PIED still 115 days in? More than PIED?

Discussion in 'Erectile Dysfunction / Delayed Ejaculation' started by gooby, Sep 4, 2021.

  1. gooby

    gooby New Member

    Well. I fucked up. That erotic texting with the woman sent me into a severe flatline today. I am depressed and back to being a full blown loser, worse than I have been in months. Just maybe an hour of texting back and forth had me feeling literally high, the dopamine rush was like nothing I've felt in a long time, since quitting this poisonous habit. I then had hints of libido all night with frequent erections. I was leaking dopamine and now I am suffering the consequences. I feel lifeless, like a pathetic failure with no future. All from a few texts. I don't get it. If this is literally all from PMO harming my brain, this stuff legitimately ruined my life. I really wonder if I need to quit my job and throw out all of my electronics at this rate. I'd rather be dead than continue feeling like this, so if I have to give up my profession and everything then so be it. I wonder if some of us with severe addiction should be completely disconnecting from modern technology, even for things unrelated to porn, to avoid the temptations of this crap.

    Over 200 days in, and a few texts turn me into a depressed loser with no future. Remarkable. Just shows you how serious this is.
     
  2. gooby

    gooby New Member

    Still on course. Morning wood has been stiff until the last 2 days. Even the slightest hint of erotic talking, or borderline nude images of hot girls seems to be sending me into dopamine rushing states and 95% of the time I have no morning wood that night. NONE. Remarkable. That is how severe my addiction is. From now on, I am considering any sort of naughty texting/messaging to be a relapse.

    I want to apologize to Gary(RIP) for straying, even minimally. Not because I see him as some sort of god to be worshipped, rather, the fact that you dedicated your life to this cause and helped me discover my problems, and then to even for a second slip up. I feel disgusted. I will not relapse, this is the year I turn my fucking life around and become a force to be reckoned with. Not some fucking beta sitting in his room watching hardcore porn with a limp dick. I know I'll be right back there if I slip up and even go back to this crap in any way shape or form.

    Starting cold showers tomorrow. I'm doing whatever it takes to get my health back and life a happy, prosperous life. If it can possibly help, I'm open to trying.
     
  3. BlackNeggz

    BlackNeggz New Member

    Look. Just a question I read a couple of your posts not all of them but I got a question.

    Do you practice any exercise?
    Lifting weights helped me out immensely and I think you are going too hard on yourself. Your psych will not work proper if you constantly bash any "slip" you face.
     
  4. shattered

    shattered Member

    @BoughtWithBlood This post really helped me articulate things to myself that I was starting to suspect. One key thing I learned in my journey is ANY pressure to perform kills it. The only success I've had is if I truly didn't care if I "performed" or not. Easier said than done, but I think you're pointing out some things a lot of men don't emphasize such as the importance of flirting and the overall buzz. Good post, I'm going to meditate on this today.
     
  5. 3520

    3520 New Member

    100% agreed. @gooby , perhaps you could benefit from doing some reading on the 'Abstinence Violation Effect'. From the Google search I did just now it seems that the definition has been muddied a bit by random clinics, but in essence the AVE describes how strong negative reactions to abstinence lapses can contribute to further decline.

    You need to be kind to yourself.

    A better search may be: "abstinence violation effect pornography". I'd also recommend first performing your searches with Google scholar. If you find an article you'd like to read but are unable to access it then try searching for that journal article in with libgen (large online info repository).

    From the looks of it it seems like you've been learning a lot as you progress on your path. Godspeed.
     
  6. gooby

    gooby New Member

    Hi guys. Thanks for the replies. Yes, I am hard on myself. I have a tendency to get into really toxic, depressed moods and self deprecate. It's a really toxic behavior I struggle with.

    I relapsed a few weeks ago. I felt like shit. I ended up jerking off three times over a period of two weeks, the first with a glance at porn, the second two without. Felt like absolute shit every time. I couldn't take it any more. I had zero libido, and my whole life felt like an utter failure. My OCD was out of control, I just had nothing to lose, at least I thought.

    I have been strictly avoiding all PMO and triggers since.

    My libido is fucking ZERO. Asexual. Tonight I met a beautiful 37 year old woman who was interested and asked me for my number randomly in a restaurant. I feel so pathetic because I am in the worst flatline I have ever heard of. I also am having wet dreams regularly.. the last two nights I blew huge loads in my sleep with full blown orgasms. They are wiping me out and ruining any semblance of libido that I have. I don't know how I could have zero libido intraday yet rock hard wood and wet dreams regularly. It is nonsensical.

    Now I am in a situation where I met this bombshell of a woman. I have no idea if I'd be able to perform, even with ED meds. I feel hopelessly depressed like I am just stuck in an endless cycle of doom here with no way out. I tried an antidepressant recently, selegiline, and I noticed way more morning wood. But it overall made me feel worse. I am just at a loss. I don't understand how I can have such little libido. It's almost like there has to be major medical conditions going on here, this cannot simply be porn related, can it? I am starting to doubt the whole thing. I feel totally asexual with a lifeless, shriveled up dick most of the time. I may need to see more doctors, though they never found anything remarkable.

    I feel so lost at this stage of my life, I am getting sick of having to pass up any female opportunities because I am such a fucking beta loser. Men with 100ng/dl testosterone have more libido than I do. It's scary. I've tried all sorts of supplements and herbs and nothing seems to make a significant dent. Maybe I need to talk to a doctor about getting wellbutrin prescribed. I don't know. If anyone has ideas, please share them. I have no feelings, and a completely lifeless dick. I am apathetic and don't enjoy anything. I can't tell if this is PMO related or I have some severe underlying cause and PMO is just a small issue. I really don't know. I need help.

    Edit: Just wanted to say that the only time I have a libido is if I smoke a bunch of marijuana. I know it increases dopamine and also relaxes me, so I am not sure which of those is the cause for this but it does tend to create a tremendous libido boost.
     
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2022
  7. 3520

    3520 New Member

    Hey, @gooby .

    After reading that you're experiencing wet dreams and sustained erections during sleep I'm wondering if it would be worth exploring a different avenue -- psychological treatment, rather than pharmaceutical. Though everything psychological is simultaneously biological and vice versa, your previous approaches may have been failing because they were attempting to treat things independent of a larger underlying psychosomatic pathology.

    You likely already know this very well, but your mind has tremendous power to influence your bodily functions. Let's zoom in on what you've written in your last post: "I have no idea if I'd be able to perform, even with ED meds. I feel hopelessly depressed like I am just stuck in an endless cycle of doom here with no way out."; the level of anxiety you're expressing here seems tremendous, even crippling to some extent. Despite what some people believe, achieving and maintaining an erection isn't just some simple formula like see boob -> dick hard. Few of us, if any, can perform sexually while our heads are filled with anxious thoughts and doubts.

    I suggest that you consider doing some reading about the impact of your mind on sexual performance and if you'd want to go a step further, look into finding a clinical psychologist you could meet with to discuss what you're going through. If cost is an issue then you'll likely have to go the autopsychotherapy route; though from seeing the level of introspection in your posts, it seems like you're up to the task.
     
    gooby likes this.
  8. gooby

    gooby New Member

    Coming up on 11 months. The last 4 days I've had wet dreams every single night, and yesterday I had the hardest morning wood I've had. I have some slight feeling of a libido during the day lately, but nothing major. For the first time in years I was able to get an erection at the thought of fucking a woman. I recently started icing my balls and taking boron supplements and experimenting with horny goat weed. It seems they helped some. All I know is I haven't known that feeling of a libido and the last few days I've had it when I woke up, then it fades out and only seems to come back after a deep sleep. My morning wood has been good and I am having full blown wet dreams on a nightly basis. I wish I could stop them, and i'm not even fantasizing, they're just happening. Soon I will find a woman to start having sex with if I feel I'm ready and I'll have ED meds as backup so I don't have to worry about getting hard the whole time due to PIED.
     
  9. gooby

    gooby New Member

    Coming up on 11 months. The last 4 days I've had wet dreams every single night, and yesterday I had the hardest morning wood I've had in years. I have some slight feeling of a libido during the day lately, but nothing major. For the first time in years I was able to get an erection at the thought of fucking a woman in the morning. I looked at a pic of a woman and got hard instantly.

    To reaffirm this is all a dopamine problem for me, I tried an antidepressant called bupropion a few weeks ago. I only lasted 2 days before the side effects made me stop. But I had an extremely high libido the second day on it, and I felt aroused for the first time in forever. This drug acts on dopamine and norepinephrin.

    I recently started icing my balls and taking boron supplements and experimenting with horny goat weed. It seems they helped some. All I know is I haven't known that feeling of a libido and the last few days I've had it when I woke up, then it fades out and only seems to come back after a deep sleep. My morning wood has been good and I am having full blown wet dreams on a nightly basis. I wish I could stop them, and i'm not even fantasizing, they're just happening. Soon I will find a woman to start having sex with if I feel I'm ready and I'll have ED meds as backup so I don't have to worry about getting hard the whole time due to PIED.

    I consider this significant progress after a decade of not 1% arousal to anything other than hardcore porn. I plan on continuing with my reboot and hopefully progress continues. Got my blood work back yesterday too, all is normal as expected.
     
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  10. gooby

    gooby New Member

    Hi guys. How would you suggest I meet women to rewire with? I have only one close friend here, and he is married. I have cold approached in the past and been successful, so that is an option. I feel that I grew up on the internet with such severe gaming/porn addiction that my social skills in person are underdeveloped so maybe it's a good thing for me to force myself out there. Just talking to random women and escalating?

    I am decent looking and tall. Given my history of porn addiction with specifically talking to women online as a part of the addiction, I think online dating is something I simply cannot engage in if I want to continue recovering.
     
  11. gooby

    gooby New Member

    One year into my reboot. I am back to having a dead dick. I have been severely depressed recently. A friend killed himself and my mother was recently in the ICU. A lot of stress and my libido is nonexistent. I think at this point I need to see more doctors and try and address the depression. I was around a very hot woman last night and had utterly zero sexual desire or feelings. I even took a cialis, it did nothing. Then I came home and slept and woke up rock hard two hours later with morning wood.. but that faded and I have zero sex drive. ZERO.

    Any help would be appreciated. I either have the worst case of PIED or something chemically is very wrong with me. I've tried every libido enhancer almost in the world. Nothing has sustainable effects. I wonder if my issues sleeping through the night and waking up rested could be related. I will consider a sleep study. It seems the only time I could legitimately get aroused since my reboot was when I was on a date at the beach and in the ocean kissing the girl I was dating.

    Has anyone else suffering from depression had these issues?
     
  12. Oscar40

    Oscar40 New Member


    The point is that you are talking here about other types of problems that have nothing to do with seeing or having seen pornography in the past.

    Yes, it is very helpful for you to seek professional help. His problems have nothing to do with watching porn precisely.

    Like me, you seem to have underlying issues, and the underlying issues have nothing to do with porn. Even these underlying problems will continue if we do not work on them from other areas, even if we stop watching porn forever.

    You will be better in the future. Good luck
     
    gooby likes this.

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