PIED: My personal Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by sihe_200, Oct 24, 2019.

  1. sihe_200

    sihe_200 New Member

    I am currently 28 years old. I started masturbating at around when I was 15 years old. Then I discovered porn at about that time. I never had sex until I tried to have sex with my girlfriend early this year. I discovered I couldn't get an erection. I had heard of PIED before now and I suspected that would be the case.

    A few weeks ago I called a hooker and tried to have sex with her(I didn't want to disappoint my girlfriend with another limp dick performance). I was able to get an erection (about 70%), but then after a few seconds inside her, my dick would go limp. That was when I realized I need to fix up my life.

    I am currently on my fourth day on monk mode and I want to go through a full reboot. I have been watching everything I need to watch and read up on rebooting. I want to journal my experiences here from time to time.

    Summary of my present conditions:
    - I don't have morning wood
    - I currently get hard when video calling my girlfriend. I think it is my messed up brain objectifying the images on the phone during the call. So I want to limit video calling, while I'm rebooting.

    My main goals are to cure my PIED, and get consistent morning wood and hopefully have awesome sex with my girlfriend. I'll be journaling my progress here.
     
  2. Joshua Shea

    Joshua Shea Active Member

    A couple questions, if you don't mind:
    Do you think your brain sees your video chats with your girlfriend as pornography?
    The morning wood thing can also be a function of age. What makes you sure it's connected to this?
    Do you think if you had pornography playing in the same room when you were trying to have sex with your girlfriend, you would be able to get hard?
    Thanks, just curious, and good luck.
     
  3. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Active Member

    @sihe_200

    Just popping in to send some goodwill your way.

    As an aside, I'm not sure that having morning wood is a necessary indicator for improved erection quality, so you may not want to apply that criterion to yourself. I have heard about other rebooters who didn't really have morning wood even though their ED was recovering. Same for nocturnal emissions. Of course if you do have morning wood, that's a good sign.

    Take care and best of luck.
     
  4. sihe_200

    sihe_200 New Member

    Thanks, @NewStart19 I'll take that into account. I really appreciate your goodwill post, a lot.

    Day 5. Monk Mode
    Today is my 5th day on this streak. I have noticed that for the past few days, I have been able to make decisions a bit more clearly and consciously. Especially decisions that have to do with self-discipline.
    For instance a few nights ago, it was really late, say around 11 pm, and I felt hungry and wanted to make myself a bowl of cereal. Normally, I would just follow the craving and eat what I wanted, but I was able to resist that since it was too late for me to eat based on my health goals.

    I noticed I've been able to easily decide to limit my phone use, work out for a bit and just generally choose the better option in a good/bad scenario. I believe NoFap has helped with this a lot. I also believe that the more I make these decisions the more I build my will power.

    Yesterday, though, I had a bout of heart burn and couldn't sleep at night. I was stressed and tired and I finally fell asleep around 4 am. I had a wet dream (a hillariously wierd one ). I've noticed I tend to have wet dreams when I'm extremely tired.

    So far so good, my moods are still elevated, and I am eager to keep going. My major benefit/improvement so far is improved willpower and decision making.
     
    NewStart19 likes this.
  5. sihe_200

    sihe_200 New Member

    Yes, I think my brain does. I am trying to limit screen stimuli as much as I can. I feel the morning wood is connected in a way, mostly due to excessive masturbation.

    I actually tried this with the hooker I mentioned above, still nothing. That convinced me that it was time to change my ways.
     
  6. Joshua Shea

    Joshua Shea Active Member

    @sihe_200 Do you think this is part of a larger addiction issue or just a temporary corner you've backed yourself into? I'll be watching your progress with great interest. Good luck.
     
  7. sihe_200

    sihe_200 New Member

    I had encountered some stressful situations today. I kinda feel an urge to go to something that will give me a quick high, viz. MO, but I'm self aware that this is happening and I will instead use that energy to get some small wins in other areas of my life (and subsequently get some high from that).

    @Joshua Shea just follow this thread. I am also on a journey. Are you on a NoFap journey yourself?
     
  8. Joshua Shea

    Joshua Shea Active Member

    @sihe_200 No, I'm not. I've been over 5 years sober. I believe addiction is a symptom of a larger problem that must be addressed for long-term success and NoFap doesn't treat the addiction that way.
     
  9. sihe_200

    sihe_200 New Member

    What was the "larger problem" you had to address to sort out your addiction? I'd like to know.
     
  10. Joshua Shea

    Joshua Shea Active Member

    @sihe_200 Trauma that happened as a child, and more to the point, how I reacted to that trauma and what that meant to my life as a whole, not just with the addictions. 94% of porn and sex addicts have some kind of trauma, usually sexual, mental or physical abuse. I don't think that's just a coincidence. Once I understood how that trauma not only contributed to my addictions, porn and alcohol, but how that trauma affected my decision making through life, it was easier to tackle the addictions. I believe dealing with only the addiction doesn't take care of the real problem, even if you have chunks of time that you're "successful". I stopped going to 12-step groups because I was sick of being around dry drunks and guys just white-knuckling it through their addiction by denying themselves. Denying yourself is not recovery...developing the tools to instinctually make correct decisions while getting to a point your mind doesn't want the addiction...is recovery to me. Hope that answered your question.
     
    sihe_200 likes this.
  11. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Active Member

    @sihe_200
    Not sure if this is a recurring experience for you, but I have GI problems, so I do occasionally get some bad esophageal pain when lying in bed. I found it important to take advantage of these experiences--as they don't happen all the time--to reinforce responses that are decoupled from addictive behaviors or substances. For this addiction, that would mean porn, porn subs, fantasizing or masturbating.

    I think you can apply this to emotional distress as well. The more we respond with an addictive behavior or substance when experiencing unexpected and intense discomfort, the more we reinforce those pathways in the brain. This is different than normal, everyday life where we have each and every day to reprogram. So it's great to jump on these opportunities when they do occur, because they can derail us later on in the recovery process when we think we are doing better after the initial period of difficult urges and withdrawal.

    Or at least that has been my experience so far. Just wanted to share that with you. You can definitely beat this addiction before entering your 30s, which is something I wish I did.

    Wishing you all the best.

    Take care
     
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2019
    sihe_200 likes this.
  12. Guts

    Guts Member

    [​IMG]
     
    sihe_200 and Joshua Shea like this.
  13. sihe_200

    sihe_200 New Member

    I know right
     
    Guts likes this.
  14. Joshua Shea

    Joshua Shea Active Member

    A few weeks ago, I took my wife out to eat because I didn't want to subject her to my cooking. My asparagus gets all limp and my matzo ball soup turns blue.
     
  15. sihe_200

    sihe_200 New Member

    It's been a while I updated my journey to recovery.

    Day 17. Monk mode
    The past few days have been great so far. I have been on the lookout for the famous "flatline", just so I am not caught unawares. I have noticed a great deal of improvement in myself so far. I am more confident as a person, I am more assertive of my own opinions. I used to be a "yes person" and always tried to be "politically correct" in order to avoid clashing with people. Now, I can respectfully state my own opinions. It is really awesome. I think the key thing for me so far has been the fact that I am more self-aware nowadays.

    I will be the first to admit that it is not just the abstinence that brings about these benefits, but the fact that I am challenging myself to attain a worthy goal. That in itself is enough to spark manly confidence. I can easily strike up conversations with anybody, especially the opposite sex without being/feeling awkward about it. I am liking this. I try to go on Reddit every once in a while to look up successes of other sojourners and get motivated to keep doing what I am doing. I mostly see this as a long term life change and not just a challenge. I try to keep myself conscious of potential pitfalls and avoid movies with sex scenes or even music videos too.

    So far I have not experienced the flatline yet. I wake up some mornings with a boner that is not as firm as I would like, but then the goal is progress, not perfection. I have also noticed that I sleep a lot better (not necessarily longer, but better). I am able to track this with a fitness tracker and I have been getting deep sleep of about 2 hours on average compared to <1 hour of deep sleep I used to have prior to now.
     
  16. Joshua Shea

    Joshua Shea Active Member

    @sihe_200 Don't buy into the flatline and you'll be fine. This whole thing is a placebo effect anyway. It will work as well as you tell yourself it will, so keep the thinking positive and let it carry to other aspects of your life. If this is what will help you stand up for yourself, go all the way with it. Self awareness is an important trait to have if you're going to succeed in life.
     
    sihe_200 likes this.
  17. sihe_200

    sihe_200 New Member

    Thanks @Joshua Shea, I agree self-awareness goes hand in hand with will power. I mean, you need to be self-aware in order to know what to exert your will power on, right.

    Day 19. Monk mode

    I had a wet dream last night. I'm still keeping focused.
     
  18. sihe_200

    sihe_200 New Member

    Day 22. Monk mode

    I've not observed any extra super obvious benefits in the past few days, except that I'm more aware of decisions and how they'll impact me on my journey. I'm taking time out to go out, see movies, meet people. I'm planning some travels for next year too.

    I had another wet dream last night to another ridiculous dream. :p. I guess the pipes still work. I'm keeping focused.
     
  19. Joshua Shea

    Joshua Shea Active Member

    @sihe_200 You can't stop Mother Nature from visiting you at night. It sounds like your lifestyle is evolving, which is great. Just don't define it based on the PMO. When I was in AA, so many people there lived their lives as "not a drinker." Despite being sober for 20 years, every thought they had was about drinking one way or another. I hope you're just enjoying life, not constantly dwelling on the PMO. Those "dry drunks" in AA never seemed happy.
     

Share This Page