Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by Uncertain, Apr 26, 2020.
Yes everything will be fine one day
Today was one of the best days in a long time. I just want to make everything alright this time around. The struggle that I'm doing since 3rd March 2019 is coming to an end, finally. No, I'm not being over confident or something like that. I am having this feeling that something is different this time around. Although, I still have long way to go but I don't really think it's going to be difficult. I don't know whether I'm having this feeling because I had a good day, or because I have started working out daily. Anyways, whatever it is, I really need this more often. All the support that I'm getting here encouraging me for real. All those likes, and responses are kind of making me feel like I'm not alone. I just want to say that if anybody is having a bad day, know that everything is temporary. I am getting out of a rabbit whole that I have fallen in last couple of weeks. It was like a nightmare that was not stopping. Finally everything has started rolling on the right direction.
Everything was good today. But in the evening one of my friend called me. So I was hanging out with him, and then he suggested me to do cannabis. Holy shit! At that moment I couldn't say no, like I was kind of in a mental negotiation whether I should accept this or not. My fucking brain could not come up with the memories of my relapses that happened after being high millions of times.
Fortunately, neither he nor I took the suggestion seriously, and just spent the evening walking down the street and eating something. Today, I have learned a huge lesson. I have to tell them politely that I don't want to do these things now without giving any second thought to this type of proposal.
In last six days I didn’t watch porn or masturbate, didn’t take a single puff of cigarettes and didn’t do any other drugs. If I spend today like this it will be a completely PMO and drug free week.
And to be honest no force in the whole universe can make me do any of those things today.
Alright! First one week without Porn, Masturbation, Cigarettes and drugs!
One clean week. Feeling really good mentally and physically both.
Now I am going to attack my Phone/Internet usage.
I am using a journal since day one. I believe it's really helpful to get your thoughts down on a paper and read it to remind yourself what you need to do and why. Mind is always filled with millions of thoughts and worries. Our perception kind of becomes inaccurate when we just try to solve problems in our head by arguing with our thoughts! A journal or a note book is really great to keep things in perspective and simple.
So, I got a solid start and to be honest I am in control now. But at the same time I am fully alert! Being alert is very important thing that I have learned from my previous relapses. Just by simply being alert or careful we can improve our chances to avoid silly mistakes and lessen our our sufferings.
Feeling really good.
“If you accomplish something good with hard work, the labor passes quickly, but the good endures; if you do something shameful in pursuit of pleasure, the pleasure passes quickly, but the shame endures”
– Musonius Rufus
A message to my anxious brain.
The whole world is going through a kind of depression because of this Corona virus thing. I don't know if it's Corona virus killing people or people are just dying as they used to die because of flu/illness/old age/organ failure/drug abuse/accident/infection etc. The whole Corona virus thing looks so suspicious. I'm really skeptical about it. At the same time I realize the fact that I have no control over what is going on. All I can do is work on myself and do things that I have control over. The thing is we are emotional animals who have great intellectual capabilities. No matter how intelligent we are, and how intellectually we are aware of what we should do, it's mostly emotion that drive us to do something. Now, when you have no work and spending all your time forcing yourself to resist yourself from avoiding temporary pleasures that are harmful in long-term you end up being very anxious sometimes. So, I would say if you are avoiding PMO and drugs and doing exercises regularly and spending some time reading you are doing probably ok. Don't beat yourself up, just enjoy the time being in this world. It's time to start avoiding self improvement stuff and just figure things out on your own. Stop listening to people who don't do what they say. They probably say things to make money by selling or promoting their stuff.
It's a wonderful Life. I'm feeling really alive today. Almost zero anxiety and zero brain fog. Still working to reduce my phone usage though. I have downloaded an awesome Android app which helps you lock your phone and only lets you use the apps that you have selected in the whitelist. Once you lock the app there is absolutely no way to bypass it. You have to wait for the set time to be over. I believe it's better to eliminate the temptation rather than fighting it.
In case you are wondering about the app here is the link http://goo.gl/hxfHAr .
9 days ago I was in a completely different mental state. Everything is looking good now. I need to stay very vigilant because of my friends. They are kind of anxious and irritated all the time. They don't care about what I tell them about their porn and drug use. It's safe for me to maintain a healthy distance from them in this first few months. One relapse can really mess me up real bad.
Today was nice day as well. Feeling a little low but that's okay. So, 10 days under my belt. No PMO + No Cigarettes. It's huge relief! I still have long way to go. I would stop counting days and will stop reminding myself that I used to be a PMO addict or Cigarettes Addict by constantly writing and talking about it. I have OCD problem. It's my strong tendency to make everything certain and accurate. Anyways, everything is getting better day by day. I will not let this good start go in vain.
In the evening I hangout with one of my friends. Him and I used to get High on Marijuana and get drunk many times in the past. In spite of him knowing that I was trying to stay away from all drugs he suggested to do cannabis. I didn't agree. But to be very honest it was very difficult for me to say No. And I was contemplating whether to get high or not with him all the time he was with me this evening. Fortunately, I didn't slip and avoided a huge mistake.
Now, that I can see that some friends of mine are not respecting my decision and rather than becoming a support they are becoming a risk, I will avoid them. They will not be able to hang out with me. I won't just let that happen. It's a lot better to spend time alone than doing drugs and talking shit in the influence of the drugs all evening.
I fucking hate this type of meaningless shit. Not anymore.
Today, I have completed 11 Fucking long Days without a Single puff of Cigarette and without Porn or Masturbation. Not to mention I didn't touch any other drugs such as Alcohol And Cannabis. Today was a bad day.
Or today was a good day, since you avoided relapsing across the board.
I was at my friend's place last night we were doing a house party.. got drunk smoked some cigarettes (only smoke when I drink) there was a girl we were dancing and cuddling throughout.. then at night when everyone fell asleep we decided to get into a room and started kissing and all.. but my dick wasn't ready didn't work. wasn't hard enough so I ended up masturbating after almost 50+ days of No PMO. But didn't watch porn and did it with a real person so I guess it shouldn't be that harmful.. although now I'm back on track abstaining again. Hope I recover soon✌️
This is okay (in my view), because that's part of the rewiring there: doing sexual things with a real person.
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