I'm that girl who was ALWAYS reading growing up, and that's how I got into the trap of pornography. The stories I can create can stick in my head and overturn the things I want to actually think about the world and about myself. I found out about sites like these from a podcast about pornography, so I'm the kind of person who does too much research. It's hard to feel encouraged that change is possible. I'm hoping for an accountability partner I have similarities to so I can feel less lonely. One thing I need help navigating is technology. I feel threatened by the technology that surrounds me because it's always been the trigger for my bad choices, so I'm worried I'll end up being sucked into a wormhole, especially since it's something I struggle with on a daily basis. I have an awesome family. I'm religious to the best of my abilities but have been tied down from a lot of growth because of my shame of this issue. I'm a recent college graduate who just started a new job. I'm nervous about the continued effect this addiction has on me because I have so much riding on being able to work effectively. My goals: Distance myself from PMO Strengthen my relationship with my husband Keep work unaffected by addiction Engage in more, regular physical activity Build faith My general interests: Reading (especially graphic novels and YA) Calligraphy Vlogbrothers Musical Theater (especially cast recordings) Cooking Shows
Here's a question - has anyone found any research about how P compulsion varies throughout the menstrual cycle? In starting this journey, I recognize that it feels more feasible than normal because I'm not at a highly emotional point in my menstrual cycle. I'm sure that within the research on hormones, there has been a section on desire, but that isn't a normal thing for me at this point. I'm thinking there must be a connection because I heard about female soccer players optimizing their performance based on their cycles. https://www.goodmorningamerica.com/wellness/story/uswnt-period-tracking-win-world-cup-64709450
So far so good. I think what I need to nail down what my definition of P is. The thing that's been helping the most has been packing my days full of stuff. I've been doing a lot of moving around and walking and playing Pokemon Go.
I had a really intense time yesterday when I was home alone and usually would have been making a bad choice. It's interesting how little I want to reach out for help in the middle of the brain games. After (like now) I'm more logical and can put into words how the experience felt and hurts, but I didn't feel like I could either contact a family member or post here because it just feels like hurt. OR it would have felt like "oh, I did my token try to quit so now I'm not responsible for if I do go look at P because at least I tried". I've had those days though. I made it through but anticipate it being hard again today.
Restarting the count this morning because I woke up way early and couldn't go back to sleep. Didn't feel like doing anything other than staying warm and ended up breaking the chain. I'm still in this for the long run. I know it might take me a long, long time.
I've decided I'm going to try to lock down my phone more and get a safer browser, just for when I feel close to breaking.
Hi Reader, Just popping by from the male section of the forum. I hope you don't feel lonely in your struggle. You have all my encouragement! I am married too and like you am religious and shame and guilt have had a great impact on my life. Sadly I may not share too many similarities with you since I am a man (I've noticed you had questions relating to menstrual cycle). Though I hope you will find someone who can help you in this sense. In the meantime hope you can keep us updated on your progress! May God help you and your family! Don't give up on your thread if you don't see replies. I advise you to post on other people's threads too so they will be encouraged and interested yo visit your page too! In this way you will feel less on your own.
I wanted to share a podcast I listened to lately that brought a new perspective to the struggle. The core audience is religious leaders who are helping people of any age overcome pornography, but I found it helpful from my perspective as well. I'd love to hear if anyone else has thoughts on the presentation or advice on how to apply it. https://leadingsaints.org/the-root-of-pornography-use-a-presentation-by-sara-brewer/ Also, if you are a podcast person, my other favorite podcast on this topic is heavy in research and brings terminology to a place without shame. It's listed below: https://open.spotify.com/show/6Xsv9FZASIsXgABeszIFdO?si=3372ef18d4954db2
