PIED update during reboot

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Bilbo Swaggins, Aug 9, 2020.

  1. Doper

    Doper Well-Known Member

    Think of how few things in life are as powerful as what we are doing here. If only it were so simple (not easy) to get rid of so many seemingly insurmountable problems in life, as it is to rid yourself of ED, and at least help, with mental/emotional problems, just by doing something as basic as not watching porn. I've spent tens of thousands of hours trying to solve many different problems, which if solved, would just completely transform ones life. But almost all were for naught. I haven't been able to find solutions to most of those problems. But what we do here, is one of those lucky miracles.
    I'm glad word has spread all the way to the Shire-folk.
  2. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    I had sex with my girlfriend tonight, and unfortunately I went limp after penetrating her for a minute or two. It’s not the end of the world, but it sucks. I finished her with my hands, so I don’t think it was unpleasant for her. But she asked me: ‘Wasn’t it enjoyable for you?’, and I answered ‘Well, I’m not cured yet.’

    Still really not where I’d like to be. I’ve been functional most of the time lately, but it seems that things only go well if we have sex in a straight-forward manner. Whenever we try other things, I somehow ‘lose interest’ and my arousal goes down. Things could be worse, but I don’t like things like that to happen. It doesn’t happen when I take Viagra, but without it, it’s another story.

    I might need to stop having sex again for a few months. I didn’t really want to do that again, but it might be necessary. I’m not sure about it, though. Not the easiest thing to do when you’re in a relationship, but I will probably do it if things don’t improve. What I’d really like is to notice real improvements, or at least some variations. I honestly didn’t feel I went into flatline at any point in my reboot, and I didn’t have any moments of high sex drive either. Things have just improved slightly in the last ten months, in a very slow and gradual manner. No ups and downs, just the same old blunted feeling, even if it’s not as worse as before.

    I often read Axiomatic’s success story. It took him two years and a half before to feel definitely cured. That guy gave updates every year or so after positing his success story, it’s really nice to read the whole thread, because not a lot of guys do that after healing. I’m mentioning that because even though rebooting is different for everyone, it’s not unlikely that some guys need years to recover, and I might be one of them. Every time I feel pessimistic about my recovery (like tonight, obviously), I remind myself of this guy’s story. It’s a good reminder that you can’t really lose hope after just one year or two. It can take a while, and even though ten months is a pretty good streak, it’s not much compared to what other guys had to go through. So of course, the fight goes on. If I was just a little more optimistic, it would help, though. Because generally, I keep my head up after failing in the bedroom by thinking about it as less as possible, which is something I am able to do, but this way of dealing with it leaves me jaded and a little bitter. It’s better than feeling desperate, of course, but it’s not a really cool state of mind.

    All right, that’s it for tonight. Let’s see what tomorrow will bring.
    Shady and Pete McVries like this.
  3. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear about the recent incident. At the same time, I take all my virtual hats off to your perseverance and determination to fully heal. And to not let the addiction creep back in despite your journey being a bumpy road. I'm sure, many rebooters are looking up to you!

    I'm curious, were you sober when having sex? Or did you have a glass of wine or two before?
    Bilbo Swaggins likes this.
  4. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your words, Pete. Of course, I won’t go back to porn, no matter what happens. I don’t want porn in my life anymore, the price is too high for a few minutes of fun.

    Yeah, I must have had a drink or two before having sex, but not more than that. I believe it was white wine. I suppose you think it can have a detrimental effect, am I right? It’s possible, who knows. I’ll try to see if alcohol has an impact on my sex drive in the next weeks, it’s not a bad idea. Maybe I should be sober more often when I have sex. I’ll give it a try, and see if I notice any difference.
    forlorn and Doper like this.
  5. Doper

    Doper Well-Known Member

    How do feel your girlfriend might respond to the idea of you going hard-mode again?

    As I never give advice on here, only empathy....looking at the lowest risk/highest reward options for helping the rewiring of dopaminergic receptors in a hypothetical situation similar to this, one might ponder dropping booze for a while. Grow some new receptors, as well as enjoy the likely more speedy brain healing that actually having reasonable sleep will allow.
    I'm not sure how long it's been since you've had a break, but if you have been drinking moderately every day for like, years, it might be an interesting experiment in and of itself to see what taking a few weeks (months would be better, but hey) off might do for one's overall mental/emotional environment.

    ...or just pop some cialis and call it a day.
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2021
    Bilbo Swaggins likes this.
  6. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    Thanks Doper, it makes sense the way you put it. I see why Pete and you mention alcohol, and it’s true I’ve been drinking almost everyday for years. Obviously, even for guys who don’t have ED, it’s not exactly the healthiest thing to do. Yeah, I should try to stop drinking, at least for a few weeks. The good news is that I don’t feel really bad, I’m not discouraged or depressed, even when things don’t work that well in the bedroom. Things are changing, I’m not where I was a year ago. It’s probably time to push things a little further, and improve other areas in my life.

    As for going hard-mode, my girlfriend would probably understand, but at the same time, since I’m able to have sex most of the time, I guess she would think that I’m forcing things a little bit. As I said, I’ll do it if I fail too often at sex in the next weeks. Otherwise, I’ll just be patient, and enjoy the sex and I can have. That’s my plan for now.
  7. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Well-Known Member

    I asked because recently I had a few evenings with my partner where we drank a bit. And sometimes a bit more. Initially, I had avoided alcohol for a good one and a half years being into my reboot because of the detrimental effects it has on erections after a certain amount consumed. The result was that I could really feel the difference in erection quality especially when changing positions. The good thing is, that I do not panic (anymore), so it's not that much of a big deal and I am able to get erect again. Nevertheless, it showed me that I'm not invulnerable against it and that the negative effects of alcohol still do their magic despite having recovered from PIED. Moreover, sensitivity is affected.

    If you have a daily drinking habit, you might even have had more than a drink or two (practical pig says: namely three or more :D) and thus it could have contributed negatively to your erection quality. There is nothing you can lose conducting a little deductive experiment ;).
    Gil79 and Bilbo Swaggins like this.
  8. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    Wow, thanks for sharing that, Pete. I sometimes wonder how recovered guys live their sex life, and I tend to idealize what it is to be ‘normal’. I’ll definitely try to reduce my alcohol consumption, not only as a test, but for my general well-being.
    Pete McVries likes this.
  9. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Hey Bilbo, congratulations on 300+ days, it's a really impressive feat! Keeping fingers crossed for your recovery.
    NewStart19 and Bilbo Swaggins like this.
  10. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    Thanks, man, congratulations to you too, 90 days is very good. Keep it up.
    niskanen91 likes this.
  11. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Following. Looking forward to catching up. Taken a very quick glance.

    As I said in my PM. I recall before deleting my account last year you had seen basically zero progress and now you are seeing some, albeit slow. That's really great news.

    Have you listened to any of the old YBR radio show episodes with Fugu? I've been relistening lately. They're very good.
    Bilbo Swaggins likes this.
  12. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    You’re right! I just have to be a little more patient with this. Sometimes I forget that it can take longer for some guys.

    I just realized that Charlie Marcotte was fugu, I didn’t make the connection before. His journey was very interesting, I’ll definitely listen to those radio shows. Thanks man.
    Shady and Deleted User like this.
  13. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    Wanted to drop by and mention that I’ve managed to reduce my alcohol consumption a lot in the last weeks. I’ve bought a pack of alcohol free beers, and I actually like it. It’s much easier that way, especially for someone who’s had a habit of having a drink or two almost everyday. The taste is very similar, and there’s no sugar in it, so it’s not too bad for health. I think I’m on my 4th day in a row without alcohol, and that hasn’t happened for at least 7 years. I already feel a little better in terms of energy and mood, it’s crazy how alcohol can suck up your energy... So I wanted to thank Pete and Doper for the suggestion. It’s basic stuff, I know, nobody should drink everyday and we all know it. But sometimes, hearing it from someone else is just what we need.

    As a side note, I had sex this weekend while being sober, and I didn’t notice a difference. I was functional, but my erection wasn’t great and still not very reliable. So I don’t think that my usual level of consumption (2-3 drinks) has a really noticeable immediate effect on my libido. Nonetheless, I’m pretty sure that in the long term, there will be an effect. And just for the other benefits of being sober, I plan to continue what I’m doing, and to allow myself to drink alcohol once or twice a week, like a normal person. On the other days, well for now I will stick to non alcohol beers, I like it, it gives you the illusion that you’re having a beer. Maybe, as time goes by, I will reduce that too, but hey, one thing at the time.

    Getting closer to one year. I got an idea that might make some of you smile, but of course I won’t tell you what it is now. Gotta bring some humor and excitement on this forum, man! April 4th is the date, stay tuned :eek::cool:
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2021
  14. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    Good job on cutting back alcohol. You are improving in every way possible.

    Yeah delayed results are the worst.

    Yaaay you're the champion getting close to a year. You can do this.

    Humor and excitement. Now you're talking.
    Bilbo Swaggins likes this.
  15. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Well-Known Member

    I'm happy to read that reducing your alcohol intake had such a positive effect for you! Very cool of you to actually try it out, I mean, you started changing a habit of yours, that is easier said than done as we all know :D

    One year clean... I won't congratulate prematurely but that will be a huge accomplishment (not that 331 clean days aren't...)!

    You are great member of the board, very friendly, helpful and supportive and many people are benefiting from your presence here. Thank you and I'm intrigued to see what will happen on 4th of April :)
    Bilbo Swaggins likes this.
  16. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Member

    Sorry if you’ve already answered this, I’m skimming through several journals. Since you have a girlfriend that knows about your problem, why not attempt sex, but hold off on orgasm, multiple times a day, every day, so your brain becomes reconditioned to it the way it became conditioned to porn? I mean just train yourself to enjoy the sensation.
    Bilbo Swaggins likes this.
  17. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the suggestion, but it’s really unrealistic. I mean, I could have sex and stay away from orgasm, that’s not a big deal. But I can’t have sex everyday with my girlfriend, it wouldn’t be reasonable to ask her to do that. We usually have sex once or twice a week, that seems pretty normal for two people who have been together for 9 years. When we have sex, it’s because we both feel like it. To transform our sex life into a training doesn’t sound like a good idea to me, it would be like forcing things.

    As a side note, I don’t really understand why, on this forum, we often read that we should go back to sex gradually after a period of abstinence. We should have sex once a month, then once every two weeks, then once a week... That doesn’t make sense to me. There are two people in a relationship, and it can’t be all up to one of these two persons to decide how much sex there will be. Also, desire for sex is not just a button you push: sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn’t. What makes sense, to me, is to gradually increase the frequency of orgasm, because that doesn’t really affect the other person. Have an orgasm once a month, then once every two weeks, then once a week. I also think that a certain period without sex is fine, I did it for 100 days and my girlfriend would be ready to do it again if I asked her to. But apart from that, all the scenarios about the frequency of sex don’t really make sense to me.

    But thanks for the suggestion, man. I appreciate you dropping by.
    Shady likes this.
  18. dark red drifter vessel

    dark red drifter vessel Well-Known Member

    Might be one of these "ideally you should do X and since your life =/= ideal you'll never do X" kinda deals. I wouldn't pay too much attention to it, bc yes, that would be some very unilaterally scheduling of the unschedule-able.
    Bilbo Swaggins likes this.
  19. Doper

    Doper Well-Known Member

    What?....Your woman gets a say in this?....
    What kind of feminazi dictatorship are you livin' in man?

    ....Jesus Christ. :D
    Bilbo Swaggins likes this.
  20. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    Hey friends,

    I’m back after a short break from the forum. Many guys recommend to take a break from the forum once in a while, so I took one. I felt that it was somewhat beneficial, even if it doesn’t change much to the bigger picture. Somehow, rebooting and sex issues were a little less on my mind. For some guys, like me, rebooting can take a long time, so it’s probably best to incorporate the reboot in our lives in a healthy way. From now on, I’ll try to come on the forum once a day, or every two days, instead of coming here all the time, and continuously having these matters on the forefront of my mind. I took some time to go through your journals, it’s good to see that things are going well for some of you. What we’re trying to do here isn’t easy, that’s certain.

    There’s nothing new with PIED. Sex with ED pills is still ten times better than sex without pills. These days, my girlfriend and I have sex only once a week. I had a wet dream last week, which surprised me, because I hadn’t had any since I started having sex again. Other than that, no noticeable changes.

    Apart from that... I recorded some of my songs in a studio. I plan to release my first album in a few months, I’m pretty enthusiastic about this. I try to not have too many unrealistic expectations, but I have to admit that deep inside, I still dream about being a rock star. Kinda childish, but it motivates me a lot. I’ve been working on that project on a daily basis since last summer, not only the music, but also the marketing part. I don’t consider myself healthy and happy yet, but at least I’m working consistently on something. So far, the response is positive, people like my songs and I’m pretty good with social media, which is very important these days.

    And finally, my girlfriend is in a depression right now. A pretty bad one. She had to stop working 6 weeks ago because of that (her doctor gave her a 3-month leave), but she isn’t any better yet. She’s usually a very strong woman, but now she’s broken, vulnerable... I’ve never seen her like that. She’ll get back on her feet, I’m sure about it. It’s a hard moment to go through, but I personally can’t complain, I’m way better than I was a year ago. I just wish I could be more helpful to her. Sometimes I tend to forget she’s in a depression. When she does or says something I don’t agree with, I should learn to shut up a little bit, because it ain’t the time to argue with her, or to be moody. Easier said than done.

    That’s about it. I wanted to thank Pete and Doper for their kind suggestions regarding my alcohol consumption, it gave me the impulse I needed to get a grip on it. I’ve only had 4-5 drinks in the last month, and I wouldn’t have believed you if you told me I was about to stop drinking a month ago. Non alcoholic beers are very helpful in that process, I have one or two most days after work, it almost tastes the same. And I’ve started drinking decaf coffee too, a thing I should have started doing long ago... If you have sleep issues, don’t drink more than one or two coffees a day, guys...

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