PMO, Chat, and The rise and fall of my sex life.

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by NewVerse, Feb 10, 2014.

  1. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    I know what you mean
    In fantasy we can create and control all the variables.
    NewVerse likes this.
  2. JohnQ

    JohnQ Active Member

    I agree with you, I wouldn’t want to get involved with someone that was close to my friends. Too risky.

    Sounds like you are making progress!
    NewVerse likes this.
  3. NewVerse

    NewVerse Member

    Boxer, exactly! But is also just that. Fantasy. The reality of that fantasy is me sitting alone in a stuffy room either looking for the right video, or chatting and making shit up in my head and jerking off. Literally for hours.
    Followed by feeling tired, ashamed, weak, and trying to mask it publicly.
    If I could let that image dominate my thoughts when urges strike instead of the fantasies pushing them out of the way, I would have killed this addiction a long time ago.

    John Q, day by day. This is i think the 2nd or 3rd longest I have been completely clean. 35 days. or 42 since I've "finished" I think 54 days was the longest. I know I'll need much longer if I seriously want to recover. So far so good!
  4. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    I totally agree. If there was a way to bottle up and bring out when tempted the negative impact of pmo it would be a game changer
  5. Rapha

    Rapha Active Member

    Maybe you need to raise your standards and start taking this more seriously.

    Since you've identified that weekends are the times you usually slip up, is there a way you can find some healthier behaviours to replace your existing ones? Are you triggered by loneliness, boredom or something else? See if you can narrow down your triggers then change what you do on a weekend. Get out the house more, start a DIY project, reconnect with a friend/family member.

    Consider learning something new (it's not too late) or spend time working on setting some goals for the next few weeks, months, years. If you have a clear set of goals , a sense of purpose and something to aim for you'll be less likely to sit in front of a chat room for hours on end.
  6. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Yes. Well said
  7. NewVerse

    NewVerse Member

    Rapha you are right and I should clarify, even in this pattern, most of my weekend is spent with family and friends. I purposely try to fill time up, because it's when I'm left to my own devices when I will slip. Sometimes I'd get home around midnight or one am, and go at it. Free time is a killer for me. I don't generally spend entire weekends binging on chat and fantasy, but I have done it before. It's miserable.

    As far as triggers, probably a combination of boredom, and lack of a certain type of connection or intimacy that is missing from my real life. The type of connections I avoid out of fear or ED, which is also the same thing that drives me down that hole that causes it in the first place.

    I have made lists of alternative things to do with my time, lists of missed connections and opportunities from this addiction. Lists of all the negative effects. As many of you know, some times urges have a way of kicking all that stuff out of the way. I know what I have to do. It is a matter of doing. it.

    I'm still going strong now at about 5 and a half weeks. The further I am from it, the more silly and ridiculous and pathetic all this fantasy stuff seems. And I feel pretty good. I have also been HERE before so I need to keep my eye on the ball.
  8. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Looks like some good positives going on for you !
  9. NewVerse

    NewVerse Member

    Thanks Boxer! 40 days and coasting. Urges are low. Morning wood daily, which I can't remember the last time that was the case
    Hopefully I am healing. Eyes on the prize!

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