Positive Thoughts...

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by ready4this, Mar 9, 2012.

  1. ready4this

    ready4this New Member

    Well, here goes my journal I guess...not quite sure where to start or what to say, but wanted to get something down in writing and go from there...

    A bit about me...early 40's, happily married...have experienced some what I believe to be porn related ED several times over the past few years. My wife (who does not know about the porn) is great, very attracted to her (and not just saying it to make myself feel better about it, have a genuine sexual attraction to her looks, body type...still easy for me to see her as a 'sex object' etc), but for some reason had some ED issues in recent years. Told myself it was just something that 'got in my head,' and just needed to forget about it and work through it, and eventually it would go away. The more I thought about it, before even finding this site, started to believe that the porn I've seen over the years could possibly 'rewired' me somehow. Have been watching porn since teen years, like most everyone, starting with magazines then eventually graduating to the current internet porn and chatting. Knew it probably had something to do w/ my problems, but was still difficult to stop. Have gone through a couple of phases where I was able to quit it for a month or two at a time, but always went back. Have been some very awful and stressful times trying to explain away the ED issues with wife when it has happened (w/out admitting to what I thought might be the truth), and want to correct this once and for all...she deserves much better than that, and I look forward to sharing with her a normal, healthy sexual relationship.

    Was very excited to find this site and read about the science behind what I thought of as my faulty 'wiring,' and to know there are many others out there who have struggled w/ the same issues.

    I could probably spend another hour or two writing about my experiences with this, but don't have the time...but did want to finally start something here. I'm completing day 10 without any porn, and am looking forward to putting many more days behind me. As I mentioned I've quit for short periods before, but for some reason am very hopefully about it this time, as I'm not just quitting cause I know it's a bad habit and must not be good for me, but now I can attach the science and the rebooting concept to it. I know this is a problem that's been years in the making for me, and am realistic about how quickly I can fix it, so not expecting things to be good as new after 90 days etc. But looking forward to getting stronger each day, and hopefully sharing my success with others, and enjoying their success with them.
     
  2. Bhunter

    Bhunter New Member

    Welcome!

    I think it's fantastic that you have decided to fix your problem. I especially find it admirable that you're doing this not just for yourself, but also for your wife. That in itself, I feel, is a good reason to give yourself a pat on the back.

    Seeing as how you have stopped for periods of time before, I believe that you will be able to build upon that and really reach success. No it may not be as short as 90 days, but each day is a step in a better direction.
     
  3. ready4this

    ready4this New Member

    Thanks for the comments Bhunter...appreciate it.

    Don't have much time to check back in, and try to avoid the computer when I'm alone and more likely to relapse, but think it may be important to kind of keep this journal going to document my progress, get advice, hopefully give some as I get further along etc. In day 18 now...definitely feel much better mentally about it all...feel naturally hornier about the 'normal' day to day fantasies etc...still very much aware of the triggers that would cause me to jump online and play in the past, or at least get me looking forward to it, so am being careful about not focusing on them...also exercising, so feeling better there too...no where near where I want to be, but definitely moving in the right direction I think. Finding that keeping the 'streak' going, and having the days add up, in its own way is something to look forward to.
     

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