Porn and Prostitute Addiction, Relationship Problems, Limp Penis, and Flatline!

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by CDB666, Apr 8, 2014.

  1. CDB666

    CDB666 New Member

    First, I would like to thank this forum and the Yourbrainonporn website for giving me all the information needed for me to make this trans-formative journey in which I thought there would be no light at the end of the tunnel....I endured and I am emerging from the ashes like a Phoenix just reborn....now all I have to do is continue to grow in the right direction.

    Where to begin?!
    The Beginning makes sense

    I first started masturbating at around 10 years old. I'd come home everyday straight from school and into the shower. I was the cleanest kid ever. My parents had to know what was going on. Thinking of it now, it was so obvious what I was doing. Tyra Banks was actually the first person that I imagined. It's funny how some things you just never forget. It was a complete accident too because when I busted I didn't exactly know what happened....but i do know that I remember thinking, "I'm doing this again tmrw." I feel like this era of my life was pretty harmless. What kid didn't beat off to their favorite model, actress, or female pop star. No biggie....but then I got then we got a computer in the backroom with alittle something we like to call Dial-Up.

    I first started watching porn when I was about 12 or 13 years old. This was back in the days of dial up so at least my patience level was still relatively high. I remember first looking at pictures of models just posing for the camera topless and little by little as the years went by the images got more and more intense. I remember finally getting to the point where beating off to still images was too boring and I wanted to actually see the act of sex and all the sounds and sights that come with it (at least what the porn industry wants us to think its like). In comes Napster! 56k, cable, T1, and God willing T3 connection speeds are what i used to stare at for hours waiting for a Bang Bros video to download. It was my life. School, playing outside, and when the day was over, locking myself in the back room with the book case jammed against the door so no one would enter and watch porn videos for hours (obviously this included finishing myself off 2 or 3 times).

    This went on for years and years. I had a couple of girl friends during this time which was mainly high school but at the time, I could bust a nut 3 or 4 times a day without breaking a sweat. I remember I jacked off 5 times in 30 mins one day. That was only using my Spank Bank but my point is, that I never experience any kind of Porn Induced ED at the time. Then came college.

    I moved out for 4 years and my porn watching habits went through the roof. I don't know how I could have thought that so much porn usage was completely harmless. On the contrary, I thought i was a sex expert and any girl would have been lucky to have me. I knew how to fuck. I knew how to please a women. I mean, that's all I've seen for the past 10 or so years of my life. Women being railed while screaming at the top of their lungs. This is what I thought sex was. Boy was I wrong.

    I remember the first time penis didn't go up. I was completely bewildered. She wasn't smoking hot. She was just one of those girls who understood me so it just made me extremely attracted to her. I came over in the middle of the night and she was insanely excited that I had just decided to show up. We started making out and undressing each other. She was wet beyond belief and I was..........seriously wondering what the fuck was up with me. I didn't understand. I was so attracted to her. She was really cool about it. That wouldn't be last time either.

    After that I starting going out with this girl who was absolutely amazing. I mean, wifey material to the tenth! She would cook, clean, do my laundry, work out with me, let me live with her, buy me food, and was just all around down for anything. Great girl. For the entire year that we went out, I think we had sex one time that was truly enjoyable. It wasn't necessarily her either. It was me!!! I couldn't stay hard most of the time. Constantly getting flacid or having to make her do things that she wasn't necessarily comfortable with just to get me excited. I blamed her for most of it. (Sidenote: I was still watching porn every night before I went to bed and would constantly jack off in the shower to scenes from my favorite porn sites.) I became increasingly frustrated with the situation and would secretly blame her in my mind. I slowly started to sleep at my folks house towards the end of my relationship and whilst sleeping at home I stumbled upon a site that would change my life forever. ( I'm not going to name it because I do not want to lead anyone towards the wrong path. If you already know it, good for you, please do not say what it is for those new on the path to recovery. The worst thing we could do to each other is give us another means of feeding the monster)

    The website was a service for a escort girls and a variety of different services you could receive for a little money out of pocket. I went to my first hooker at 2 in the morning and for the next year I would be addicted to massage parlors and sex workers alike. This was probably the worst chapter in my life emotionally. I had just broken up with my girlfriend. I was smoking way too much bud. I couldn't help but think about what hooker I was going to see next. I was living by myself in a closet of an apartment. I also went through at least 5 grand worth of student loans on working girls....and of course, the porn usage was through the roof once again. What the fuck was going on with me. I remember the day I hit rock bottom or at least I that's what rock bottom had to feel like. I'll never forget it. I was in my room, it was 3 am, I had just got back from seeing a hooker who lived 30 mins north of me who stole my money, and I had smoked so much weed that I couldn't stop coughing even though my last hit was 30 mins ago. I called my therapist that night and quickly began therapy the next week.

    I had discovered YBOP about a month or so prior to this so I was already making some effort to stop beating off to porn. Then I made an effort to stop masturbating before I went to bed. Then i made an effort to stop masturbating when I was bored. But, it was as if I still needed an outlet to release my so called sexual tension. As if I had so much momentum after years of seeing ASS ASS ASS ASS that I couldn't help but continuously want to see more.....ASS ASS ASS. This was the time of the prostitutes. Even though I had hit rock bottom, i had made progress with the porn, masturbating, and weed....but the hookers...man the hookers had me in a tight grip. They were a black hole and i was a beam of light that tried tirelessly to escape but was overpowered by their pull that not even the laws of physics could help me. Shit was rough! During this time, I dated a couple of girls, one girl in particular who was smoking hot. I mean smoking. Thick hips, lips, and a freak in bed. I thought at the time that because i had quit watching porn my erection would have come back by then, but it didn't. Well, maybe alittle bit but I am now convinced that going to all those hookers was doing the same thing that porn was doing. I had a selection of fine phat ass women that I could see whenever I wanted. The only difference between the hookers and porn was the computer screen (to be honest, I even spent hours in front of the computer looking for the perfect girl to go see....soooo no difference at really). We broke up because I was embarrassed...and because I was going to insane amounts of therapy which constantly had me "expressing my emotions" and questioning "how I felt at the moment" that I think i might have pushed her away as well with all the sentimental stuff. Not that it's bad, but I think I might have gone overboard. Anyways, it took me a little over a year to finally stop seeing prostitutes but I finally managed to do so. Hello FLATLINE!!!!!!

    This shit was scary! To be honest. I was already flatlining big time during the prostitutes and even before that with all that porn. I constantly had to increase the "freakness" of either the porn site or the hooker I was seeing at the time. Flatline is the worst. I think I went through a 2 year flatline to be honest. I was still getting myself off but this was after extreme stimulation followed by feeling like I didn't have a penis between my legs for months at a time. I legitimately thought I would never recover. I would spend endless hours on this forum reading success stories trying to keep myself going through the "void." I think I finally made it out though. I'm at a point that I never thought I would be again. All those nights praying to god to return me to my days of high school where I would get hard in the middle of class just by looking at the finest chick (or freakiest by rumor) and imagining me ravaging her.

    Currently I am talking to a girl who I never would have seen myself with. She's a plus sized girl. Super cool chick. Down to earth. But not the model type girls that I used to date. I used to date some hotties (objectively speaking that is of course). But this girl is just down to talk and hang with me that it turns me on. Literally and figuratively of course. But for the sake of this post, Literally being the more important of the two. I get hard just by talking to her on the phone. When we make out, my pants are soaked from the general getting way too excited. I got blue balls early today after making out with her. I had to come home and beat one off just to make the pain go away. That's another thing. I don't masturbate just to masturbate any more. I do it cause if I don't, my balls will explode.

    I guess after all that rambling I just wanted to say that the point of my story is that there is light at the end of the tunnel. It took my two years to finally see it. I know I will continue to progress but I am extremely happy with where I am at the moment. If you're looking for a concrete answer as to what to do....here it is.

    Stop watching porn and stop masturbating in the shower and anywhere else. Don't edge. It's not cool to give yourself blue balls. Don't ever ever ever start seeing prostitutes. Black hole and it's a bitch to shake off. Trust me on this. Don't go to them to see if you still got it or whatever. Steer clear!!! Also, remember that there are two motivations in life. Avoidance of pain and pursuit of pleasure. Avoidance of pain being the stronger of the two but it is also the reason we do not pursue our dreams. Remember, that in life we are always doing and moving towards something but it is important to decipher whether you are running from something or, more importantly, running TOWARDS something. Yes, the fear of your penis not so much as even twitching to a gorgeous girl in your arms should motivate you enough to stop watching porn. That's some strong motivation right there, I'll tell you. But, in the grander picture of life, you should be wanting to move towards a life that has depth and meaning. To have a relationship where the first and only thing we judge a women isn't by her appearance. Shit, if there's one thing I've learned over the past year, gorgeous women are usually not the most interesting women (but that's just me).

    I hope and pray that you begin to take measures or continue to take the measures that you have been to recover from this sneaky ass epidemic that so many of us men have had to endure due to our lack of knowledge and desire to fuck hot women (boys will by boys). I also pray that you do not take my route and if you are currently on it, to deviate immediately. My recovery has taken much longer that what it should have due to the "Hookers on the Point" era of my life.

    Lastly, for those of you who like to see what other people's stats are like, here are mine.

    Porn Usage
    15 years

    Porn Abstinence
    2 years ( 6 slip ups in that time, I was disgusted at the sight of penis when i went back. What the fuck was wrong with me!?)

    Longest streak without Masturbating
    67 days ( Freak nasty from work came over and it was a wrap!)

    Other Streaks
    47 days
    39 days
    33 days
    and lots of 20 something days

    Porn Status
    Non existent

    Masturbation Status
    Only when absolutely necessary ( i usually go for 20 days straight, but lately with this new chick I'm lucky if I make it a week!)

    Orgasm Status
    Same as above (sometimes I edged....stupid move)

    ED Status
    Virutally gone! Flatline does pass!

    Walking around with a random boner because of a simple phone conversation
    Priceless!!!!!!


    PS: I also went through a slight HOCD period which scared the shit out of me. Guys, if you think you might be gay, you're probably not! If you like penis....you probably are. Simple as that.

    I hope that my post hasn't offended anyone or cause someone to slip up. That's the last thing I would want. But I also wanted to tell my story exactly how it came to mind.

    Godspeed
     
    hope2overcome and Rockbottom93 like this.
  2. hollow

    hollow Lost & Found

    Great story, and main point that I found related to mine is your story with parlors and prostitutes

    I slipped into this way starting from day 82 for 3 times now (now on day 112). So quickly I started to feel it as an addiction. Spending loads of money on this stuff while I am just a student. I broke up with my gf after 2 months, mainly cause of pied. Then on my first massage parlor visit I had my first successful bj. Maybe thats why I like it, its the best quality of women shapes, stress free environment, & you can have it whenever you want.

    But I have to admit that its dirty, and maybe a bit similar to porn. After p pathways were getting down, I started to feel them getting stronger again. My ex who faded away really broke my heart & got me away from trying again getting into a new relationship. However p or p (porn or prostitutes) shouldnt be the answer.

    Anyway thanks for sharing your story.
     
  3. CDB666

    CDB666 New Member

    Thanks for the response bro. I figured I'd post something related to Prostitutes as well because I haven't found too many stories about people dealing with Prostitute addiction and I wanted to put it out there or at least build on the information already in circulation.

    I'm sorry to hear about your Ex...woman can seriously sidetrack you. Stay strong and do whats right.

    Keep it up bro. I wish you the best of luck.
     
  4. hollow

    hollow Lost & Found

    Thanks, but please post it. I have been searching for related stories actually.

    I am a very addictive person .. & trying hardly to stay away from them nowadays. However the problem is that i am not 100% sure that hookers would affect my progress. Some ppl saying its fine, as long as they are real women. In means of being better than no rewiring at all. Dunno !
     
  5. CDB666

    CDB666 New Member

    Bro, if you google " Your Brain Rebalanced Prostitutes" a bunch of posts will come up. Of course, nothing is very scientific only life experiences.

    I can relate with you about being an addictive person. I tell people this all the time. I sometimes refrain from trying something out for the first time because I know that I'll want to do it again if I like it. Like I said in my original story, after I saw my first prostitute, I was hooked. I had to go again the next day and the next day and the next day. Sometimes more than once in one day. The only thing keeping me from going everyday over that year was the fact that I saw how fast my money was dwindling. The same thing happened after the first time I smoked weed. I'm sure everyone who smokes can remember at least one time saying, "this is my last blunt." Just like I would constantly say, "this is the last time I see a hooker."

    It's all a ritual. Whatever the addiction might be...P or P as you so elegantly put it.

    Preoccupation
    Fantasizing for hours or days as to what it would be like to see a hooker

    Ritual
    Searching the internet for hours looking for the perfect hooker to go see (or perfect scene)

    Acting out
    Going to see her

    Despair
    Feeling like shit afterwards (not necessarily immediately because sometimes you're feeling elated, but that shit will pass too, and in comes the depression)

    It's a nasty cycle.

    As to your comment about "people saying its fine, as long as they are real women", I would say that's just an excuse (which I have used multiple times as well, so I completely understand). But if you think about it for a second, it's the same thing as watching porn in the sense that it's just an illusion. I'm not saying that it's bad or immoral. I'm one for trying a lot of things. But when it gets to the point where you can't stop, that's definitely a problem. You saying that you're an addictive person....well, I would say to stop going to them before it gets worse. You're essentially telling your brain that "this is the way to get sex and to orgasm." You're just reinforcing the notion that it's ok and before you know it, instead of wanting to see porn, you want the real deal and you'll end up just another John.

    This is that part that really fucked with my head too. I'm a really clean person. I don't mind clutter but I do mind filth, if you get my drift. I've been on other forums where all they talk about is what they do with hookers and what their experiences were like. Things like bare backing (raw dogging) with multiple men. If you think about that for a second, it's fucking disgusting....but the crazy part is that, my addiction to them was sooo strong, that I didn't care if I was in contact with another John's....whatever. That shit doesn't click in my head now. But back then, I just made it a point not to think about it even when I knew that's what was going on.

    My advice to you would be to get off that road quick! Because looking back at it now, whenever I went to see a working girl, most of the time, I would just want to talk to someone and be in someones company. I can 't tell you how many times I would call up a girl and negotiate with her, knowing that I wasn't going to go, so I would just ask for some ridiculous terms that I knew she would reject but I just wanted to hear someones voice at 2 or 3 in the morning. When I think about it, the whole issue is so much deeper than just wanting to bust a nut. That's just the medicine that we give to ourselves to deal with what's really going on.

    My pops left just before I started watching porn. I had no one to teach me about women. Society tells us that to be a man, you need to be fucking bad bitches left and right. Porn and prostitutes only furthers this twisted mentality. I would steer clear bro. Real talk.

    One guy I would do some research on is Patrick Carnes. He's the leading expert on sex addiction or so they say. Here's a link a video he has that will explain a lot of what I was dealing with.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1pQfGD_MQI

    This is another link to a video about how Porn leads to the development of the John....this women is pretty intelligent. If you do research on her and you begin to dive into feminism....be careful. These Feminist are trifling and I'm not into they crap they talk about (my opinion). But nevertheless, this video will touch on the whole process of men fucking up their brains through the use of porn.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ng172g_F8rM

    This is all just from my experience. I can only tell you what I believe to be true from my past. I hope this helps.
     
  6. Bibbity

    Bibbity Wife of a recovered addict. 3 yrs strong.

    Awesome recovery and your message is so important!

    Excellent videos. It is always shocking to me how asleep people are to the manipulation money machine that is porn. It is reducing men and women to dehumanized objects for profit.
     
  7. beatsmode31

    beatsmode31 Member

    Great story, thanks a lot for sharing.

    I relate to your story a lot except the prostitute part maybe.

    Gives me a lot of hope on the flatline side, I'm hitting soon my 16th month of flatline and it's getting very long. Boners just talking on the phone... definitely want to reach that.
    Just one quick question about that: is that specific girl that "reactivated" your libido, or you felt a difference in general?

    Keep it up, thanks again
     
  8. hollow

    hollow Lost & Found

    on day 25 .. i got a boner while texting my girl & in the street .. i hear everybody for now saying what an animal !

    at night when she came over .. after taking a cialis pill, i damn failed in bed !

    you got it totally wrong guys .. you just need a boner when u approach sex, thats it !

    also, i have skipped from my progress all clean streaks followed by relapses .. its not easy, but thats the best thing i have ever done
     
  9. CDB666

    CDB666 New Member

    Bro, I feel different in general. I mean, looking back just 2 years ago, it's night and day.
     
  10. Congratulations mate it's great to see another success story and more importantly I think is that you never gave up! 2 years may seem like a long time to most and they would freak out but it's important to just keep with it and accept it takes as long as it takes.

    I'm curious if you could elaborate some on any rewiring process you went through. Eg Did you start straight away? Wait a bit? Did you progressively notice improvement when you did? Really just anything you could share. Main reason I'm curious is like you I've had porn use, primarily fetish in my case for 15+ years so I'm expecting a long reboot too just because of the severity of my FIED the rewiring bit is a bit more daunting. I'm certainly not going to let it hold me back just always curious to see how different people went about it to achieve success.
     
  11. CDB666

    CDB666 New Member

    In regards to rewiring, I have to admit, I was really afraid to get started. After PIED with multiple women, it becomes a big obstacle that you need to overcome (mentally anyways). I was still dealing with "limp penis" syndrome pretty intensely while I was seeing hookers. The last time I visited one was last July. I ended up talking to a girl who I worked with for a while and we ended up sleeping together a few times around September. Which was 2 months after I stopped with the hookers. One thing I noticed that helped me a lot with the rewiring process is the act of "wooing" a girl (old school ass word). You know, talking to her, getting close, suggestive text messages, random making out....you know, just the act of pursuing her (provided she wants you to). After that I didn't hook up with another girl till December. It was my birthday, so this was more of a "I'm going to give you a Bday present to remember me by." Cool, I thought it was great.....but I had trouble getting it up. I did eventually, but the thing with this situation is that, there was no "Pepe Le Pew" shit going on. It even caught me off guard to an extent. After that, I kind of got scared again (being as I had trouble getting it up) that I kind of just went back into my little bubble. I have to admit, I did jerk off sometimes over the course of the past few months, but what I did was imagine previous sex encounters with girls that had sex with me because they were into me (no hooker fantasies). I feel like it helped me remember what it was like to sleep with a girl who was just as eager as I was (that was what I felt I had to do because I had so many hooker experiences).

    The girl I'm talking to now, it's been moving really fast (we haven't had sex yet, last night things got pretty intense though) but there has been a lot of talking and getting to know one another as well. I also think that we're both really attracted to one another. There is something about when a girl is into you that kind of amps up the mood.

    If I had to give you some advice, it would be:

    Build the tension or attraction between you and the girl (this can be somewhat daunting, I know, especially when I would think that most girls just wanted to have sex on the first encounter too. This really isn't the case. I mean, sometimes it is, but I don't have the game to pull that off)

    If you want to masturbate, do it to girls from your past. (Don't think of porn or whatever your crutch may be, in your case i would say whatever your fetish maybe. In order to re-sensitize yourself to normal, boring women, muahaha, I'm just fucking around, but seriously, you want to re-sensitize yourself)

    Don't look at pictures of girl on the internet ( When I would get really horny sometimes, I would google "beautiful women" online and view at dozens of them for a few hours. I felt one day that this wasn't productive so I stopped immediately)

    Lastly, KEEP GOING! ( i seriously thought for months that my flatline was going to be my Status Quo for the rest of my life, it sure felt that way. I also had to battle with this thought in my head constantly, I'm a pretty big believer on what you focus your mind on is what manifests, so I had to make it a point to think that I would be reset back to my high school days. This is one of the main reasons why I would think of girls from my past.)

    I hope this helps. Keep going and make it happen bro.
     
  12. Thanks very much for that detailed response I can take a lot away from that. I'm definitely sticking with the process I don't give a shit how long it takes just trying to avoid any total failures in the bedroom.

    Congrats again mate.
     
  13. hollow

    hollow Lost & Found

    If you are ready to be enough strong for going through this tough process, you will forget about sorrow in bed

    Thats what I discovered after spending 8 years failing in bed with loads of girls, I can never count how many times I failed in these years !
     
  14. Apollo

    Apollo New Member

    Brother i wanna hug you, great story with great success congrats man!!! I found it related to mine is your story with porn, masturbating,weed and hookers almost exactly the same as mine except i did saw few (7-10) shemale hookers also due to i was already escalated and stuck into shemale porn so i thought maybe it will work with them and i can get it up (by the way im not gay but u know how porn can mess up with your brain) . So when i tried with shemale hookers it didn't work either i got disgusted each time and never ever was able to f**k one either (except one which lasted 20 second due to my PME and PIED )

    Bro im so happy that i read your story it motivated me like never before i thought i was the only one with escort addiction ..

    it has been 7 days since i PMO'd and 10 days since i smoked weed and 5 months since last time i was a hooker (cuz there are no escorts in the country i live for the moment which is a big BLesS !!) but im afraid if i travel i might blow it up cuz i searched the internet for hours looking for the perfect escort few times(in different countries) knowing that im not gonna see them soon (might be Prostitute cravings) ..

    my goal now is to stay in total abstinence until marriage which may take several years due to my financial problems (im muslim and live in a muslim country so its almost impossible to have sex here unless you are married) but im planing on a business trip next month and need your advice on how to stay away and fight the temptation of easy access to fine ass hookers there :-[ :-[

    sorry for the long talk .. and thanks for the help and sharing your story

    God Bless
     
  15. Thanks for that comment I'll certainly take that with me going forward. I've always been someone whose a bit self conscious which is something I'm working on. I know this will sound stupid possibly but I don't view myself as a traditional porn addict in the sense it's not been a huge battle for me to stop. My big issue was being so into femdom shit and unable to get it up in vanilla situations I actually thought I was just wired different and had very little choice if I wanted a 'sex' life. When I learned otherwise it's been relatively simple to cut porn, masturbation and orgasm out for the purpose of recovering and achieving my goals. My motivations are simple, my life is fairly complete but I lack a partner or a serious relationship but I doubt my reasons for doing this are any more powerful than anyone elses which I guess is why I don't think of myself as a total porn addict. It's still definitely a vice and something I don't intend to indulge, I'm definitely not out of the woods as far as a possible relapse goes but I don't even think about my porn/femdom past hardly at all now that I know there is an alternative. My concern is purely that 15+ years of fetish indulgence has wired me up so much that it will take a while to recover but there's definitely been some progress and I'm nearing the feared point of rewiring. That being said my confidence and hunger for it has never been higher so I'll give my brain a little more recovery time before I embark on this task then get to it.
     
  16. hollow

    hollow Lost & Found

    Regarding your problem with p taste, which might be main trigger for the success of your progress .. let me tell that I have got weird women taste, & after having rubbish experience with one of these women in reality, everything has changed .. Nowadays I run away from women with this taste .. when you cut your brain linkage from pixels & grab it into reality, you gonna discover that reality is totally different .. and that pixels interests cant be same like reality ones
     
  17. CDB666

    CDB666 New Member

    I'm glad you could relate. That was one of my biggest questions that I had during my reboot period. "What about hookers?" "Can they mess your brain up too?" "If so, is it the same as porn?" "Is it worse?"

    I personally think that keeping away from hookers was ten times harder than porn. Porn was easy. The hookers....not so much. I'm currently at 9 months myself. I do remember right around the 4 or 5 month period that I almost cracked. I was actually driving to see the girl and on the way there, I decided to call one of my friends from Group. I told her what I was about to do and she talked me through turning the car around and heading back home. It was and still is a constant battle of "I don't want to do it, but I feel like I'm being pulled to do so." Since that time, the fight has gotten much easier. It won't always be an insane battle of the mind vs. the body that you'll have to endure. It does get easier. But you're at a point where I, personally, was still very susceptible to relapse.

    What I did while I was at the same point of your Escort recovery was make sure I was held accountable by someone else. The word "accountable" might even be too strong. Because ultimately, you're going to do what you're going to do, but someone who I could just talk to at the moment. Like I said in an earlier post, almost every time I went to see a working girl was because I just wanted to talk to someone. This also becomes productive because you're taking an Active Role in your recovery as opposed to just trying to wait it out till the urges aren't as strong. You're taking steps and every step you take in the right direction is a "win." Add up all those "wins" and you'll eventually get to a point where you'll want to be.

    Also, try to avoid looking for girls on the web. It might not seem like it but it is in fact part of the addictive process. The Preoccupation Stage (if I'm not mistaken). It's part of the ritual before you actually go and see one. That was the second step that I had to take once I stopped going to see them. Stop looking and calling them up with no intention of going to see them. I think it also prevents the re-sensitization process as well because I remember getting "hard" while looking and fantasizing about them.

    I regards to you saying "your not gay", I hear you. I feel like porn really fucked with my head during the recovery process in other ways other than PIED. I was battling with the thought that I might be gay. Literally, I was asking some known Gay Guys, "how did you know you were gay?" It doesn't help either when you turn on the television and everything you hear is Gay Rights this and this famous person came out of the closet and gay marriage that. It seems to be everywhere now a days. Even the first episode of Game of Thrones last week depicted a scene where a guy is trying to buy a male prostitute. Da FUH?! But, before I ramble on too much about my personal views on things, I just wanted to relate with you about how porn really can mess up your mind. It's scary.

    I hope this helps. Stay strong and remember to take an active role in your recovery, not just a passive one. I'd argue to say that it speeds up recovery as well.
     
  18. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    Hey mate nice story. I too went down the rabbit hole of hooker use.

    I think I visited probably 25 hookers last year. Always wanting to test if my PIED was getting better, trying to justify it by becoming accustomed to sex etc

    I have visited one this year and after many months away from them it felt exactly the same as porn. Huge dopamine rush, heart racing etc on the way their, getting excited etc and thats when I knew shit was real. Its exactly like porn.

    The best experience for me with girls was on a boys trip away. I got hard making out with girls out at clubs, had a girl lay next to me in bed while her friend was fucking my friend, she was married and just wanted to lay down cause it was 5am but just having this pretty girl lay next to me and to see her ass in tight pants plus her perfume I got rock hard for like 20 minutes.

    The build up is what gets you aroused and my advice to anyone is stay away from hookers as a way to help ED. Ripping your pants off and expecting to have an erection is unrealistic.
     
  19. beardoclock

    beardoclock New Member

    I visited hookers twice this week after breaking up with my girlfriend. Even on the way to the brothel I told myself that I need help, but I'm just going to go one last time. I don't know the best way to avoid seeing hookers, but I'm going to start by not viewing them online because we all know what that eventually leads to. I just love how everything is no strings attached and no questions asked. But now I realize that this is not how life works. You actually have to do the work to pickup girls, they're not just going be sitting there waiting to fuck you.

    Anyways, just thought that I could relate to your success story, it gives me hope at the beginning of this journey.
     
  20. Apollo

    Apollo New Member

    thanks for the wise answer i really appreciate it .

    Its great that you had friends who you could talk through this but for me its not the case, i have to go through this all alone (i have only God to help me and then you and wise people like you on this forum who i could talk about these stuff)

    you are right, i must stop doing this or else i am gonna relapse or go and visit one if i travel .

    i have question when you visited them could you maintain erections or you had ED and continued to visit them ? for me i wanna stay in total abstinence until marriage but also want try to rewire in 4-6 months to see if im healed, so i am thinking to try on with an escort just for the last time i hope , its not the wisest idea i know but i have no other options for the moment ..
     

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