PIED update during reboot

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Bilbo Swaggins, Aug 9, 2020.

  1. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    Hey friends,

    I’m back after a short break from the forum. Many guys recommend to take a break from the forum once in a while, so I took one. I felt that it was somewhat beneficial, even if it doesn’t change much to the bigger picture. Somehow, rebooting and sex issues were a little less on my mind. For some guys, like me, rebooting can take a long time, so it’s probably best to incorporate the reboot in our lives in a healthy way. From now on, I’ll try to come on the forum once a day, or every two days, instead of coming here all the time, and continuously having these matters on the forefront of my mind. I took some time to go through your journals, it’s good to see that things are going well for some of you. What we’re trying to do here isn’t easy, that’s certain.

    There’s nothing new with PIED. Sex with ED pills is still ten times better than sex without pills. These days, my girlfriend and I have sex only once a week. I had a wet dream last week, which surprised me, because I hadn’t had any since I started having sex again. Other than that, no noticeable changes.

    Apart from that... I recorded some of my songs in a studio. I plan to release my first album in a few months, I’m pretty enthusiastic about this. I try to not have too many unrealistic expectations, but I have to admit that deep inside, I still dream about being a rock star. Kinda childish, but it motivates me a lot. I’ve been working on that project on a daily basis since last summer, not only the music, but also the marketing part. I don’t consider myself healthy and happy yet, but at least I’m working consistently on something. So far, the response is positive, people like my songs and I’m pretty good with social media, which is very important these days.

    And finally, my girlfriend is in a depression right now. A pretty bad one. She had to stop working 6 weeks ago because of that (her doctor gave her a 3-month leave), but she isn’t any better yet. She’s usually a very strong woman, but now she’s broken, vulnerable... I’ve never seen her like that. She’ll get back on her feet, I’m sure about it. It’s a hard moment to go through, but I personally can’t complain, I’m way better than I was a year ago. I just wish I could be more helpful to her. Sometimes I tend to forget she’s in a depression. When she does or says something I don’t agree with, I should learn to shut up a little bit, because it ain’t the time to argue with her, or to be moody. Easier said than done.

    That’s about it. I wanted to thank Pete and Doper for their kind suggestions regarding my alcohol consumption, it gave me the impulse I needed to get a grip on it. I’ve only had 4-5 drinks in the last month, and I wouldn’t have believed you if you told me I was about to stop drinking a month ago. Non alcoholic beers are very helpful in that process, I have one or two most days after work, it almost tastes the same. And I’ve started drinking decaf coffee too, a thing I should have started doing long ago... If you have sleep issues, don’t drink more than one or two coffees a day, guys...
     
  2. Universal

    Universal New Member

    Hey Bilbo,

    5 days from the big one.. Absolute Champion, well deserved.

    So I recall you went no arousal for awhile.. Now you're active with your girl, are you Oing much, if at all? If so, how are the after effects?

    Good work on your album man. Be sure to share it with us if it won't reveal too much personal/identity information. Who cares what your motivation is, or if it may or may not be childish. Ultimately whatever drives us forward and keeps us fulfilled is the only thing that matters. Even if you were to never become a rockstar, you can only benefit from positive belief in your art.

    Beverages used to be a real crutch for me. More coffee than booze, I have had maybe 2-4 cups of coffee in the past 4 weeks. I was amazed at my improvements in brainfog when I quit, even quitting decaf helped brainfog. I did read a paper once on sympathetic nervous system activation from decaf coffee, but one thing at a time, you're moving fast enough and crushing the no P element of health. So remain kind with yourself and your efforts. I'm at the point now where I really, really love the idea of a cup of coffee but then I have one and I'm just like 'meh'.

    Keep it up friend
     
  3. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    Hey man, thanks for dropping by.

    For the time being, I have an orgasm each time I have sex. I usually have sex 3-5 times a month, so at least I don’t overdo it. I know that I might have to stop having sex (or at least avoid orgasms) for a few months again, but right now I don’t really want to do this. Having sex only once a week is already not a lot, and I gotta say it’s usually the best moment of my week. Also, it was not that simple to stop having sex while being in a relationship. And, one last thing: when I stopped having sex, I had high expectations about my reboot, which is not the best thing for me now. The less I think about it, the better it is. So I prefer just going with the flow for now.

    I’m not really sure about the impact orgasms have on me. I don’t go in and out of flatline, I’m more or less always at the same level. My libido is pretty weak, but I can have successful sex most of the time, even if my erections fluctuate a lot. If I take ED pills, things go pretty well. So yeah, hard to say.

    As for my songs, I’d really like to share them, but I don’t know how I could do this. That’s the thing with this forum: it’s anonymous, but at the same time, we share a lot of delicate information... So yeah, I don’t really know how I could share them. But thanks a lot for your encouragements and input, Universal. Much appreciated.
     
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  4. LongReboot41

    LongReboot41 New Member

    Bilbo, I just wanted to stop by and say that it's great to hear that you are finding enjoyment in your music. We all need things to keep us busy and keep our minds off of our condition. According to your tracker, you should be hitting your one-year mark pretty soon, and I'd say that's worth celebrating. A year is a long time, and even though you are not yet fully recovered, don't let yourself lose motivation. I've read several stories here of long-term rebooters who finally saw improvement between years 1 and 2. And, recovered or not, there is no reason for any of us to ever dial back that number to zero ever again.

    I'm a little late to the party, but I wanted to also say that I've also cut down my caffeine and alcohol consumption over the past year, and I can't recommend it enough. Is it doing anything to improve my condition? Not that I can tell. Is it doing anything to improve my overall wellbeing? Absolutely. Constantly putting stimulants and depressants in my body did not bode well for my mood. Some people are hardly affected by it, but as someone who struggles with depression, it's better that I stay "level" and not alter my mood by using drugs. My body tries to overcorrect, and I just end up feeling much worse. Maybe a few people on these forums can relate. I only see positive impacts as a result of minimizing caffeine and alcohol consumption, so it's something I try to do.

    Keep it up, and thanks for sharing your story.
     
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  5. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    Thanks, man. I can’t think of anything to add right now, but yeah, it all makes sense. For guys like us who are over-sensitive, and prone to depression and anxiety, sobriety is probably a must. Nowadays, decaf coffee has a very decent taste, and there are some excellent alcohol-free beers too. So if someone is not able to stop drinking alcohol or coffee, using these substitutes can really make a difference. You don’t change your lifestyle that much, but you give a break to your body and mind. As for cigarettes... There’s no acceptable substitute for that, and smoking cigarettes is such a compulsive behavior that it wouldn’t even be a good thing if there was a substitute for it. I smoked my last cigarette two days ago. It’s too early to celebrate, it’s been only two days. But man, what a poison... Cigarettes put me in a constant state of stress, they make me go to the bathroom so often, they give me abdominal pain, they mess with my sleep. This can’t go on. I bought Nicorette chewing gum and I buy myself a treat each day that passes with no cigarettes, and I plan to do this everyday for a month. I’ll keep you guys posted about this.
     
  6. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    All right guys, this is it! Today is day 365 for me, it’s been a whole year since I started this reboot. I figured that achievement called for a little revamp... :D

    The fight is not over yet, but I feel I’m going in the good direction. I’m definitely not the man I was a year ago anymore. So here’s to the start of a new PMO-free year! Thank you to all the guys who give me support and advice, it’s making a huge difference in this journey. Have a good one guys :cool:
     
  7. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Congratulations, fantastic achievement!
     
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  8. Universal

    Universal New Member

    Well earned, Bilbo. Congrats
     
    Bilbo Swaggins likes this.
  9. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Active Member

    Bilbo Swaggins! Yes! Love it
     
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  10. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    Wanted to share a thought or two about sensitization and neural pathways. Fancy words that mean you’re turned on by porn...

    I’ve got my addiction under control, but I gotta say that even after a year, the thought of looking at porn is still extremely attractive. One year is quite a long period, but I feel it’s just a drop in the ocean of my life. Yeah, whenever I see naked women on TV (I’m watching The Sopranos right now, remember the Bada Bing?), my brain still says: yeah, this is THE shit. Fucked up, isn’t it?

    Moreover, I’m starting to feel that some morphing of tastes actually took place in my mind as well, through my years of porn use. My tastes never escalated, I never watched weird stuff, but the stuff I liked, I’d watch it again and again. As of today, in real life I still like oral sex much more than penetrative sex. That’s where I feel my tastes have morphed: I still prefer receiving pleasure over being dominant and taking a woman. That’s a problem, because oral sex is a bit of an individual thing. Also, it seems many women like to be taken. On my good days, I can give a woman what she wants, but when I do it, I feel I’m playing a role and that I’m ignoring my own preferences. Morphing of tastes can be a very subtle process... Weird shit.
     
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  11. Tatonno54

    Tatonno54 New Member

    Congratulations bro, 1 year is a great achievement indeed! Thank you for sharing your progress, it means a lot! Be consistent it's hard these days but knowing that we're not alone is so important. Wish you the best with the cigarette thing.
     
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  12. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    @Bilbo Swaggins wow a year. That's amazing man. You're a champion.
    I'm glad your tastes are finally changing. It's finally paying off.


    Sorry to hear about your girl's depression. You had to be there for her till she gets through this. She stayed by your side throughout the last year and it's your turn.

    I hope everything else is fine with your life.

    P.S I like the new name.
     
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  13. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    It’s getting clear to me that I need to do hard mode again. I’ve haven’t progressed enough to really notice a big difference between where I am today and where I was before to join this forum. My girlfriend knows that I want to do no arousal again, it won’t be a surprise for her. I will just try to handle this correctly, since she’s on a depression and it ain’t getting better for her. I just don’t want her to feel I don’t love her anymore, or that we’re not close anymore. But I’m ready for this.

    I also found 3 urology clinics specialized in sexual problems in my city. Those clinics offer different treatments: shockwave therapy, Priapus Shot (P-Shot), testosterone replacement therapy... As some members of this forum pointed out, it’s best to rule out other causes of ED. My urologist tells me all my hormone levels are fine, but I don’t know if he looks at all the hormones that need to be checked, and if his definition of being in range is accurate or not. As for the Doppler, I was in range, but there were some anomalies in my results (discrepancy between left and right veins). The urologist said those anomalies weren’t significant enough to worry about them. Maybe he’s right, maybe he’s not. I’ll get checked by someone else, and hopefully I’ll find a competent doctor who really wants to investigate properly. According to my urologist, the only thing I should do is seeing a sex therapist. All right, I will do it, no problem. But I still don’t think my urologist knows what he’s talking about. When I told him I never have morning wood, he said that some guys always wake up between two erections, and that I shouldn’t worry about that. Man, that sounds like a very mediocre explanation to me... Why the hell doesn’t he suggest that I do a penile plethysmography test? That might give us a hint or two.

    So yeah, according to this guy, the problem is in my head and I have to see a therapist. But the irony is that each time I’ve discussed my sex issues with a therapist, I’ve been told that I was normal. Two therapists told me that (in 2016 and in 2021), and apparently I have unrealistic expectations regarding sex, erections, libido... There might be some truth in that, but is this really the explanation being my 15 years of ED? I doubt it. But I still plan to see a sex therapist, I’m sure it will help me in many ways.

    Anyway, sorry about the bad mood, I’m done with the rant. I’m just pissed at the lack of support I get from professionals. I hope that going to a private clinic will be more helpful than seeing this urologist of mine.
     
    Last edited: Apr 14, 2021
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  14. Hey man, medical doctor here, in training to become a cardiologist. Just my two cents. Your problem I guess always was ED with low libido, not just ED itself. People that have ED which roots from just penile dysfunction do have normal sex drive usually, for example people with vascular problems. This is where Viagra acts and bypasses these vascular problems. This is where the P-shot or the shockwave therapy acts. I really don't think that you have a vascular problem to begin with, except for being diabetic or morbidly obese, these super expensive treatments will not really make a difference for you.

    The fact that we have low libido as well suggests that the cause is most propably something not just in your penis, but something that affects your body in a more systematic way. That can be hormones. Get checked by a competent endocrinologist, might be low T, might be low DHT (which is the active form of testosterone), might be high E2, high SHBG, high prolactin, hypo or hyperthyroism or literally everything. And if he finds any disturbance, he should act accordingly. But is is highly highly unlikely that in the age of 18 you had hypogonadism (low male hormones production).

    I firmly believe that your problem was always PIED along with low libido. You say that you have sex once a week. Do you always orgasm? It is possible that you are stuck in a mini flatline circle, which is perpetuated by constant orgasming. I think that it is of utmost importance that you space out your orgasms more. I rebooted successfully back in 2017, and only when I was 14 months in I found that I could orgasm more than once a month. Before, even one orgasm would send me back to flatline, with no libido and a tiny and unresponsive penis. Moreover, ED drus started to become effective at 18 months in! You said that viagra works well for you, why don't you have orgasmless sex with viagra? This medication numbs penis somehow, I found out I could delay O a lot when I took it.

    Don't know if what I've said makes sense, I don't practice English that often now
     
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  15. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear, you are having such difficulties with your recovery and saddened that your girlfriend suffers from depression. Hopefully, she'll be feeling better soon. I understand that another run of hard mode will be affecting her or your relationship in general. Perhaps, you could try to compensate in showing even more affection in a non-sexual way? On top of that, you could try to describe it to her on a meta-level and how important it could be for your recovery. That you abstaining from sex does not equal you not being keen on having sex with her - that it's quite the opposite in fact.

    I also want to sympathize with you wandering the maze of doctor's and their suggestions. As weird as it sounds, keep in mind that you are a bigger expert than most urologist and maybe even sex therapists in the small realm of PIED. I think, wecandothis made some really good suggestions. It's a tiresome journey but the key to the lock is out there somewhere.

    Sending some manly hugs your way ;)
     
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  16. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    Thanks man, your post really makes sense. I appreciate you taking the time to write this down.

    Yeah, I know that P-shot is probably not what I need, I already had a Doppler and there is no vascular issue with me. As you said, I need someone competent who will closely look at my hormones, and above all, I need to take it easy with sex and orgasms. And to be patient. That’s what I will do.

    I’ve read countless posts from guys who say that orgasms throw them back into flatline, so I’m well aware of that issue. But to be honest, I don’t feel I go in and out of flatline: it seems I always have a low libido (it’s not non-existent, it’s just low). Nonetheless, I will follow other guys advice and stop sex for a while, and then take it easy with orgasms. Meanwhile, I will take an appointment with a specialist, and I will try to find a good sex therapist as well. I’ve quit smoking 13 days ago, and I have drastically reduced my alcohol consumption (1-2 drinks a week nowadays). Things can only improve if I stick to this.
     
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  17. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    Thanks so much, Pete. Your words are always extremely comforting and full of insight. I’ve been lucky to have your support from the start, I’m very grateful for that.
     
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  18. Well from what I've read,flatline doesn't manifest in the same way for everybody. For some people, like me, flatline means that I have no or really low libido and unresponsive penis or really really bad erections that go away like the wind. It comes after orgasms and goes away with time. This phenomenon was the one that made me believe that I have PIED, because it was something described only in the whole YBOP - nofap universe, but nowhere in medical literature.

    On the other hand, for others, flatline feels like a permanent situation of low libido and mediocre erections. This might be the situation for you as well. I agree with what Pete stated above. Maybe you can set aside sex and engage in more ''innocent'' intimacy, like kissing, cuddling, spending time together etc for some time and have sex only when you really really feel the libido. In the long run it will be for better of your relationship.

    And I repeat, ED meds when used properly can be a great tool in recovery. The let you have some carefree sex, they delay ejaculation, they can give a confidence boost and ultimately help you rewire.

    You overall seem to be progressing in your life, even if your sex life isn't yet what you expected it to be. I think that only good things will from now. Good luck man.
     
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  19. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    Thanks a lot, wecandothisagain. Your input is really appreciated.
     
  20. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    I’ve decided to go back to hard mode. I had a talk with my girlfriend about this, and she was supportive, as usual. So here we go again. We agreed on 3 months.

    Last time I saw my therapist, I talked to him about my reboot and I realized something: ever since I discovered YBOP and started rebooting in April 2020, I haven’t had any peace of mind. Actually, trouble started 6 months earlier for me, in October 2019, when my girlfriend told me about her affair. But since April 2020, I’ve been thinking about my libido and my sex life ten times more than ever before. Any remark on the topic of sex (for instance, Tony Soprano mentioning that he lost his morning wood for a few weeks after he got shot by his uncle) is affecting me, and sometimes is haunting me for the day. Some of you guys seem to be in peace with your lives, despite still having ED, or can at least put on a happy face and go on with your lives. Sometimes you even write that you have had a nice day. I admire guys like that, because let me tell you, that’s not how I deal with this.

    Ever since I discovered YBOP, I’ve felt like I had a Sword of Damocles hanging over my head: will I heal someday? The best I can do is to avoid thinking about it. I took a 3-week break from the forum not too long ago, and it was somewhat beneficial. But whenever I manage to not think about my reboot for a few hours or a few days, it still comes back in full force, and I pick things up where I left them. I can’t escape this reality, and since there’s hope that I heal one day, I can’t just accept that I have ED either. Yeah, rebooting has been one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I hope I can find some peace of mind in the next months. I should be proud of myself for doing this, and optimistic about recovery, but that’s really not how I feel. Gotta work on that.
     

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