Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by sougata mukherjee, Feb 9, 2019.

  1. sougata mukherjee

    sougata mukherjee New Member

    i am a 23 year old man and presently,a post graduate student in science in one of India's top universities.But, i have come here to seek some emergency medical advice on issues which are getting more dangerous day by day.To all the readers, I am apologising in advance for this lengthy post but please have the patience to read it entirely and PLEASE ANSWER EACH OF THE 3 QUESTIONS THAT ARE POSTED AT THE END OF MY DISCUSSION.I WILL BE EXTREMELY GRATEFUL TO ANYONE WHO DOES ME THIS FAVOR.
    From childhood, i have been a very intelligent person.I have had a remarkable memory and excellent logical and puzzle solving skills.I was very good at maths and physics and have been chess champion at both school and college level.All of my teachers and fellow friends admitted that i was much more intelligent than most of the students of my age and had a higher IQ.I had outstanding puzzle solving,logical thinking skills.I followed a healthy diet and lifestyle and always remained cheerful.
    But, since i have been in college,for the PAST 2 YEARS,I have been ignoring my sleep continuously by staying awake at 2 or 3 am in morning and then having little or no sleep and this has been the story for the past 2 year.I do not exercise or go to gym or play outside.Most of the time, i am busy with my phone, listening to songs and videos using headphones and i now realize that excessive use of these devices can produce brain damaging waves from the loud sound.I have been neglecting my diet and eating less.So,my brain does lack proper nutrition.Actually,the lifestyle changes that i have made have actually changed my body chemistry.I do not feel hungry and as fine and as energetic as before.It is as if i am a completely different person.I understand that my body has changed from inside and all my SLEEP CYCLES,BODY INTERNAL CYCLES AND BODY CLOCK HAVE BEEN severely affected.Nothing seems normal.Further, i have read that prolonged sleeplessness and lack of nutrition can cause accumulation of proteins inside the brain which can damage the nerve cells and kill them.But, these things are NOT THE ONLY REASON that i am posting my story.Please read below.
    Apart from the things i listed above, i am addicted to watching excess porn and masturbating, and for the past 6 YEARS ,i have been masturbating 3or 4 times a day.I started it because i felt lot of pleasure but then got addicted to CHRONIC PROLONGED OVERMASTURBATION FOR PAST 6 YEARS.I have made MORE THAN 1000 ATTEMPTS TO STOP IT BUT ALWAYS FAIL.i feel an irresistable urge to masturbate and end after ejaculating again after the previous promise i had made myself to quit it completely.I FEEL SEVERELY DEPRESSED AND LOSS OF SELF RESPECT.I HAVE BECOME EXTREMELY SHORT TEMPERED AND GET ANGRY AT SMALL REASONS.AS IF I HAVE BECOME A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSONALITY.I HAVE NO CONTROL ON MY ANGER.MY FEELINGS ARE NOT THE USUAL ONES THAT I HAD WHILE I WAS IN SCHOOL AND AWAY FROM THESE THINGS.I have lost all other notivation in life.The only motivation is to obtain more and more self pleasure.Whenever,i am outside,i always wait eagerly when i can go.home and jerk off,These thoughts run in my mind 24×7.Meanwhile,my body has suffered a lot.I have dark circles under my eyes,wrinkles on my face and i am just a dull ,unattractive person with no self respect.Old friends and distant relatives get shocked when they see my appearance now.My cheeks have become very thin.Initially,they were quite puffy.After too much masturbation,i lose control over my body and deel extremely tired or lack of any control as if i am going to faint.I feel very guilty.And there is no way i can stay away from this habit even a single day.Overtime,i have realized that this addiction is far worse than drugs or alcohol.Though i have never smoked or drank in my life and i do not have other harmful habits,but this sole destructive habit has cost me many things which i am DESCRIBING BELOW.

    Since the days i have started masturbating,sleeping less,use of headphones excessively,lack of physical exercise and proper nutrition, my brain has started showing some NEURODEGENERATIVE SYMPTOMS which are not supposed to occur naturally at my age.

    Initially i started to forget spellings of ordinary english words which were mastered by me and obvious to me since childhood one by one and it progressed consistently.My memory has degraded a lot and my mental thinking and puzzle solving abilities are vanished as if my mind is paralysed.I am forgetting things one by one and things that were obvious to me since childhood all are getting deleted from my mind as if i had never known them and they seem so new or unusual to me.In my childhood,whenever a problem would be given to me to solve,my mind would automatically figure out the link between info given and that i already knew and the problem would be solved in few minutes.Everything was so easy to learn and remember.But, now the scenario is totally different.I feel dizzy always.I have lost 7 kg weight in past 2 years.My mind cannot store new info easily.Everything has become very hard to learn and remember.For example,I CANNOT REMEMBER NEW FACES THAT I SEE OR MAKE DISTINCTION BETWEEN FACES EASILY.SAME THING OCCURS IN CASE OF SOUND OR VOICE RECOGNITION.AS IF MY MIND HAS BECOME SATURATED AND IT CANNOT STORE FURTHER NEW DATA OR INFO.IT FEELS LIKE A COMPUTER ATTACKED BY SOME VIRUS.I CANNOT LEARN ANYTHING NEW OR THINK CREATIVELY OR DEEPLY WHICH I ONCE USED TO DO EASILY.IT SEEMS THAT IT STRESSES MY MIND AND I HAVE TO DO HARDEST MENTAL LABOUR TO LEARN OR REMEMBER NEW FACES OR THINGS.

    If u show me two slightly different images of same person,it becomes difficult for me to conclude whether they are of the same or another person.Basic and simple concepts that i have learnt from childhood are now vanishing one by one from my memory.Doing simple calculations or understanding simple things becomes difficult.I get confused so easily.Suppose today i remember the correct concept of a particular thing or a correct spelling of a simple word that i have known since childhood.But few days or few hours later i might get confused and that thing seems so UNUSUAL NOW.Doing CALCULATIONS that were just a child's play to me once now seems so difficult.Whenever a PUZZLE is given to me to solve,my mind CANNOT CORRELATE between the info that is given and the info that i already knew(may be i do not remember it correctly).I cannot learn new things however simple they may be.I forget new things very easily.As if my mind has turned me into a completely DIFFERENT MAN and i cannot recognize my new self.I have become dumb and as if my mind has been PARALYSED AND BECOME BLANK.I have read that overmasturbation and lack of sleep are KILLERS OF BRAIN CELLS.THEY CAUSE IMBALANCE OF PRECIOUS NEUROTRANSMITTERS AND DISRUPT THE NORMAL FUNCTIONING OF THE BRAIN AND CAUSE INSANITY BY BURNING OUT NEURONS.Learning these things has left me extremely panicked,depressed and helpless!!i did not know such things were so harmful before i started it.IT SEEMS THAT SOMEDAY I MIGHT END UP FORGETTING MY OWN NAME OR WHERE I AM FROM.I ALWAYS FEEL TIRED,SLEEPY AND DUMB.I EVEN HAVE THOUGHTS OF COMMITTING SUICIDE.I CANNOT SEE MYSELF IN SUCH A SITUATION ANYMORE.MY HEAD ALWAYS GOES IN CICLES WHENEVER I AM WALKING OR DOING SOME STRENOUS WORK.I DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH NERVE CELLS I HAVE KILLED.It is costing me my career and my performance in semester exams gets poorer and poorer.I have developed insomnia and cannot sleep even if i feel sleepy.I have to rely upon anti anxiety medicines like anxit 0.25mg.It sounds weird but even if i go to sleep early nowadays,and feel sleepy,i just cannot fall asleep as if my consciousness cannot detach itself or the nerves become so sensitive and strong.My body functions abnormally.Inside,it is ruined and drained of important chemicals.I feel terribly upset.The problem is i cannot discuss this issue with my parents or friends.

    What has really frightened me is my lost ability to distinguish new faces or voices of singers.Even 2 years ago,everything was completely fine and still today,i have no pblms in recognizing old friends or our distant relatives.But my pblm is that if u show me two different images of same person slightly different facial expressions or makeup,it becomes hard for me to distinguish between them and tell whether they are of same or different people.This is absurd for a normal person and that's why,i am having thoughts that my nerves have been damaged or killed and probably this is some sort of degenerative disorder,that will ultimately lead to more complications.I studied on the net and according to medical professionals,this condition is called ACQUIRED PROSOPAGNOSIA meaning difficulty in recognizing faces.They said that it is caused due to DAMAGE to TEMPORAL LOBE NEURONS or the face recognition mechanisms in the brain due to some degenerative disease of the brain cells.I HAVE ALSO LEARNT THAT OVERMASTURBATION CAN CAUSE DAMAGE TO NERVE CELLS BY FLOODING THE BRAIN WITH EXCESSIVE DOPAMINE AND STARVING THE CELLS OF OTHER NEUROTRANSMITTERS.What's really bothering me is that now if u show me image of an actress or unknown person, i cannot remember the face accurately and after few hours if u again show me the same image,i will fail to recognize the person.It takes a longer time and lot of mental effort to remember even 1 single new face.And,i get confused easily.If two people have even little bit of similarities in faces,i might think they are same people and get confused.These things have newly begun.Previously,when i used to see anew face,i could remember it accurately quite easily and even judge what the differences between two faces are though they look very much ALIKE.IT SEEMS TO ME that my brain has lost that inbuilt ability to detect each and every minute details with exact Precision ,store that data and respond whenever it is required.SAME PROBLEM OCCURS IN CASE OF SOUND RECOGNITION.Thats Why,I am forced into thinking whether By stopping the natural way the mind and body functions,and reprogramming my mind in a destructive way,by imbalance of precious chemicals for such long time period,i have sparked off any neurodegenerative disease or not !!I want to get my original self back just before everything started.,the way GOD ORIGINALLY BUILT ME.BUT ,I HAVE TOO LITTLE HOPE LEFT.


    Q1. ON the basis of what I told u about my life,what do u think about how much nerve cells i have killed or damaged??Can i go back to the situation prior to starting these habits as if nothing happened??

    Q2. Do u think my nerves have been permanently damaged and can new nerves be formed or the damage repaired to normalise the physiological conditions inside the body.

    Q3.What diet should i take and what lifestyle should I follow to recover myself to maximum possible levels??And, how can i completely give up thoughts of ejaculation?
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2019
  2. Freedom from Servitude

    Freedom from Servitude Active Member

    Hi there, without meaning to sound patronising, I think that there is a bit of hypochondria here. I know this because I am a bit of hypochondriac myself. To answer all of your questions I don't think you have anything to worry about regarding nerve cell damage. Many recovering addicts on forums like this are going through symptoms you describe as a result of personal neglect, and there have been people who have recovered from them. The key is to cutting porn out of the picture and looking after yourself. In terms of looking after yourself, you are a bright guy and do not need us to point out what you need to do. Indeed, you have already mentioned some of them; good sleep and exercise are really important.

    There is no single blueprint you can follow, you have to find your own way in recovery. Start off by drawing inspiration from the journals of other users in this forum (the link to mine is at the bottom of my banner) and experiment with some of the ideas found in them. As for dealing with thoughts to act out, you can't stop them from coming into existence, but you can just accept them and let them pass without the compulsive urge to follow the course of action they are directing you towards. Regular Mindfulness meditation is key here. One other tip that has helped me enormously in recovery is being part of a recovery fellowship like SAA. I am two years 7 months no PMO and I wouldn't have got this far if it wasn't for the support of the people in the meetings I go to. Best of luck in making the first steps in your recovery!
  3. sougata mukherjee

    sougata mukherjee New Member

    Freedom from servitude,i am very grateful to u for giving me an advice on this matter.As u said,i will surely start meditating,proper sleep and diet and exercising.But,the point is I have made several promises to myself before this one too.But, whenever there is an urge to masturbate,it becones irresiatable and that thought prevails in my mind 24×7 and makes me excited and diverts my attention from all other things.Can you please tell me a bit about the fellowship SAA that u mentioned about in your post??
    Actually, i have become so addicted,so addicted that 24×7 that thought comes in my mind.Can you suggest further what i shall think of or what should i do at that instant to keep that unwanted thought away whenever that thought arises??
    U have been on the verge of complete success and i also want to achieve that but that demon keeps on coming inside me and changes my mindset.Do u think online counselling with a psychiatrist could help me further apart from the ways u told me to follow?Actually, i am alone now and do not have friends in my locality because they have gone elsewhere to complete their education.At home,i am alone and always feel lonely.I do not indulge in other creative activities and the mobile phone and tv seems to be the only entertainment channels for me.Because,i have not much things to do,that thought keeps on coming??Should i join the gym to recover more quickly?I wish i could keep the mindest against masturbation that i am temporarily having while writing this thread,i hope this could be permanent and kick out the laziness in me.Every morning just in bed,before getting out of bed,i have this extreme urge to jerk off and that demon inside me wakes up,no matter how many articles i have read which speak of the terminal effects of masturbation It seems that i have got no control at that moment on myself but some other greater force is controlling me.Are you sure,i can fully recover if i give up masturbation entirely???
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2019
  4. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    Q1. ON the basis of what I told u about my life,what do u think about how much nerve cells i have killed or damaged??Can i go back to the situation prior to starting these habits as if nothing happened??

    While porn addiction is a form of brain abuse, and does alter or sensitize neurological brain reward pathways, no nerve cells are killed, and the brain pathways, due to brain plasticity, can be re-trained to something close to pre-porn levels. You should think of porn as tool, as a means to an end, it is a thing you use to obtain a dopamine high. You used that tool so often and for so long that you "trained" your brain to expect that dopamine high, every day, multiple times a day. To be most successful you need to start changing the way you think, and the vocabulary you. It is inexact to say you masturbate excessively, rather, and more truthfully, say you seek a dopamine high excessively.

    As for "going back", you can train your brain not to want a dopamine high, but, owing to DeltaFosB you will never completely forget you can use porn to get a dopamine rush.

    Q2. Do u think my nerves have been permanently damaged and can new nerves be formed or the damage repaired to normalise the physiological conditions inside the body.

    Porn addiction does not damaged the body. Porn addiction does not damage the brain in the traditional sense of the word. Rather, porn addiction is both the cause and effect of the brain altering what it gives us a dopamine reward for. Dopamine is a motivational and reward neurotransmitter. The dopamine response, the ability to get a dopamine high, exists in all humans and mammals. It is nature's way, naturally, of encouraging reproduction. So, goes like this: Think of sex, get a dopamine high. Porn does something that is not natural, as in does not naturally occur in nature; it allows us to think of sex ALL THE TIME, and in very graphic ways. This translates to the ability to give ourselves a dopamine rush that did not exist before High Speed Internet Porn, thus allowing for formation of the addiction. As you trained your brain to become addicted to porn, you will have to train your brain not to. That will hurt, but it can be done.

    Q3.What diet should i take and what lifestyle should I follow to recover myself to maximum possible levels??And, how can i completely give up thoughts of ejaculation?

    Exercise. Work. Come up with a new hobby you like. To get healthy you will need complete abstinence from porn induced dopamine highs for a while. Most start with 90 days hard mode, no porn, no PMO, no M, no O, no sex, no porn substitutes, no vanilla porn. You need to plan now on what to do when the urges come, to avoid acting on them. You need to develop a distraction technique now, for when, later, the urges hit. Something to prevent a two second sexual thought from becoming dopamine drenched sexual opera in your head. Plan now for avoiding it then.

    Good luck.
  5. Freedom from Servitude

    Freedom from Servitude Active Member

    SAA or Sex Addicts Anonymous is a group of recovering Sex addicts (that includes addiction to porn and masturbation) coming together to support each other in recovery through meetings. There is a set programme called the 12 steps inspired from AA, that its members work through and an abundance of literature to support it. Here is their website: https://saa-recovery.org/

    Becoming part of a fellowship has been one of the most important things I have done for my recovery. It takes accountability to another level where the barrier of a computer screen is no longer there. The isolation of our private addictive lives and our public lives gets broken down. I have made some good friends out of my association with SAA.

    As I expressed in my first post, you can't stop thoughts from coming into your mind, only shift your awareness away from them. Mindfulness is one tool to do this. Gradually, you may find that the frequency of those thoughts diminish with practice. The key is to not minding when those thoughts pop up and learning to let them pass without acting on them.

    Exercise and a social life helps. Start small and in baby steps. Is there a club you can get involved with?

    This addiction is unlike a physical condition, it is not something that you can be cured from. What abstinence does is that it forces the addiction into dormancy. However those addictive pathways in the brain stay there, which is why to some extent we will always have to be on guard to make sure that we don't fall into old habits.

    Masturbation isn't bad in itself. The problem is that through society we develop shame around it. It is compulsive masturbation that is the problem. I agree with William, that its easier to cut out both porn and masturbation for a little while until at least you can learn the restraint to practice masturbation healthily without porn or fantasy.

    Remember that you are not going to improve on all of your issues immediately. I find it helpful to remember that I can only live life one day at a time. Sometimes things are too big too handle mentally when we look at the big picture. With one step at a time you can do anything.
  6. biggleii

    biggleii Member

    That's two questions. Probably not to your first question. Probably yes if you stop your habits. I think wanking 3 to 4 times a day is way too much. I would try at least to average less than once a day.

    Again two questions. Probably not to your first question. Probably yes to your second question. I doubt your "nerves" have been damaged that badly. I'd go easy on the porn and masturbation though. Like I said, average of less than once a day. Although I'd do a mini "reboot" first, like maybe just forget about sex (don't orgasm) for a 2-3 days or for as many days as you can (though it's not necessary to go 90 days lol).

    Again two questions. Geezus. There's tons of stuff on the internet. Google "high testosterone diet" or "high testosterone lifestyle". That would personally be where I'd start. Don't google "porn addiction" because you'll just end up at YBOP which is a pseudo-science website run by a quack doctor LOL. To your second question, you're a guy, it's normal for guys to have a libido, probably not so normal to wank 3-4 times a day.

    All the best.
  7. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Hey sougata Mukherjee. I have each and every symptom of yours. Even I have developed the insomnia. I have no option but to be Pmo free. Just pray that we recover from this tiredness , feeling of being ugly etc as early as possible.
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2019 at 2:20 AM
  8. Freedom from Servitude

    Freedom from Servitude Active Member

    Hi Mickeymouse, as I have said to you before, there is lots of useful advice to help with insomnia online. I wonder whether you have got round to trying any of it? I just wanted to share that I have been taking Magnesium supplements lately, and, for the most part, save from the occasional disruption to my sleep routine brought by late nights, my sleep has improved noticeably. Magnesium is quite a common mineral that a lot of people are deficient in, so it is something worth giving a go.

Share This Page