Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by Uncertain, Apr 26, 2020.

  1. Uncertain

    Uncertain Member

    I am 27. When I was 13 I got addicted to PMO. As a result I developed severe PIED. I would never get an erection without stimulating my penis with my hand while watching porn. In order to maintain an erection I had to constantly stimulate my penis. If I stop stimulating my erection will fade away really quickly. I tried to have sex many times , I failed miserably, 0 arousal and 100% Dead dick. Although, Dick pill worked, it gave me an erection in the first round but I was like a dumb machine without any real arousal , in the second round I would manage to have an erection because of the pill but I would suffer from delayed ejaculation and dick would get soft. It was a huge frustration rather than an enjoyable sexual experience.

    In the beginning of 2019, I discovered YBOP, Gary Wilson, Gabe Deem and Nofap/Porn addiction recovery forums.
    I was blown away. My eyes were opened to the reality.

    I started my recovery journey seriously since 3rd March 2019. So, far I have recovered a lot. In last 13-14 months, my porn consumption reduced by 90% and Masturbation reduced by 70%.

    I'm not addicted to porn anymore. I don't have any urges or triggers to watch porn now. But I have never been able to go more than 51 days without masturbation.

    My PIED, is not fully cured because of lack of Rewiring. Although, I can achieve rock solid erection just from stimulating my penis without any fantasy or porn. Morning wood occurs 3-5 times a week with 70-100% erection. But as soon as I stand up the erection goes away within 2 minutes. My withdrawal phase is over. In the beginning when I was trying to stay away from PMO I was going through terrible mood swings, anger, irritation Complete apathy , numbness, hopelessness and extreme anxiety and OCD. It was a living hell for me. Fortunately, I'm in control now. Anxiety is still present but it's very manageable.

    My last PMO relapse was on 14th April 2020.

    I am creating this journal to make myself accountable and document everything related to my PIED recovery.
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2020
  2. Uncertain

    Uncertain Member

    Day 13.

    It's 2:19 in the morning. Going to bed for a good night sleep.
  3. Uncertain

    Uncertain Member

    Day 14

    Uninstalled a game I was playing a lot.
    I need to use my free time for some learning as well. But I feel lazy . Phone usage has sky rocketed as I am home alone all the time because of lockdown. Everything else is going great. Mood is stable , anxiety is very less.
  4. Uncertain

    Uncertain Member

    Day 16.

    Just woke up from a good night sleep. Now I'm taking a shit and typing this. Mood is getting better day by day. I have started doing kegel exercise after reading a lot benefits about it.
  5. Battlesword1

    Battlesword1 Active Member

    Hey dude, keep up the good work. I think you've had a good past to keep in mind as you go through this round of reboot/rewire.

    I also learned a new word from your posting: anhedonia

    I find this to be an interesting concept. Depression runs in my family, and while I know I'm not depressed having seen it in others around me enough, I see its tied to dopamine, and I think its a core thing a lot of people go through while dealing with the PIED issues in general. Thanks!
    Uncertain likes this.
  6. Uncertain

    Uncertain Member

    Thank you Battlesword1 . I have made a lot of mistakes when I first started my Reboot/Rewiring/PMO addiction Recovery. I will definitely keep them in my mind to get rid of all my sexual dysfunctions such as PIED, BJ fetish etc.

    I am recovering from a severe PIED. Like I would never get an erection by just looking at porn . I had to stimulate my penis while watching some nasty stuff to give myself an erection . In order to maintain that erection I needed constant manual stimulation (death grip) + changing videos after videos.

    After 13 Months Recovery (95% of less Pron use and 75% of less masturbation.)
    1. I'm able to Achieve and Maintain an erection just by gentle stimulation without zero fantasy or visual stimulation .
    2. I get morning erection almost 4-5 times a week, 60-100% strength. But the erection fades away as soon as I stand up.
    3. I have no urges to watch porn .
    4. I feel way better than what I used to feel when I was a PMO addict.
    I have read many posts on several forums that people who suffer PIED need a long time to fully recover. Some people continue to notice improvements upto 3-5 years after the day they quit PMO.
    I mean a decade of addiction related dysfunctions can not be fixed in just 3-6 months. It takes at least 2 years of solid recovery to heal.

    I'm constantly learning about this from my experience and other's experience. I am intending to make this journal a recovery guide for people who suffered a lot without knowing what was wrong with them.
    Last edited: May 3, 2020
    Matt2020 and Mickeymouse like this.
  7. Uncertain

    Uncertain Member

    Day 18

    No YouTube for next 30 Days. This is a challenge and I am going to achieve this.
    So, I will not open YouTube before June.
    I am taking this decision because I cannot find interest in things like reading or writing something because YouTube is more stimulating than reading or writing.

    Long ago I stopped using Facebook and I never installed Instagram.

    Recently I stopped using Reddit.
    Now it's time for YouTube.

    I believe this decision that I am taking right now is going to be very beneficial for my recovery and overall brain health.
    I know that it's going to be very difficult for next couple of weeks but I can handle it ,I have to. there is no other way.
    Last edited: May 1, 2020
  8. Babyplatypus

    Babyplatypus New Member

    So ur pied is nearly cured after 13 months of no porn?
  9. Uncertain

    Uncertain Member

    My PIED IS NOT YET CURED. I need to rewire to cure it.
    I'm recovering from a severe PIED CASE. SO, WITHOUT CONSISTENT REWIRING MY PIED WILL NOT BE CURED. I will keep updating about my situation once I start Rewiring. Thank you. In last 13 months I relapsed to porn on several occasions.
  10. Battlesword1

    Battlesword1 Active Member

    This is where I was trending: I was def death griping (two handed by the point I called it quits) and had to have multiple tabs open to work through in a session.
    I'm hoping I caught it early enough. I haven't tried to do anything other than just avoiding stimulation, porn, and fantasy right now. Not ready to enter the rewire part of the recovery yet with a woman, though I am looking forward to it when it does get going.

    But after 13 months of recovery you seem in a much better place than before and that's good progress. Despite relapses, you've shown remarkable progress.
  11. Uncertain

    Uncertain Member

    Thank you. I never binged relapse. And the thing is my porn relapses were very few. I had a no porn streak for 120 days with less than 10 masturbations. The only time I relapsed to porn when I was drunk or high on cannabis. And I always stopped myself after 1-3 orgasms and started a new streak. I believe if I could manage to go this last 13 months without a single PMO and MO relapse I would been a lot more recovered .

    Anyways , there is no benefits in thinking what I could have done in the past. The fact is I was a PMO addict and I was going through some nasty withdrawal and I was dealing with something that was very hard to understand for me.
  12. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Well-Known Member

    All the very best your doing a great job. I just saw an erotic game advt that came while I was playing an android game. Has an urge so came here at the forum to make myself distracted.
    Matt2020 likes this.
  13. Uncertain

    Uncertain Member

    Thank you and good job on distracting yourself. I'm at state now nothing triggers me. I watch movies and TV series and erotic scenes do not do anything to me anymore. I kind of feel asexual. I believe when I will start Rewiring consistently this asexual-ness will fade away.
    Last edited: May 2, 2020
  14. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Well-Known Member

    Is it asexual that you wanted to write in there?
  15. Uncertain

    Uncertain Member

    Oh Yes. I corrected it. Thank you.
  16. Uncertain

    Uncertain Member

    Day 19

    I was Masturbating in the bathroom, sitting on the floor, I was about to orgasm then I woke up from my sleep and realised that I was dreaming. What a relief!

    After that I went to the bathroom , took a shit and brushed my teeth. After coming out of the bathroom, did yoga and 15 minutes meditation.

    Now I'm feeling really good. I have started kegel exercise (PC muscle exercise). Let's see what happens after 3 months of consistent PC muscle exercise and nofap.
  17. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Well-Known Member

    What does pc muscle excercise helps with?
  18. Uncertain

    Uncertain Member

    I have learned from internet that kegel exercise strength your PC muscle (which you use when you want to hold a urine stream or gas ).
    When this muscle gets stronger( after 1-3 months of consistent exercise) you can have easier, stronger erection and you will be able to last longer and your erection will not fade away quickly. It also helps with urine dropping issue after you left the toilet.
    Mickeymouse likes this.
  19. Uncertain

    Uncertain Member

    Day 20.

    Life is absolutely boring. For last 40 days I'm in a hose arrest (because of lock down). I'm waiting for the day when everything will be normal again. I know one year from today my life will be completely different. Ahhh!
  20. Uncertain

    Uncertain Member

    Day 22

    I have learned about myself a lot in last 13-14 Months, Since when I came across YBOP, and forums such as this.
    The longer I go without Porn and Masturbation the more I realize how fucked up I was.
    Anyways, I don't want to remind myself of my past mistakes, rather I'm trying to focus on what can be really done about my situation in order to improve it from now on.

    In last two years, I have successfully quitted everything except Internet.
    I don't use Facebook or any other social Media. But I spend hours and hours browsing internet. Most of the time I spend reading some stuff on the internet and watching videos on YouTube and web/TV series and movies. This has to change now. I always wanted to meditate and spend time reading books, but I find myself procrastinating all the time. Even if I try to read it becomes really difficult for me to concentrate. I believe this is because reading and just sitting still is way less stimulating than watching YouTube videos or web series. And some how my attention is rewired to wonder or jump from stuff to stuff more than normal. This has happened because of dopamine down regulation as well. So, in conclusion dopamine down regulation + rewired Brain is responsible for my procrastination and fucked up attention span.

    The only solution to fix this problem is to avoid internet and Entertainment related stuff as much as possible. Internet is useful. And I have to use it for useful purposes only. There is no other way to fix this problem.

    To summarize,
    • I will only use internet/entertainment stuff for 2 hours per day on an average . That's my goal for next two weeks.
    • After the lock down is over I will try my best to reduce it to 1 hour a day.
    • I will spend my time by reading books, meditation and exercise should be my priority. And of course I can spend my time by just sitting and looking around doing nothing.
    • Taking a walk or writing something is also a nice way to spend my time.
    I know that, tommorow when I will wake up my mind will play tricks on me and my brain will come up with many excuses to use the internet. I may find myself going through withdrawal such as low mood , boredom, negative thinking etc.

    But I have to remind myself again and again that this withdrawal is temporary. I have to remind myself that the withdrawal I had went through after quitting Nicotine, Cannabis and PMO was way more intense and long lasting than the withdrawal of Internet addiction.
    The boredom and emptyness will pass and eventually , if I stick to my plan reading and learning will become fun again. Focus, concentration and motivation for low stimulus thing will come back. I have to do it. I can't ignore and leave it on my future self anymore.

    After 3 Weeks of Nofap.
    I start my internet addiction recovery.

    No PMO DAY 22
    No Internet abuse Day 1
    Last edited: May 5, 2020
    Mickeymouse likes this.

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