First of all, I want to thank you to share your story and congratulate you because I think it is a very if not the most important puzzle piece of your ongoing recovery. I can relate a lot to what you wrote. When I was 19 years old, I had a girlfriend who, to make it worse, cheated on me with one of my best friends from back then. It went for one month until another friend who got wind of it told me of it. The fact that your girl cheats on you is cruel on its own. But if you throw (PI)ED in the mix, you got a disaster of epic proportions. Because you start to blame yourself and your ED (which basically points back at you and your inability to "man up"). And this is like death sentence. The ultimate feeling of being impotent. Welcome to the suck... From a pragmatic perspective, the problem you are facing is also twofold. On the one hand, you are facing PIED which you are actively recovering from while on the other hand the pressure to perform is immense. For everyone recovering from any kind of ED, the performance anxiety will be present and strong but in your case, the way you describe it, it's like someone is pointing a gun at your face while shouting at you to get an erection or the trigger will be pulled. I once read that it would be helpful if people moved away from the idea that men are boner dispensers who are willing to fuck any thing or being who identifies as a woman the very second the situation presents itself to them. Because that's what media and the world wants everybody to believe. You see it everywhere. How many times do you see people on the forums ask very specific questions that are completely unrealistic. "How long does your refractory period last?", "How many times can you have sex per night?", "How long can you last?" as if there was some kind of a machine made of cogwheels operating in your brain and penis. You are very well aware that all these things are highly subject to fluctuations. But the way you describe your relationship, it seems to me as if your main function in it is to please your partner's needs before anything else, ideally in a reliable manner. And if not the danger of being replaced by 'a real man' is dangling above your head. But what about yourself? What are your needs? And are your needs as important as hers and are you being taken serious? As far as I can see, I get the impression that you are triviliazing what you need in a relationship and you are putting her needs before you because your partner is demanding and she needs 'real good sex' with a 'real man'. The sitution is very tricky and emotionally charged. I think, you guys can sort it out. But you must be aware that it will take patience, commitment and most of all mutual good will from both parties in order to work on a solution. Most likely, there is no quick fix or shortcut. Is your partner aware of how much her affair is afflicting you?