Please help!!How to start?

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Nick_hf, Oct 12, 2020.

  1. Nick_hf

    Nick_hf New Member

    Hello everyone. Let me put it out what's eating my brain for the past few days.

    I'm 23 M and from age 12 I've been attracted to hair. When I've got my own computer i started watching haircut videos and they would turn me on. Though i didn't realise that this was a fetish, i thought this wouldn't turn out to be a big problem. But i started relying more on it to jerk off. I've had a girlfriend in the past but due to various reasons we didn't get to have sex and i was completely okay with it. She had beautiful hair and everytime I was with her i used to play with it and that alone was enough to turn me on. But slowly I've realised that i wasn't really attracted to her ass or boobs or anything else. I tried jerking off to normal porn but was successful only once. I didn't enjoy it much. But i want to change it, i know that it isn't feasible for me to share/experience the fetish with my future wife. I want her to stay happy physically, emotionally and sexually as well.
    I'm an over thinker and all of this has made me believe that i was gay(no offence) and asexual at certain instances. I couldn't sleep for many nights. Searching through the internet i came across a success story about overcoming femdom and being able to enjoy vanilla sex. Honestly that's all i want and all i ask for.
    Coming to the question, from whatever i have read in the domain, the first step is to stop consuming videos related to my fetish and that will help my Brain rewire. But what should i do after that. Should i, at any time, get back to watching vanilla porn. If yes, when should i do it?. Could somebody provide me the step by step process or point me with a link that could provide the complete information.

    I request all of you to help me out in this. It's way too much weight I'm carrying and honestly i want to end this all and be like a normal person.
    positivef likes this.
  2. DoneAtLast

    DoneAtLast Well-Known Member

    Yup, you're a porn addict alright. I'm sure you've done enough reading to realize that you've developed a fetish that has cemented itself through porn, that you've escalated, had some OCD stuff, and that you're not living out the best sexuality.

    As far as I know, there is no paint-by-numbers step by step process for this. You quit porn, plain and simple. You'll also have to quit the fetish related stuff you no doubt indulge in, likely hair related. I expect that the fetish triggers will be very hard in your case since hair is a G rated thing and you can find it anywhere. I can relate - my odd fetish was pregnant women, and that is something you see all over without having to type it up in a porn site. It is tricky, but you'll learn ways to keep control of the situation as time goes on. The best trick, honestly, is simply acknowledging to yourself that you're being triggered.

    I am not aware of a single (plausible) success story where a person quit porn, recovered from all side effects, and returned to "vanilla porn" and had a healthy relationship with it. If you want to quit, you will need to get used to the idea of never watching porn again. It seems weird now, but that's just the nature of addiction. You're going to want to "test" yourself after a streak to see if your sex drive seems normal, but don't fall for it.

    You can normalize your sexuality, and it definitely will happen. It won't even be "attracted to her ass or boobs", but just to the person. In my experience post-porn women become a unified whole rather than just the sum of erotic components. The hair? you can get that fetish under control. You may have it for life, but once recovered it can be a joy instead of a burden. Generally speaking if a fetish pre-dates porn then you can draw it down to manageable levels but it won't disappear. The purely porn induced fetishes can disappear entirely.

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