PMO, Chat, and The rise and fall of my sex life.

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by NewVerse, Feb 10, 2014.

  1. sonofJack

    sonofJack I deserve self-respect

    Stay strong today. Tomorrow, you'll appreciate the effort.
  2. Cosmo

    Cosmo These porn pretzels are making me thirsty!

    NV, This is exactly where I'm at, too. I'm still feeling the pull of old thoughts and memories and am taking inventory of the other areas of my life that I want to change so I can avoid falling into the trap again. I wish you luck on building up your arsenal. You're doing great!
  3. NewVerse

    NewVerse Member

    soJ, and Cosmo

    Thank you both so much. Your words of encouragement really do help. Without you guys, and everyone here, I could have never stayed clean this long. And looking back, and considering how hard trying to quit has been in the past, these last 25 days have been relatively easy.

    I've found that I never have any problems with urges, as long as I bat the thought away immediately when it enters my head. It could be a pic, or a memory, and there's this tiny window of time that's crucial. It's only a few seconds (if that). As long as I re-direct within that window, the thoughts are meaningless/powerless, and I move on. If i allow them to linger past that time window, the dopamine drip begins, and they get stronger. I'll start feeling that pull. There's that "don't you miss the rush?". I can usually get out of it, though I feel like there were a couple times this week that if i actually had the time to binge, I may have been screwed.

    The good part is that I'm getting better at knowing what's going on. Knowing what I'm doing when these triggers set in, and becoming more skilled at brushing them off, and re-directing. Even the little free time i have over the next couple days, I won't binge because I'm too aware of how it would screw up the rest of my weekend. And I'm going to need the better me for all the other stuff I need to do this weekend.
  4. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    You're closing in on four weeks. Things get easier from this point on.
  5. NewVerse

    NewVerse Member

    Sure hope so!
    I'm much too busy for binges this weekend. Probably a good thing, because the way life is kicking the shit of me today, it's hard not to run to my usual escape, and think about something else for a while. All the better since I know it always makes everything worse.

    Guess we all have to grow up some time.
  6. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    That's what it does down to. We all have to grow up.
  7. Rex

    Rex PMO free is the only way it's going to be for me.


    I had that same kind of day today. Work definitely kicked me hard today. In the past I would have fallen to PMO as my stress release from a bad day at work. But instead when work was done, I just relaxed and chilled for a while listening to a radio program. A few times the urges hit but they were like background noise that I could easily shut off.

    That's a big step forward that you didn't fall to PMO in what would have been in the past been an event that would have triggered a fall. You are definitely making great progress.
  8. NewVerse

    NewVerse Member

    It's weird being able to look at this thing almost from the outside. Much of this is forming new habits. Had some problems today, and that escape instinct kind of kicked in. It's nothing new, but you don't realize how much you lean on something until you actually stop doing it. I actually just laughed it off.

    I'm not sure how at risk I would be if I wasn't so busy this weekend, but part of the reason I'm busy is because I purposely committed myself to extra things with work and friends, so there wouldn't be much of a gap. I figure if I can keep functioning with this type of awareness, I can get so used to going through life without pmo until there's no real room for it, and it feels too out of place to bother. Also, doing (real life) things in its place is helping me procrastinate much less. It's a nice bonus.

    I'm hoping to keep this up until eventually not binging is second nature in the same way that binging had become.

    You, and everyone else here have been a huge help.
  9. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Happy for you NewVerse,

    Great that you are busy and mindful! It is really nice to use our time free from binging on pmo to bring out the greater aspects of ourself.

    Funny , that your " escape instinct kind of kicked in" but you just laughed it off. I have done that, found myself laughing at the notion of indulging in that "past" behaviour and it feels great to laugh in the addictions face!
  10. NewVerse

    NewVerse Member

    Thanks so much, fj

    keeping that awareness definitely helps, though those pathways are deep.
  11. NewVerse

    NewVerse Member

    Made it to 30 days which i'm pretty sure is my longest time ever without either porn or fapping since before I started as a teenager.

    No dancing on the grave of my addiction, because I know the urges are still there. Some days they're strong. Some days they're not much of an issue. Trying to keep busy, positive, and go one day at a time.

    A huge thanks to everyone here. I still have a long way to go, but I couldn't have made it this far without you guys.

  12. dannoj59

    dannoj59 Andy knows

    You've hit a milestone. There's something to celebrate. Just don't celebrate by giving in to the urge. Find new ways to celebrate. Healthy ways to reward yourself. Way to go.
  13. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    PMO is never a reward. Being free of PMO is the reward.
  14. Hermes Hiccups

    Hermes Hiccups New Member

    Read through your post and brought inspiration to me thank you and congratulations on 30 days. Your progress is helping others as well as yourself!
  15. Cosmo

    Cosmo These porn pretzels are making me thirsty!

    NV, congrats on 30 days! It's funny the lengths our minds will go to to lure us back into the PMO trap. Sometimes you can't help but laugh at just how manipulative it can be, like a child begging for a toy. Stay strong and don't give in. You're doing great!
  16. NewVerse

    NewVerse Member

    dannoJ, LTE, HH, Cosmo, thanks so much for the encouragement. It sincerely means a great deal to me

    @ Hermes Hiccups, Wow! Even the idea that my progress is helping you, or anyone else here i something I had not even anticipated when i first signed up. Being of any help to others here dealing with similar compulsions (even in the slightest way) is a pretty amazing thing.
  17. midge

    midge Guest

    Thirty days of freedom! Well done, NV. I'm very happy for you.
  18. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    Thirty is a good milestone. You are past the worst of it.
  19. NewVerse

    NewVerse Member

    @midge - thanks very much. Freedom is a great way to describe it. while i'm not completely free of this thing, i'm getting better at instinctually shutting down urges without too much effort. i guess my impulse control ("think about it") pathway in my brain is gaining more strength with time. sometimes I let the thoughts linger too much, and while one part of my brain will start searching for a time when I can binge, the other part will fill that time slot by making other plans, assuring it won't happen.

    @LTE - great to know. it hasn't been extremely difficult up to this point. Avoiding triggers has been my biggest hurdle so far. I feel like much of it is conditioning, and forming new habits, until they become the new normal.
  20. grimdark

    grimdark zombie

    31 days, awesome. Youre actually way cooler than me at this point 8)

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