PLEASE HELP! About what should I talk with women?

Discussion in 'Social Advice' started by Karan Pratap Singh, Sep 23, 2014.

  1. Okay so I'm a self confessed loser when it comes to dating. However I'm not angry or mad about it, though I'm somewhat sexually frustrated. I'm a virgin but that's by pure choice. I'm a traditional man who believes in reproducing only with my (future) wife. However that does not mean I don't desire female companionship.

    The thing is I've tried almost everything in the last one year to somehow get a girlfriend. Followed all guides to somehow get one girl. But I've failed time and again. Don't tell me to lower my standards and go for ugly girls, that's not going to happen. I've already lowered my standards a lot I've gone from 8/10 to 5/10 I'm not going any lower. No chance.

    So here's the deal. I have made up my mind that come what may I'm going to hit on/approach women once I begin my reboot. I don't care about being rejected anymore. Heck I don't even care being labelled as a pervert or as being desperate. I dont care how weird I may look but I have to do something; anyways I have nothing to lose, I've already hit rock bottom. Here is my plan-
    1) As of now there are 10 girls in my life whom I'm really attracted to. Not all of them know me, as in, who I am. But, I am not a total stranger for those girls, they know me as a person whom they have seen time and again. Shortly put they don't know me directly, but they know me in an indirect manner.
    2) I've decided once my reboot starts I'll directly walk up to those girls (of course one girl at a time), then talk to them & introduce myself and ask them out/tell them I find them attractive and I'll also give them my number. I'll conclude by saying stuff like if you're interested/want things to go forward please contact me or make me know.
    3) If I don't get a call/message for more than 10 days or when the next time I see the said girl and I find her trying to avoid me/ignore me then I'll not bother her anymore and move on to the next girl.
    4) Will do this for all the 10 girls if possible. (But suppose the second girl I approach accepts my proposal then I'll stop at her and forget about the rest)
    5) Hopefully I'll be able to convince at least one to start contact with me and then by God's blessings even get them to go out on a date with me.

    I know many people over here might ridicule me or would disagree with step #2 and I can see why. But frankly speaking I don't care anymore. What could happen at the worse? I'll be cussed at? I'll get rejected? I'll get a slap across the face? I'll be labelled a weirdo or a creep? I'll have her boyfriend (if any) threaten me? She'll call the cops? (I'm a law student by the way I won't do anything illegal or anything unlawful which could land me in trouble, I'll approach the girl in a very polite and civilized manner and not resort to anything slightly vulgar, lewd or offensive.) I'm ready to face any of those things head on. None of them can be as damaging as PMO.

    Also I would like to add here that I don't want to go by that "friend" route or "first know her and come close to her" route. I've failed so many times doing that... Further more I have no intentions of being friend zoned I'll rather be a hopeless loner like I am currently, than be in the friend zone. So no I'll not be doing that bullshit anymore and I'll be direct. I'll be honest from the beginning and make MY intentions known to her right from the start (that I intend on being in a romantic/intimate relationship with her) and then if I lose so be it. At least I'll be satisfied that I tried and there won't be any "What ifs" later on.

    So that's my plan. I know it is not the best of ideas or the most perfect way. But life isn't picture perfect. However ridiculous my plan may sound I'm going forward with it once I begin abstinence.

    Now this is where I need some help. If let's assume one of these girl does indeed show interest in me and is actually willing to take things forward, then what? Then what should I do? I've had zero experience in romantic relationships. About what should I talk with her? With my rather few female acquaintances I exclusively discuss academics, politics or college work. So with my potential girlfriend what exactly should I be doing? I cannot talk about sex straightaway that'll be stupid. With my friends(guys) we mostly talk about sports, politics, how our lives are shaping up or how well they are faring in the dating scene.
    But if I do get a girlfriend, that'll be a completely different story!
    About what stuff should I talk with her? Fashion? Her college? Her hobbies/habits? Sport? What exactly? I feel like a toddler who's just learning to write!
    So please tell me; if I do succeed with my plan and can actually get one girl with me; how should my interactions be with her, how should our conversations shape up? I don't want to walk in the arena without any knowledge, that way I'll be a lamb to the slaughter and I will then surely be dumped very quickly.


    P.S. I've heard/read that when you're with a woman let her do the majority of the talking and be a good listener. How relevant is this theory? ???
     
  2. Lo00ove

    Lo00ove New Member

    To get a number from a girl.. You could try a simple "hi what's your name? I'm ___. I think you're (beautiful, funny, nice, intelligent, etc.. Pick one), and I was wondering if maybe you'd like to go (get coffee, dinner, movie, chill, etc) at some point." If she's single/interested she will smile and say sure then you ask for the number. Don't blow her phone up. Give it a day or two, tell her you were busy then ask when a good time for her is. On the date.. Give compliments, but not creepy ones. "You look beautiful" is enough.. Or if you notice she is smart or funny, later on you can say "I like how funny/intelligent you are".. Just don't overdo it.. Talk about what interest you so you can try to find common interests, but don't forget to ask her about herself... Her goals, passions, hobbies, family, pets, job. Don't make it into an interview... Genuinely try to get to know her so you can connect on a personal level... Just be nice, tell
    Some cheesy jokes.. Be polite/a gentleman, open doors, offer your jacket if she's cold..you know... Cute stuff men usually forget to do. Don't talk about sex too much.. It makes you seem desperate or perverted. Playful jokes are fine, but you don't want to creep her out. Also make eye contact & some sort of physical contact if it's going well.. Even just a little brush on her shoulder or holding hands, or a hug. You don't have to kiss her, but a hug and a kiss on the cheek is sweet at the end, if you're feeling it but don't want to make out.. If that makes sense.
     
  3. ^ very good post.
     
  4. @ GoodMood. Firstly I'm 20 you can see that in my profile. thanks for your help I really appreciate your efforts. But tbh your advise isn't very helpful for me and is not practicable in a super conservative society in which I live. Trying to kiss on the first date will be like suicide and if I start talking about sex right from the beginning that will surely spill disaster for me.
    When did I say the girl will make the first step? Didn't you read this-
    As you can see I've clearly stated that I'll be the one who walks up to them and tries to start a conversation. And since I'll be having 5 minutes at the most in my first approach so I don't think I'll be able to "get to know her" in just 300 seconds, especially since it will be the first time I'll be approaching her.

    What I did imply was that after trying to convince the girl that I'll into her I'll give them MY number and say that if she's also interested then she can give me a call later on or message me, which isn't the first move but it is a sort of a signal that she wants it to go forward. Her calling/messaging me would signify an acceptance of the move that I made.
    And as mentioned earlier in a conservative society like mine, getting a somewhat unknown girl to give her number to you, isn't gonna happen unless you are at least a 9/10 alpha male (Which I'm not). 99% of the times asking a relatively strange girl her number will result in either a very negative glare or some foul language or the girl running away; in my society. So instead of fucking up in my first attempt by asking her number I'll prefer not to do that and instead give her my number and see what happens. As I've mentioned in the OP if 10 days go without any call/message or if I find the concerned woman avoiding me, that will be that and I'll move on to the next girl.
     
  5. ted93704

    ted93704 Keep Your Heads Up!

    I recommend that you don't compliment her. Complimenting her only improves her value relative to yours and does nothing to make you look better in her eyes (oh wow, he's like all the other guys who give me compliments). Just talk to her. Ask her about the environment. Talk to her about the class you are taking, WHEAVER IT IS. After you banter for 10 minutes or so, ask her for her number. Don't tell her why, don't explain, just say "Suzie, whats your phone number?". Zip your lip and let her decide. Her answer tells you everything you need to know. If she gives it to you , you are in like Flynn, if not, you are out...simple as that..if anything but "my number is.."comes out of her bee stung lips...politely excuse yourself and in your head say "NEXT" and go on to the next gal. Don't listen to these other bozos that don't know shit about women. Listen to me, because I know what I am speaking of. Don't compliment...just talk to her regularly..and then ask her for her phone number..simplicity is the greatest form of sophistication
     
  6. ^ I would find it fascinating what your opinions are on the rest of Reply #4. Like me being in a conservative society where chances of a girl giving you her number (if you're relatively unknown) are very slim. Or that kiss on first date part.. That would be relationship suicide in my place.
     
  7. WaveRace

    WaveRace New Member

    Someone I would recommend people checkout is Coach Corey Wayne. He's a life coach and talks allot about women and interacting with them. He's not a pick up artist or one of those style's.
    While he can be really direct and blunt, the guy has some very good insights. I am not trying to promote him, just saying I find allot of his blog videos really interesting. Much of it is about becoming a true masculine man and leadership. The 20's and early 30's for many men can be a literal roller coaster ride of highs and lows.

    The OP's post is something I resonate with. It gets to a point where you have to just do it, practice, not over analyze and stand tall and go for what you want. Definitely a day by day process of evolving beyond our comfort zones.
     
  8. Could you please elaborate some points in the OP with which you resonate?

    Also I saw that Corey Wayne's website; dude looks like a natural alpha male to me who must have always got women dropping in his lap from everywhere. just look at him.
    I don't think an alpha guy who has never had to be in my shoes will know how it feels. And frankly speaking I don't like reading so many rules, it makes me seem as if I'm going for a competitive exam or a job interview. I believe in keeping things simple. I'm not a big fan of this chasing and hard to get shit, I find mixed signals confusing. I think of these cheesy games as a waste.
    I can read all the e-guides I like or go through as many books, but at the end of the day what matters is getting the job done. I've gone through countless dating advice and still I've not gone anywhere because I wasn't bold enough. So I just need to go out there and step in the arena and take the bull by its horns.
     
  9. Panonymos

    Panonymos Humility is a virtue

    Hi guys,
    Boys and girls think totally differently and girls really see dating as a game. When we, boys, take it more seriously it does not work.
    We don't get born with this knowledge, we have to acquire it.
    I used to be like you, not knowing what to do, feeling insecure with the girls, etc.
    That was until I read Double Your Dating from David De Angelo. This book opened my eyes. Read it and then practice.
    Note, this is not manipulation, it is just another point of view that works.
    I hope this helps. It helped me a lot.
     
  10. WaveRace

    WaveRace New Member

    His philosophies are primarily based on personal experiences. True, he's done well business wise, but during his 20's on a social/dating level was quite bad actually. Definitely not a natural to start off.

    Correct - You do NOT have to lower your standards. If you are clear about what you desire, then that allows for filtering out women who would not be a good match. Easier said than done, I know. If you know what you want, that should help with noticing those attributes when they come by. Rather than a lower more generic version.

    Correct - Forget being perceived as a pervert or desperate. Think of it as - Having conversations with women. Not pick up, not approach, not game, none of that b/s. Allot of women find it attractive when a man has the stones to talk to her in public, without trying to get anything other than a conversation and IF you connect, then maybe get the phone # etc.

    There is a BIG difference between the mindset of " I am going out to get women" and "I am going out today and living my life and if I see a cool woman, maybe I'll say Hi and chat". Going out like its no big deal. She's just another person, no better no worse.

    As for what to talk about, I'm still learning that. So many options.
     
  11. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    Didn't read your post cause it was super long but wondering what to talk about is what has always put me off asking a girl to hang out and im still yet to do that which has built it up to be a very anxious thing to contemplate.
     
  12. @WaveRace
    I'm glad that you agree with my mentality; as far as lowering standards goes in my desperation to somehow get a girlfriend I've already lowered my standards considerably.. I'm not going any lower. Just no!
    And I think the biggest decision I have taken is this:-
    I'll make my intentions obvious to the girl from the very start, that I desire a relationship with her. If she doesn't reciprocate my advances.. fine at least it'll be better than being friend zoned. I believe even my current state is better than that friend zone. I just want to be honest about what I am and what I want. Honesty is the best policy. if being honest gets me screwed then well.. So be it. I'm either going to sink or swim with this approach.

    I'm a bit confused about this.. I've already mentioned that when I approach a girl for the first time, I'll tell her that I find her attractive and depending how I actually feel about her maybe even tell tell her that I'm into her. And then I'll give her my number. In my society getting a girl to give her number on the first meeting is ...... Well the less I speak about it the better; unless you're a super alpha guy, chances are you're not going to her her #. if she will be interested she'll leave a message or call me, but if she does not do so for about 10 days then I'll take it as a rejection and wont bother her & will move on to the next girl.
     
  13. @gameover- please read the OP, it won't take more than two minutes.
    And if a senior member like you says that even you are a bit confused about what to talk.. Then I think this must be a very popular dilemma. And I'm not the only one who wonders exactly what should I be taking about with a girl! Seems like this thread has some potential after all!
     
  14. Since we've started discussing about how to approach and dating guides already ... So before this thread starts heading in another direction; I would like to reiterate the original question posed in this thread.

    Let's assume the girl is interested in me and she does become my partner. Now I am going out on dates with her, meeting her for coffee, talking with her on the phone, etc. So everything's going smoothly. But during all these interactions about what should I be talking with her? Could someone please elaborate on that.
     
  15. Lulu

    Lulu Guest

    Tough question. It's especially hard for introverts (like myself). I'm the living, breathing Dexter Morgan.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9cJqK4mnJc

    (@1:15, @1:58, @4:09, @5:54, @8:46)
     
  16. TheBorb

    TheBorb Bullshit detector

    I don't think getting friendzoned is necessarily a bad thing. You can learn how to be at ease with women, talk with them, find out what makes them tick, work their minds out. Fapping always made me depressed and needy and I was always fapping. Since stopping, there is no longer any desperation, no neediness, and I know a LOT about women through those occasional friendzonings in the past. Things change sometimes, oddly.
     
  17. breath

    breath Member

    The closer things get towards actually being physically intimate, having sex, the further away from thinking / talking things go. Talking listening may be ok, but maybe could be a distraction, or a buzzkill.

    Consider for example a hike in nature. little or no distraction of politics, worries of the day etc. eventually the man and the woman together their bodies and and... maybe a path on the river bed. be there not 10 seconds ahead of the moment. don't spend your time with her thinking about whether the topic is a good one, whether you need to talk about this or that. be aware or her. her expression body language, posture..

    Here is I think a good question:
    What does the earth want the 2 of you to do?!
    ( I'm being a bit poetic here. but really not so esoteric i think)

    Answers:
    A - talk about American foreign policy or something cool..
    B- get with nature and procreate.

    the earth wants you two two fuck like bunnies. seriously.

    point is not to worry about the right topic of conversation too much.

    Yes, of course (listening is good and some topics will of curse be more conducive to you and the particular her....) ( plus stuff she likes to talk about are things that she in fact likes - although - differentiate between something that she talks about through compulsion or habit and something which she finds inspiring). Very often in humans our mind follows sadly behind out mouths.

    If a woman enjoys walking and hiking or picnicking with you there is a good chance the conversation may hit that magic moment where nothing needs to be said anymore , and the kiss happens.. partytime, then whatever happens naturally is gonna better than correct
     

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