.

    What i have t do this time...is push myself much harder as far as leaving my house more,being more social etc.I have achieved a lot in 3 months,i'm much more active and i'l list my accomplishments later....i was really lagging in the pushing comfort zones thing - so that really got to me with the "i'll never recover" type mindset.

    thanks for letting me in UD,could really use you guys' opinions etc.I'll try and participate and help you guys as best i can.
     
  4. al1234

    al1234 Guest

    Hi I'm Al, I am a porn addict.

    It started when I was 12 and I didn't fully understand what it was or what affect it will have on me. What started as once a week quickly grew into a daily activity. Masturbating was part of my routine, sometimes with porn, sometimes just imagining scenarios. I would sit through school daydreaming different sex scenarios and then fap to it later. It cost me a large part of my education, I didn't the the grades I was capable of, didn't study as hard, didn't do anything useful in fact.

    As a teenager I was heavily addicted to a lifestyle of fapping, watching TV and playing video games, sometimes all 3 at once. This kept me up nightly till 2 or 3am and I believe that had an affect on my health. It definitely affected my social life and I developed social anxiety.

    The problem escalated with streaming, and then 2 years ago when I bought my own laptop. I started downloading and hoarding my favourite scenes and would PMO daily, sometimes 2 or 3 times.

    My love life had been practically non-existent. About a year ago I started sensing a thought buried very deep within me that the porn was in some way responsible for my lack of success in this area. I determined to quit. I had tried quitting well over a hundred times, but this time was different, I was much more committed. I searched the internet and came across YBR and created an account.

    The first piece of advice I got was to delete my entire porn stash (thanks xman, hope you're doing well). At the time I was at my lowest point and I knew he was right, but I couldn't do it. I think that's proof of how much I needed to do it. That was an interesting week. I barely left the room I was renting all week, I was fighting to control my raging urge to PMO and was very depressed but I was determined to quit and I won most of the battles that week. Every time I controlled an urge I felt a bit stronger and deleted a few more of my less favourited videos, until I had about 20 that I couldn't get rid of. Being depressed and half drunk all week sort of helped in a weird way.

    Then I relapsed again and in my post-orgasm state of clear thinking I highlighted all the videos and hit shift-delete and then looked at the screen for a long while as I contemplated the implications of what I was about to do. I felt myself weaken and I knew I couldn't let it happen so in a moment of anger of what I had suffered during the previous week, I closed my eyes and hit enter.

    I immediately felt better. I felt free. Of course that was just the start of what has been a year long struggle to stay clean. I worked up from just about managing 3 days clean to my longest streak of 40 days. But that was just abstinence, not real recovery. Recently I have been attending real life groups and have been following other programmes. I've found it therapeutic and helpful. I'm now on day 14 and I have no desire right now to PMO. By now I'm experienced enough to know that there are massive seemingly-insurmountable urges lying ahead of me and I can't afford to be complacent. I feel like I'm on the verge of finally breaking through this, and this is the time to be even more vigilant, not less so.

    I now rent my own apartment, have a long-term GF, and I'm studying a profession that offers me a better career than my current job. What I want is to work hard, pass my exams, get a good job, make some money, buy my own house, have kids, study things that interest me in my spare time, be active in my community, make good friends and die a happy man.

    Thanks for reading guys.
     
  5. nomorefapalexander

    nomorefapalexander New Member

    Video games is quite a serious problem. I was addicted to this and TV from such a young age I can't remember. I used to watch a lot of cartoons and it took so much of my time.
     
  6. Bazooka Joe

    Bazooka Joe New Member

    Just a quick follow up guys:

    I had morning wood for 6 days and then a wet dream, and since the wet dream I don't get MW anymore again.

    I am curious how long it will take.
     
  7. Metal

    Metal Get busy living or get busy dying

    Was addicted to masturbation from young as 8 I think and on wards. First discovered online porn at 16 but had glimpses of it before hand. Was hardcore addicted to it and at around 21 I started to see it was a problem because I wanted to stop but couldn't. I'd even break into my old house to watch it it was so bad.

    Then I saw a therapist at 23 who gave me a drug which screwed me up big time. The trauma from the drug destroyed my libido and erections and sent me into a hellish psychotic depression. My life was destroyed for a good 2-3 years, which during that time I disclosed to my family that I had therapy because I was addicted to porn and they were all like it was no big deal.

    So I started using it without feeling bad about it and just accepted that I needed to learn to be like everyone else and accept it was no big deal. I completely forgot about the reasons why I wanted to quit in the first place, something had switched in my concious during that time where I no longer felt the guilt afterwards. I was comfortable with it. I then meant a girl who was also battling with porn addiction. At the time I just said I didn't have a problem with it.

    My mind was so skewed at the time though and like underdog struggled with monogamy and asked my gf if she was up for an open relationship. She was so offended eventually she left. Afterwards I started dating other girls and felt free. Then last summer I discovered a famous escort website and started using them but at that point I discovered that I developed full blown ed. It was apparent at times with my gf, but sometimes could perform after cuddling. But the ed got really bad and was searching on ways to overcome it - at one point I was resigned to the fact I would have to use prescription drugs to deal with the ed. But I remember first trying viagra and didnt work, I felt so suicidal and hopeless.

    Then at xmas I discovered ybop and it gave me trendenmous hope. I done my first reboot which lasted around 40 days and could perform with a hooker successfully. But then after relapsing the ed returned and I could hardly maintain an erection standing. I then thought I needed to just do the whole reboot all over again. But then i found out about juicing and juice fasts and raw dieting which I did for a month or so and found new life within myself, I felt incredible. I later found my spontaneous erections returning being able to have erections by just thought alone and then having than shorter refractory peroids when having sex.

    That's when I started seeing escorts at least two times a week and started to enjoy sex again, until it got out of hand and could not go without it for more than a week.

    Now I'm nearly a month free of all acting out and I want to keep it that way. I've luckily found a very good sex therapist who is experienced in helping people recovery from sex and pmo addiction. I'm nearly a month without acting out in any way and feel positive that I'm taking the right steps to finally beating the addiction after so long.
     
  8. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    We're on the same day brah!!!

    Let's keep it that way.

    We both have a girlfriend, so no need to find another sexual outlet.
     
  9. al1234

    al1234 Guest

    Getting back on the horse can be tough. If you run into urges you can always post in the group and get a response pretty soon.

    We can all also arrange specific times to chat with group members on the phone:
    Phone number: 1-218-339-3600
    Access code: 404606#

    lines are open 24/7 and it could be a good emergency system. I'd actually like it to become a forum-wide emergency number, but we'd need to snowball it.

    We should probably exchange skype names too by pm, although I don't use skype much myself.

    Another thing is it would be a great idea to promise each other that we won't allow ourselves to relapse without posting here about the urge first. It's important to take the spontaneity out of relapses at the very least.
     
  10. al1234

    al1234 Guest

    I've read similar experiences from others, so it's not uncommon, but I can't really say anything definitive.

    You mentioned getting professional help earlier, is that a plan or are you seeing someone now? What do they say about the mood swings?
     
  11. Aussie_85

    Aussie_85 Guest

    I had pretty severe mood swings loro.

    My withdrawal symptoms were crazy.Mood swings,insomnia (i had sleeping issues before the reboot but they were worsened by the withdrawals),worsening of depression and anxiety,headaches....man the list is a long one.


    My moods evened out after about 8 weeks of no PMO/MO or O.after that...everything improved...it was awesome.

    But everyone is so different i can't say when things will improve for you.

    PS:

    Getting therapy has been great for me,i admitted to her i was a porn addict.Just saying it to another person face to face,not typing it was huge for me.Big weight of my shoulders,recommend admitting it to a therapist face to face if your struggling...it's hard and embarrassing but well worth it.
     
  12. Metal

    Metal Get busy living or get busy dying

    It is totally different speaking to someone face to face then typing it out. It makes it more real in my opinion. I remember speaking and going through with my therapist how I struggled with the addiction while he listened. I felt so naked at the time but it was good to get it off my chest and be with someone who understands.

    Really powerful. In my opinion therapy is underrated on here.

    I got a good book I can recommend the group to check out if they're interested and haven't already read it. Its called the 'Ten Keys To Breaking Pornography Addiction''. Really insightful book and isn't that long, you can read it in one sitting but it gives a good perspective on understanding the addictive voice or ''the beast''/ego whatever you want to call it.
     
  13. Aussie_85

    Aussie_85 Guest

    Really liking this group thing boys.

    One thing i have to add is this:

    Added AI on Skype earlier,be cool to have all of you if you have it - the only thing is,i live with my family who don't know about my porn addiction.I have no intention of telling them because there not exactly 'think outside the box' people.So i don't really want to try to explain myself for hours on end - and it's an embarrassing personal thing that i don't particularly want to tell them about,iv'e gone over this with my therapist and she agrees that some things are better kept private when it comes to family.

    Because of this,i wont be able to have phone conversations talking about porn addiction etc.I'll communicate any other way aside from having to talk about it vocally,lets just say my parents and sister are extremely nosy lol.

    Not much that can be done about this one guys,when i get my own place it'll be sweet - for now i don't really want to be voicing out loud "hey guys so I'm on day 30 no orgasm and porn LOL"
     
  14. Bazooka Joe

    Bazooka Joe New Member

    In my first try I had these mood swings too, and I felt I made more progress.

    With every relapse though my mood swings leveled out, but also I feel like I'm making progress much slower.
     
  15. nomorefapalexander

    nomorefapalexander New Member

    Mood swing are quite normal. They will pass.

    After the first week, my mood swings started to get more intense. But a few weeks later, they get more infrequent and less intense.

    Going to a therapist may be beneficial for me as I may have some underlying issues. I don't know why I don't want to go to a therapist. I fear something.
     
  16. Bazooka Joe

    Bazooka Joe New Member

    I went cycling today and I noticed that my "hot women radar" is back on again.
    When I PMO'd I wouldn't even notice the hottest women, that is how f-ed up I was.

    But today I saw 5-6 really hot chicks. Unfortunately my libido, or mojo as Gary Wilson likes to call it ( ;D) still isn't up and running.
    I hope it'll come back soon because I'm going crazy. So many nice women and I cannot hook up with them. :p
     
  17. al1234

    al1234 Guest

    Have you tried taking anti-spasmodic medication?

    Blue balls is often caused by constriction of the epididymis by sperm. Anti-spasdomics can relieve that constriction a bit.
     
  18. Aussie_85

    Aussie_85 Guest

    About to go to bed loro,can't post a long reply.

    You followed and supported me bro,remember it took me over 2 months (60 + days) - to start feeling 'better' mentally and physically.don;t put exactly 2 months on it,just be prepared that it can and usually does with the more severe addicts like us (you said you PMo'd daily for 8 years,that's a hardcore addict by anyones definition),

    Not to scare you or anything man,but the fucked up withdrawals hit me badly around days 30 - 45 if i remember correctly.Prepare yourself for battle mate,that's how i saw it,and it was...day after day...night after night - feleing like shit,and keeping strong wiht my mindset,having faith that it'd get better,and it did.

    I'm just hoping (like really really really hoping) that after a few weeks i'll be back in state i was in at day 90.

    Stay strong guys!
     
  19. codz30

    codz30 Tendency toward complexity.

    Hey guys,
    I want to hear your thoughts on PMO related dreams. Two days ago I had a dream where I PMOd - has anyone else experienced something like this?
     
  20. nomorefapalexander

    nomorefapalexander New Member

    yep. I had dreams in which I was relapsing many times. They will pass. Can't control them anyway so nothing to worry about.
     

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