PIED update during reboot

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Bilbo Baggins, Aug 9, 2020.

  1. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    Funny how we’ve been through similar things. From what you wrote, it’s easy to tell you’ve had your dark days too. Depression... what a thing...

    Thanks for sharing that. The part about the house you live in, well, I know what you mean. Preserving your well-being, and staying away from what destroys you, are so important. You seem to be doing this very well, I’m glad for you. Keep it up, friend, you’ve come a long way. It’s always nice to read your words on recovery.

    Have a nice weekend too!
    Shady and Pete McVries like this.
  2. Doper

    Doper Well-Known Member

    Think of how few things in life are as powerful as what we are doing here. If only it were so simple (not easy) to get rid of so many seemingly insurmountable problems in life, as it is to rid yourself of ED, and at least help, with mental/emotional problems, just by doing something as basic as not watching porn. I've spent tens of thousands of hours trying to solve many different problems, which if solved, would just completely transform ones life. But almost all were for naught. I haven't been able to find solutions to most of those problems. But what we do here, is one of those lucky miracles.
    I'm glad word has spread all the way to the Shire-folk.
  3. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    I had sex with my girlfriend tonight, and unfortunately I went limp after penetrating her for a minute or two. It’s not the end of the world, but it sucks. I finished her with my hands, so I don’t think it was unpleasant for her. But she asked me: ‘Wasn’t it enjoyable for you?’, and I answered ‘Well, I’m not cured yet.’

    Still really not where I’d like to be. I’ve been functional most of the time lately, but it seems that things only go well if we have sex in a straight-forward manner. Whenever we try other things, I somehow ‘lose interest’ and my arousal goes down. Things could be worse, but I don’t like things like that to happen. It doesn’t happen when I take Viagra, but without it, it’s another story.

    I might need to stop having sex again for a few months. I didn’t really want to do that again, but it might be necessary. I’m not sure about it, though. Not the easiest thing to do when you’re in a relationship, but I will probably do it if things don’t improve. What I’d really like is to notice real improvements, or at least some variations. I honestly didn’t feel I went into flatline at any point in my reboot, and I didn’t have any moments of high sex drive either. Things have just improved slightly in the last ten months, in a very slow and gradual manner. No ups and downs, just the same old blunted feeling, even if it’s not as worse as before.

    I often read Axiomatic’s success story. It took him two years and a half before to feel definitely cured. That guy gave updates every year or so after positing his success story, it’s really nice to read the whole thread, because not a lot of guys do that after healing. I’m mentioning that because even though rebooting is different for everyone, it’s not unlikely that some guys need years to recover, and I might be one of them. Every time I feel pessimistic about my recovery (like tonight, obviously), I remind myself of this guy’s story. It’s a good reminder that you can’t really lose hope after just one year or two. It can take a while, and even though ten months is a pretty good streak, it’s not much compared to what other guys had to go through. So of course, the fight goes on. If I was just a little more optimistic, it would help, though. Because generally, I keep my head up after failing in the bedroom by thinking about it as less as possible, which is something I am able to do, but this way of dealing with it leaves me jaded and a little bitter. It’s better than feeling desperate, of course, but it’s not a really cool state of mind.

    All right, that’s it for tonight. Let’s see what tomorrow will bring.
    Shady and Pete McVries like this.
  4. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear about the recent incident. At the same time, I take all my virtual hats off to your perseverance and determination to fully heal. And to not let the addiction creep back in despite your journey being a bumpy road. I'm sure, many rebooters are looking up to you!

    I'm curious, were you sober when having sex? Or did you have a glass of wine or two before?
    Bilbo Baggins likes this.
  5. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your words, Pete. Of course, I won’t go back to porn, no matter what happens. I don’t want porn in my life anymore, the price is too high for a few minutes of fun.

    Yeah, I must have had a drink or two before having sex, but not more than that. I believe it was white wine. I suppose you think it can have a detrimental effect, am I right? It’s possible, who knows. I’ll try to see if alcohol has an impact on my sex drive in the next weeks, it’s not a bad idea. Maybe I should be sober more often when I have sex. I’ll give it a try, and see if I notice any difference.
    forlorn and Doper like this.
  6. Doper

    Doper Well-Known Member

    How do feel your girlfriend might respond to the idea of you going hard-mode again?

    As I never give advice on here, only empathy....looking at the lowest risk/highest reward options for helping the rewiring of dopaminergic receptors in a hypothetical situation similar to this, one might ponder dropping booze for a while. Grow some new receptors, as well as enjoy the likely more speedy brain healing that actually having reasonable sleep will allow.
    I'm not sure how long it's been since you've had a break, but if you have been drinking moderately every day for like, years, it might be an interesting experiment in and of itself to see what taking a few weeks (months would be better, but hey) off might do for one's overall mental/emotional environment.

    ...or just pop some cialis and call it a day.
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2021
    Bilbo Baggins likes this.
  7. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    Thanks Doper, it makes sense the way you put it. I see why Pete and you mention alcohol, and it’s true I’ve been drinking almost everyday for years. Obviously, even for guys who don’t have ED, it’s not exactly the healthiest thing to do. Yeah, I should try to stop drinking, at least for a few weeks. The good news is that I don’t feel really bad, I’m not discouraged or depressed, even when things don’t work that well in the bedroom. Things are changing, I’m not where I was a year ago. It’s probably time to push things a little further, and improve other areas in my life.

    As for going hard-mode, my girlfriend would probably understand, but at the same time, since I’m able to have sex most of the time, I guess she would think that I’m forcing things a little bit. As I said, I’ll do it if I fail too often at sex in the next weeks. Otherwise, I’ll just be patient, and enjoy the sex and I can have. That’s my plan for now.
  8. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Well-Known Member

    I asked because recently I had a few evenings with my partner where we drank a bit. And sometimes a bit more. Initially, I had avoided alcohol for a good one and a half years being into my reboot because of the detrimental effects it has on erections after a certain amount consumed. The result was that I could really feel the difference in erection quality especially when changing positions. The good thing is, that I do not panic (anymore), so it's not that much of a big deal and I am able to get erect again. Nevertheless, it showed me that I'm not invulnerable against it and that the negative effects of alcohol still do their magic despite having recovered from PIED. Moreover, sensitivity is affected.

    If you have a daily drinking habit, you might even have had more than a drink or two (practical pig says: namely three or more :D) and thus it could have contributed negatively to your erection quality. There is nothing you can lose conducting a little deductive experiment ;).
    Gil79 and Bilbo Baggins like this.
  9. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    Wow, thanks for sharing that, Pete. I sometimes wonder how recovered guys live their sex life, and I tend to idealize what it is to be ‘normal’. I’ll definitely try to reduce my alcohol consumption, not only as a test, but for my general well-being.
    Pete McVries likes this.
  10. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Hey Bilbo, congratulations on 300+ days, it's a really impressive feat! Keeping fingers crossed for your recovery.
    NewStart19 and Bilbo Baggins like this.
  11. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    Thanks, man, congratulations to you too, 90 days is very good. Keep it up.
    niskanen91 likes this.
  12. Universal

    Universal New Member

    Following. Looking forward to catching up. Taken a very quick glance.

    As I said in my PM. I recall before deleting my account last year you had seen basically zero progress and now you are seeing some, albeit slow. That's really great news.

    Have you listened to any of the old YBR radio show episodes with Fugu? I've been relistening lately. They're very good.
    Bilbo Baggins likes this.
  13. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    You’re right! I just have to be a little more patient with this. Sometimes I forget that it can take longer for some guys.

    I just realized that Charlie Marcotte was fugu, I didn’t make the connection before. His journey was very interesting, I’ll definitely listen to those radio shows. Thanks man.
    Universal likes this.

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