PMHO: Porn, Prostitute addiction and ED problem

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by gerard, Oct 13, 2012.

  1. gerard

    gerard New Member

    I wanted to thank you all for your posts (especially TheUnderdog).
    You really put things in a new perspective for me as I too have some similarities with your situation!

    My situation: Porn, Prostitute addiction and ED problem

    Porn: I have been PMO-ing on hardcore VHS porn at very young age (I found a stash of VHS porn when I was a kid. I thought I struck gold at the time. Little did I know it would be the root of evil). Since the (broadband) Internet days it has shifted to way more extreme porn material. I'm too embarrassed to even name them. Let's just say that shemale porn is mild on this list.

    Prostitutes: When I was 24 I grew frustrated that I was still a virgin. I saw no upcoming change so I visited a prostitute and lost my virginity. I was single, had money and the prostitute visits were very exciting (it was like a secret life/world) so they became very frequent and eventually grew to an addiction (I've been visiting prostitutes since 2006. I lost track of the amount but it easily tops over a hundred girls. And some trannies too). Someway along the road my quest shifted from having downloaded/seen/PMO'd the best porn video to having visited the best prostitute.

    ED: Initial erection was often not a problem with my prostitute visits. It was at intercourse time that the erection would quickly go away (making a full sexual experience impossible. Very frustrating! I would then have to resort to a handjob). The problem grew bigger and worried me more and more. How could I ever have normal sex IRL if I failed at intercourse everytime with some of the hottest/best prostitutes? Did I have to rely on erection drugs at my young age (which I never tried due to fear of side-effects)? I needed to fix this! But how?


    My failed attempts at ED solutions

    In the beginning the thought did occur to me that there was a link between porn-masturbation and ED.
    But I stupidly gave the performance/coital anxiety, physical condition and reduced penis sensitivity more attention and blame. So I acted accordingly:
    • I thought if I would visit enough prostitutes then I would get relaxed/comfortable and the anxiety and ED problem would go away. After countless of visits, prostitutes had become a regularity and nothing special anymore (sometimes even boring), but the ED problem still remained.
    • I suspected my physical condition so I started to do more sports and eat healthier to get in better shape, but the E.D. problems still maintained.
    • I then blamed my ED problems on condoms, absence of tightness of the vagina of prostitutes and my size thinking these combined factors caused reduced stimulus during intercourse and so a loss of erection. The condom-factor became such a big issue for me that I was solely craving bareback-sex only. Eventually I had sex without condom several times and the problem didn't go away. Also the erection would sometime fail just before the moment of intercourse, so I deduced condoms wasn't the real cause either.
    • Then I blamed masturbation. I thought the masturbation handjobs made me too accustomed to the 'hand'-feeling/tightness and insensitive for other stimulus so I stopped masturbation but I kept my frequent prostitute visits (average at 2 visits a week). I felt that initial erections became easier, but the E.D. problem at intercourse still maintained.

    New realization

    Then I realized that I'm often not horny when I'm visiting prostitutes. The visits were mainly due to addiction and free time/money spending. I wasn't getting fully aroused with the prostitutes, but I was still getting fully aroused when looking at my porn. I actually preferred PMO over the real deal! :
    • I preferred the rich image (various camera-angles and the complete overview) seen in porn more than the real-life sex image (my single POV partial image when having real sex)!
    • I preferred hearing the girl moan in video more than in real life!
    • I preferred masturbating while being alone sitting relaxed on a chair more than having to work at humping during sex!
    Quite disturbing indeed :(

    So I need to find a way to regain a healthy sexdrive for real 3D women. And excessive prostitute visits have no part in this.
    I also recently hit a new rock-bottom in my prostitute-visits/money-spending spree so I decided now is the time to hit a new path!


    Latest attempt: No PMHO

    Thanks to all the overwhelming resources and posts I now realize that I need to rewire.
    My goal: I started with no Porn, no Masturbation, no Hooker-visits and no Orgasm (from here on called PMHO) since 1 October (so I am at 13 days on this posting day). My schedule is no PM ever again and HO (hooker visit - orgasm) once after each 30 days.

    How is it going sofar?
    The refrain from PM isn't hard at all for me since I reduced that some time ago to a minimum (it does get dangerous when I accidentally see an image of an unknown hot pornstar. My curiosity then leads to finding out as much as possible about her including finding her scenes. And we all know where that leads to... But I haven't seen such an image yet so I got this under control for now)
    It is the refrain from HO (hookervisit-orgasm) that is making things hard. Sometimes I think the 30 days target is set too high and I'm tempted to set it to 15 days. The prostitute visits were so regular and exciting/fun....I'm constantly battling myself to refrain from HO (it's making me feel like I'm some kind of junkie). But I need to 'stay clean' at least 30 days for the greater good!

    ------
    I would love to hear your thoughts and maybe exchange experiences. Do you recognize some of this stuff?
    Am I making the right conclusions and taking the right path?
    I messed up badly and I'm posting this so some one else won't have to mess up this badly aswell.
     
  2. CrazyGopher

    CrazyGopher Member

    Hi gerard,

    I think, you are on the right path by getting a journal and getting all your issues down to paper. Or, the internet version of paper ;D

    I have never gone to a prostitute so I can't comment much on that, however, I can definitely relate to preferring PMO to sex with real women. All of my sex experiences have been a big let down due to ED and not really being aroused by the woman.

    I think, actually, we are not unique and most men will find that they prefer porn to real sex, especially if we are talking about HD porn and lots of variety is available. This is not widely understood in the culture yet.

    Anyway, I think you should try to avoid looking at images of porn stars. ;)

    Also, I think you will find the early days are the hard ones and it gets easier as you go along.

    -Gopher

    P.S. -- I will keep an eye on your journal, to see how you are doing. 8)
     
  3. gerard

    gerard New Member

    I had the craziest dream tonight!
    I dreamt I was PMO-ing on a hot scene (and in another perspective I was the action-person in that scene. And I wasn't doing that bad :) ).
    After the PMO I felt guilty and disappointed that this relapse put my counter to 0 days again.
    And then I woke up. The dream was so vivid, that I was very confused afterwards: did I relapse or not?
    Since it wasn't a wet dream (I checked) I can say i'm still going strong since 1 october: now 16 days no PMHO. I'm still going for 30 days no HO and never PMO.
    Also I got sick sunday which helped enormously in keeping the count going (with my job I'm too busy for PMHO during weekdays. It's the freetime during weekends where the danger lures. Since I was sick in bed I luckily had no change for a visit).

    Staying completely clean is close to impossible nowadays. I saw an adventure/fantasy movie with an unexpected unrated sex scene yesterday. And I see too revealing magazine covers everywhere.

    Writing definitely helped in facing the root of the problem more clearly instead of making handy excuses. Lying on paper just looks silly.

    Interesting that you think the same way. I think PMO is more preferred because of the relaxed state (you have no performance expectations to meet at all as you are all alone) and the intensity (the mind can fantasize and fill up holes in greater ways than the senses. Plus you can visualize/fantasize pretty much every scenario exactly to your liking).
    Also the realistic action just cannot meet all that (fake/exaggerated) porn/fantasies. There is a huge mismatch between the two worlds and the expectations are set too high.
    Let's hope rewiring can change that preference.

    Indeed. Most of the time I see these images accidentally though. Like a profile picture on twitter/forum or a porn-related news report (with a name or image) that catches my attention.
     
  4. Cant escape that, you´d have to toss the computer. I still watch regular movies or tv shows and dont care if nudity comes up, as long as it dont trigger you to go all pmo again.

    Ever had a girlfriend? or just prostitutes? Is a switch desirable?
     

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