PIED update during reboot

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Bilbo Baggins, Aug 9, 2020.

  1. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    Hi,

    I am starting a journal on my reboot. I have been free from P and M for a little over 4 months, and recently realized the importance of avoiding orgasms. I have a girlfriend, but I want to go hard mode for a while. Been 8 days since last orgasm, and I am well determined to go a few months without orgasms.

    So far I have seen minor improvements regarding PIED. I am 32 and had PIED ever since I started having sex when I was 16. I have had morning wood a few days in the last months, which is something I did not have for at least 15 years. I was also able to have sex a few times without Viagra (been using it for a 3-4 years) and I am sometimes able to feel aroused when kissing and cuddling with my girlfriend. That’s about it for now.

    I don’t plan to update this everyday, because I am not starting this journal to talk about my moods and thoughts. I just want to give updates regarding my reboot and especially PIED.

    Good luck to you all.
     
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2020
  2. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    I am trying to find a way to write in this journal without just saying that I feel bad all the time and that there is no progress and all those things we hear all the time.

    Not so easy to do. I can just think of two things that are worth being shared.

    First, I have been rebooting for 5 months and I have had no urges to watch porn ever since. It’s not exactly an interesting fact in itself, but it’s kinda different from what I read here most of the time. I sure won’t complain about that. When I discovered YBOP and the recovery forums, my thirst for porn just vanished, and I am not sure I understand why it’s not the case for everyone here. Don’t get me wrong: I am an addict too, I get addicted to a lot of shit in life. I know what it is to deal with addiction. But something clicked in my brain 5 months ago when I stumbled upon YBOP. Just wished that happened years ago...

    The second thing I wanted to share is about the downside of the recovery forums (semen retention shit and superpowers and stuff like that). 3 years ago, I was searching through the web about porn addiction and ED (has not heard of PIED at that time). I remember going on a website (must have been Nofap) and reading posts from some guys that apparently had the same problem I had but were just writing about semen retention, being pissed out about having wet dreams and wanting to have no O’s for the rest of their lives. Of course, I just ran away from that website without digging deeper, thinking to myself that the forum I had fell upon was for crazy men. 3 months ago I found Reboot Nation and YBR, where we can find interesting things and cool people that were sharing intelligent stuff about sexual health. At least I finally found it. But if there was less crap on Nofap, maybe some good people would find it easier to surf through it and find important content that would help them improve their lives - which is what these forums are actually bringing when we take the time to dig deeper.

    Anyway, I am 5 months in and I have been going hard mode for the last month, which I’ll continue for whatever time it takes to see improvements. In the mean time, I read a lot of posts in here that provide great information, and I am grateful for that.

    Have a good one, fellas.
     
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2021
    Deleted User and Pete McVries like this.
  3. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Well-Known Member

    Hi Bilbo,

    since you're about the same age as me and have/had problems with PIED, do you have a rough plan you want to follow? Have you tried having sex with your gf and if so how was it? The reason I am asking is that I sometimes get the impression that some people reboot indefinitely without taking "rewiring" action because they fear so much of failing in the bedroom and then eventually relapse because they felt, they were getting nowhere.
     
  4. Doper

    Doper Well-Known Member

    I think one of the best journals on here is @nuclpow 's, because he is always posting little goals and the ways he is trying to move forward. But it can be anything you want....wanna talk about old seinfeld episodes...do that...
    But if a person feels bad I think this is a great place to get it off their chest. I think this forum is an incredible place for men (and women) to be able to talk about things they wouldn't with their family or IRL friends. That's the best thing about it, IMO, bar none.
     
    nuclpow likes this.
  5. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your messages, guys. I enjoy reading both of you, so I am glad you took time to write here.

    Pete, well I don’t exactly have a plan. It seems there are two trends in rebooting: one focuses on rewiring, and the other one (which seems to be more recent) is more about avoiding orgasms and even arousal for a period of time to give a break to our brains. I am trying to do both at the same time: that is, for now, having regular sex (roughly once a week) but avoiding orgasms and extreme stimulation. I honestly am not afraid of relapsing right now, so even if things don’t improve in the next weeks or months, I don’t see myself going back to porn in the near future. I am not saying I killed the addiction - hell, I’d love to hack off to porn all day long, if it didn’t ruin my life. But I really have no urges. Ever since I discovered YBOP, I see porn like something almost lethal (at least to me). I like alcohol and I smoke, but I don’t think I’ll ever try heroin of meth, cuz I feel these drugs could cause me a lot of harm. Well I see porn like this, now. That might not be the best way to explain this, but I just can’t see myself going back to porn, now that I know what my porn consumption caused in my life. Also, reading a lot of success stories (like yours) put me on the good track, and I take my reboot very seriously. I will try this for a while and try to gauge my improvements, and adjust my approach when I notice changes in my libido. Of course, your comments and advice are more than welcome on this.

    Regarding my actual sex life, well it’s not exactly awful. I can have sex and keep my erections, but they go away pretty quickly without stimulation. I almost never get morning wood, and I don’t feel any kind of libido in my daily life, unless I am in bed with my GF and I know we are about to have sex. And even then, it’s not really strong. So this is just the beginning for me, I believe. That’s why I want to do hard mode for a while. I have sex about once a week, so I think I am also taking care of the rewiring part (or at least some aspects of it).

    Doper. You’re right, of course. But I’d say a part of rebooting is about leaving self-pity behind us. A lot of us (including me) are very good in feeding feelings of despair that don’t get us nowhere. I think it’s important for us to learn to stay strong in our daily lives. Of course, we can write whatever we want in a journal. But I don’t think that writing about how life is hard and how shitty we feel is the best way to deal with things. I don’t think it’s helping us getting it off our chest. I could be wrong, of course. ...Anyway, if you have a recommendation of a Seinfeld episode, let me know. If it’s funny, I’m in.
     
  6. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    Things have improved during the last weeks. The most important change I have noticed is about my moods and emotions. Like many of you, I am a guy who usually feels like shit all the time. It’s been like this for a few years. I am not the kind of guy who worries so much about the little things: I just usually am unable to enjoy life that much, and feel like a wreck most of the time. For about 4 weeks now, I have been feeling okay most of the time. I sleep better, and don’t feel desperate about everything. I also started feeling that it’s actually possible for me to have a decent life. This is pretty new to me, and I am grateful for that. I think these improvements might result from me going hard mode (haven’t O’ed since August 1st). There might be other things that helped, but I still feel it’s all due to my reboot. Also, feeling that my PIED is slowly getting better has a beneficial effect on me. I have been able to enjoy sex without using Viagra, or with a lower dose of Viagra, like never before in my life. As I said: things are getting better, but very slowly. I am starting to feel happy about the improvements I made so far. That’s 5 months and a half into my reboot without any relapse to P or M.

    So, for guys who are in a relationship right now, I can only recommend going hard mode (avoiding orgasms, and not getting too close to it). My GF and I still have a sex life, and it’s actually fun for her, since we usually stop when she orgasms, and not the other way around. And I don’t feel frustrated at all about not having a release. For regular guys, it would be frustrating, of course. But for me, who has been dealing with PIED and a weak libido for 15 years, it’s not frustrating. So I plan to stick with this approach for now. No wet dreams for now, and I still don’t get morning wood often, but it’s getting better. Very slowly.
     
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2021
  7. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Sounds really good! I'm glad you're making such good progress.
     
  8. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    Thanks man. I hope you are well too.
     
  9. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    180 days. Yeah. And I have kept away from O for the last 60 days as well.

    It’s not time to celebrate yet, because I am not healed from PIED (yet). But it’s still worth being mentioned here, it’s good to bring some positivity on the forum. It seems things are SLOWLY getting better. Keeping my head up, and hoping as fuck to heal one day.

    Be well, friends.
     
    Tatonno54, Shady and Pete McVries like this.
  10. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    Did a quick search for "Porn induced erectile dysfunction" on Google tonight. Pretty amazed from the results I got. The first result that shows up mainly states that it doesn't really exist, and quotes Nicole Prause. Happily, there are also other pages in which you can read a different point of view.
    I then looked for "Erectile dysfunction". Those results were even more stunning: porn consumption is never mentioned in the causes of ED. Writers and journalists always write about the same old things (depression, medication...). I also searched for "Nocturnal erections". I read a lot of crap there too:

    "Erectile dysfunction may be related to a physiological or psychological process, and a lack of an erection upon awakening may help to differentiate between these causes. [...] Men with a psychological cause for erectile dysfunction will still have morning erections since they are physically capable of having them."

    Clearly, PIED is not recognized enough as a medical condition. So for now, I would sound like a weird conspiracist if I talked about it out there. It's kinda funny. I'm not really the kind of guy who thinks that the Earth is flat or that the Covid was created by our governments to control the world. Well... I guess I just shouldn't waste time on Google searching about PIED.

    Good night, folks.
     
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2020
    Pete McVries and Guts like this.
  11. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    Another night where I fail to fall asleep. How the hell did I lose the ability to fall asleep? Getting used to it now, so it doesn’t freak me out anymore. But man... I used to fall asleep easily, I never had to use sleeping pills when I was younger. My life was not better than today, but I would actually FALL ASLEEP when going to bed. Oh well... Maybe it’s PAWS (does it really happen with behavioral addictions, like porn? I hope so.). Maybe I am just older and a little more fucked up than I was before. It’s not the end of the world, I can’t complain, things could be worse. I just hope those pills won’t affect my libido too much... It’s better than taking SSRI, that’s for sure.

    Happily I can still come on YBR at this time of the night, and somehow find comfort. I have found some pretty interesting things to read here, just when I needed it. I even had some good laughs, some of you guys can be funny when you give it a shot. I’m definitely happy that a place like YBR exists. Poor place... Everybody keeps saying they have to stay away from this forum at some point, it’s a place no one likes to frequent too often. But here we are again, somehow trying to fix ourselves, and to feel like we are not alone. I’m glad there’s a place like this one. (Though I really hate reading about those long time rebooters who never seem to heal, it’s scaring the shit out of me.). Apart from that, yeah, YBR is a cool forum, I’d even recommend it to other people if that did not make me look like some impotent weirdo. Anyway, cheers to YBR. I deeply hope that some of you actually heal someday and live the life you want to live. And I hope it happens to me to. In the meantime, coming here is always providing me some relief, or something to occupy my mind with when I am in certain states where I don’t feel like doing regular stuff, like reading or playing guitar. Thanks @Universal, @DoneAtLast, @Guts, @Doper and @Pete McVries for sharing stuff here, it’s really helping me to go through the days and the nights. Good night, fellas.
     
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2020
  12. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Well-Known Member

    Regarding the sleep, are you physically active enough? If I excercise late, it's very hard for me to fall asleep but if I have excercised of have been physically active throughout the day, it's much easier for me to fall asleep at night. Moreover, are you held awake by ruminating thoughts or "just" the absence of feeling sleepy? What pills are you taking? I'm asking because sleeping pills are often addictive or in case of Melantonin should be taken with care because it's a hormone that should be produced naturally by your body. If you take it regularly, your body might decrease its own production. What about your sleep hygiene? And do you use displays until late without using a red light filter like f.lux?

    Moreover, I can only confirm the happiness that this place exists because it keeps me accountable and I really enjoy the exchange with other users. It's not that crowded but it stays overseeable that way. And I'm always happy when new users like you coem to this place who ask interesting questions and provide useful informations themselves (might sound a bit weird, I would be even happier if you wouldn't face your erection problems in the first place ;))!

    In the other thread you wrote that you have limited sex and orgasms. May I ask what your orgasm frequency was before? Also, did you initiate sex feeling the desire to have sex or did you sort of force it?
     
  13. Doper

    Doper Well-Known Member

    On top of all the good advice Pete gave, I can only give my anecdotal evidence that being rebooted will help sleep. I don't like when people puke out that all kinds of obviously unrelated problems have been solved by rebooting. It is one of the reasons people believe this is all bullshit. But I've cured myself and went back to porn several times, and can see a pattern in some things. Symptoms that seem to be unrelated but I've noticed are bags under my eyes, and not being able to sleep, which seem to both go away after a period of abstinence. But to me it makes sense, because if you believe porn is a drug that can have significant effects on neurotransmitters, like I do, then those symptoms and the depression, anxiety and general strung out feeling you get after an edging marathon is over aren't unreasonable. I can't sleep either. But back when I was in a real bad way, but was super rebooted, I was sleeping 12-14 hours every day, I had no problem laying down and falling asleep fast. And I had way more negative ruminations going through my head, I would have been happy to eat a bullet. But after I've really fucked it all up, I can lay there for hours, and other than all this, life is a million times better than it was when I could sleep easy.

    I've always though the smoking gun that PIED is real, that is easily verifiable, are the nocturnal and morning erections. Watch porn, they go away. Abstain, they come back. Physical (in the brain) problem. Easily testable stuff.
    I'd love some scientists to to a study on me, they'd swear that morning and nocturnal erections had nothing to do with porn use. I'd bet them every nickel I have that they do, and within a few months, I'd be on a beach somewhere with a cold beer and a fresh $5 bill in my pocket.
     
    Pete McVries, Guts and Bilbo Baggins like this.
  14. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your input, Pete. You’re good with the emotional component of rebooting, you always come back to this with great insight. I’m sure you are a good teacher.

    I am a bit embarrassed about sharing this, but I will do it anyway. My girlfriend has a lot of responsibilities at work, as she has many serious health problems, so she is not in the mood for sex on a daily basis. Also, because of PIED and my lack of experience, our sex life was not as good as what she had in the past with other men. So we usually have sex once a week, sometimes twice, but it’s always (unhappily) in the same periods: when we have a drink after work on Thursday or Friday night, or in the weekend. It’s actually not as bad as I write it, we sometimes have unexpected sex, but it’s true that most of the time, there’s a recurring pattern. Another problem is that I have been using Viagra often in the last years. So here’s how it goes: we are having a drink, or we’re at home on a day off, and I feel like it could be a good timing to have sex, so I take a Viagra. Happily, I have reduced the dosage to 50mg the last times we had sex, and it worked very well. I also had sex with her 2-3 times without taking Viagra, and it went well. But on a daily basis, I can hardly say that I go for sex when I have a genuine desire to do so. Hard to tell. I am happy when I see she is feeling good and might be in the mood for sex, and I feel some sort of arousal in those moments (especially with the help of Viagra), but that doesn’t sound right to me. So for the next months, I plan to use Viagra less often, and to try to let natural arousal guide my conduct.

    As for orgasms, well I used to have one every time we would have sex. Since August 1st, I haven’t O’ed, but we still have sex around once a week. She has been really sick recently, so we haven’t had sex for three weeks, which I think is good for me.

    And for the sleeping pills, I use Zopiclone (also called Imovane). They are not good for me, but at least I use the minimal dosage, and of course not everyday. I run and do exercise 4-5 times a week, usually in the morning or in the afternoon. I eat pretty well. But I smoke 20 cigarettes and have 2-4 drinks everyday, which I know is not the best thing for me. I try not to smoke in the evening, to help my sleep, but I still have days where I can’t fall asleep. I am not in peace with a few things in my life, and they haunt me right when I go to bed. It’s up to me to deal with those things, that’s why I am not complaining about this situation. But I have to let go of the past and learn to feel good about myself. Still hard to do for now. That’s why I can’t sleep some nights. It’s not that I think about many things, or that my head is spinning: it’s my heart, it starts beating fast and I feel some sort of anguish that won’t go away, and of course keeps me really AWAKE. So I leave the bed, grab a beer and pop a Zopiclone, and I usually put on some Chopin and come here on YBR to read some posts for half an hour, then I am good to go. I am not proud about this, it’s not exactly healthy. But that’s how it is for now. I am working on improving all this, though, but it’s not easy. Much harder than dealing with urges to watch P, anyway, at least for me.
     
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2020
  15. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    She's tired. Be considerate.
    She's a good person. She likes you.
    Anyone else could've left because of the PIED, but she didn't because she cares. So don't push it.
    I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong. I'm just saying relationships are give and take.

    Regarding viagra. Don't do this to yourself. You're too young to be using it. Don't use it.

    Heart beating fast? That's anxiety. Just let it pass.

    Hang in there
     
  16. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    Well that’s pretty square and straightforward, but I guess you’re right. I’ll meditate on that. Take care.
     
    Thelongwayhome27 and Shady like this.
  17. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    My own 2 cents is also to stay away from Viagra as much as you can. It's more of an intuitive idea, similar to how Shady phrased it. I admit I never had huge issues with PIED (I had some problems with DE). But I also haven't had the chance of trying sex for quite a while so I may be in for a surprise. But in the end I still think that Viagra should not be taken (at your young age) or if taken it must be done with extreme prudence. It's kind of my approach to when I take Clonazepam. Sometimes I really need to take some. But I'll take half a pill and I'll log it. I need to take it as little as possible. Otherwise it will make things worst in the long run. I'll build tolerance to it. I'll pop it more often (habit). And when I won't take it I'll feel even more messed up.

    Anyhow, I never talked to you so far but I read parts of your journal and other posts of yours on here and I really like your input. I'm glad you joined up and I think you are a valuable addition here ! So, a little late on my part, but welcome !
     
    Pete McVries and Bilbo Baggins like this.
  18. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    Thanks, man. Really appreciate your input. What you wrote makes a lot of sense to me. Of course, the next step for me is to stop using Viagra and letting arousal strike in naturally. I will do it. What I like about Viagra is that when you use it, you are not ‘’vulnerable’’, you will be hard no matter what happens in the bedroom. But it’s getting clear to me that this is just an easy way out, it makes you skip steps that are probably very important in the whole process of having sex and incorporating a healthy libido into your life. Guys with PIED have to learn to ‘’embark’’ into sex, to surf on arousal, to go with the flow. That’s clearly what I have to do, anyway. Thanks again, I hope you are well.
     
  19. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    Well... This reboot thing definitely ain’t easy. Really wondering if I can really ‘’heal’’ from ED someday. Might be more simple to just forget about sex once and for all and put my energy into something else. Of course, I won’t do that. Just writing this because I had a bad evening.

    Tried having sex without Viagra, and I was not a bit aroused. And no erection, of course. I haven’t had an O since August 1st, that’s 2 months and a half. WTF... I don’t even remember when was the last time this happened. I have used Viagra almost each time I had sex in the last years, so this feeling of not being there at all during sex, I had not felt it for a while. But tonight was somehow worse than before my reboot. I was completely off.
    Of course, with all I have read here and on YBOP, I know that’s it’s normal. They call it flatline. I guess I am just not there yet. So I keep my head up. I am in a much better place emotionally than I was a few months ago. And I know that all the shitty things in my life don’t come only from PIED. But still, I was expecting better things at this point of my reboot. That’s 6 months and a half no P, no M, and no O for 2 months and a half. I will just keep rebooting, of course. I don’t even have urges to watch porn, so this aspect of rebooting is not the one that I find the most difficult.
    Life goes on. But what an awful feeling to have a gorgeous woman naked in front of you, who is aroused and to the point of orgasm, and to feel nothing. Ouch... This will take more time. Might have to do some changes: from now on, no Viagra. It sucks, but it seems it has to be done. No sex, unless I feel the desire to have some (whatever that can mean to a guy like me). Also, getting used to ED for now won’t hurt. You go to bed, it doesn’t work, even if your girlfriend is in the mood... Well, get over it and move on. But no matter what, I stick to no PMO, that’s not even hard to do for now.
    That’s about it for tonight. Glad to be able to write this here, it somehow consoles me to be in touch with some of you. I have received good advices and support, which is priceless. Let’s just keep going on in this journey, and all I can say to conclude is that I hope AS FUCK there is a chance I can heal one day.
     
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2020
    Pete McVries likes this.
  20. Doper

    Doper Well-Known Member

    You're exactly where you want to be. If i go a few weeks of perfect no arousal, I will have a very hard time getting it up to the grimiest of porno's. I'll have to wack it a few times over a few days to get it working again. That's how it works, it's a good thing. I honestly don't even think a person is healing until they get into that ED flatline zone, at least 10-14 days in. I figure when I'm there, in the flatline zone, if I relapse, I'm not just wasting a day, I'm wasting all that time it takes to get back into that flatline. I wouldn't worry about it, if you are you can always go see a doctor. I don't like that YBOP rule where if your dick works for porn but not ladies you have PIED. When I get deep in the shit my dick stops working for porn as well. You'll get better. I don't need hope, I've done this several times. PIED is real just like the sky is blue.
     
    Pete McVries and Bilbo Baggins like this.

Share This Page