Over 50, still trying

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Henry+, May 18, 2022.

  1. Henry+

    Henry+ New Member

    Hi guys, anyone in that category here?
    I’m trying to reboot or at least to get this garbage out of my life.
    It would be great to hear from other guys and share a bit.

    I’m still learning how this forum works, though.
     
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  2. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    I'm married, just celebrated 25 years, and almost 50. Does that count?

    Welcome to the forum.
     
    Henry+ likes this.
  3. Henry+

    Henry+ New Member

    Sure!
    Thanks for getting in touch.
    Similarly, recently 25 years.
    On and off, but mostly on, I struggle with P addiction since before the www was accessible — though never bought a magazine or tape, or even payed for P with anything but my time and dignity (ok, electricity and internet bills etc). That doesn’t make me better than anyone.
    Although I know loads of the theory behind all this, my feeling is that it all boils down to the support you have to face the addiction.
    Now I’m here to give it another go.
    Loneliness has always been a huge trigger to me.
    So feeling there are other guys around me helps a lot.

    I’ve been having horrendous cravings today and managed to hold on so far.

    Cheers
     
  4. badger

    badger Well-Known Member

    i just celebrated 44 yrs of marriage. i'm 67. welcome, my brother if you have a problem with porn you are in the right place. this place is one beggar showing another beggar where to find bread.
     
    Saville and Henry+ like this.
  5. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the board. Post here as much as you can. It's the best way I know to help us stay on the straight and narrow.
     
    Henry+ likes this.
  6. Henry+

    Henry+ New Member

    What do you guys do when a dreaded task is just ahead, stuff you should have done is late because of procrastination and P&M, anxiety kicking in and the cravings are just about to make you relapse?
    I’m like that right now.

    I also realised recently that reading posts in this forum can also be addictive and time consuming —some sort of less guilt laden procrastination, perhaps. The dopamine shot of getting a like or response, the impulse to come checking…

    Adult ADHD is also an issue for me. Very much linked with addiction and weakened willpower. Anyone else on that boat?
     
    Saville likes this.
  7. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Recovery is a verb. I was the worst procrastinator in the world, the ultimate under achiever. I still struggle with getting shit done, but I have a couple of rules in place now. Firstly, when you think about doing something, just get up and do it. Yesterday I thought I should weed my front garden. Before I allowed myself to get distracted I put on my shoes and did the job. I don't think of doing the whole task, just starting. Often I finish what I start, but I don't put that pressure on myself. I actually accomplished two things by weeding yesterday, the other being I ate my breakfast an hour later than I would've. As a one-time fat slob I am always trying to limit my calorie intake to just a few hours in the day.

    Secondly, I do one thing at a time. It is easy to get discouraged by all there is to do. The garage is a mess, the basement is bursting at its seams, the yard looks like a barnyard, the taxes aren't done...it can all be so overwhelming. So, like with a messy room, you pick a corner, any corner, and start picking stuff up; this creates momentum in our spirit.

    People who are attracted to porn are almost always powered-down individuals. P hangs low on the tree and is easy to pick for people who feel downtrodden. It's the small tasks that are important. And, we must factor our own wellbeing into the equation. For instance, if I have two thoughts in the morning, one being I'd like to take a walk, the other being weeding, I will opt for the walk. On that walk I don't wear headphones.

    I have gotten more done over the past few years then I ever have. As I mentioned in my last post, writing in your journal is critical. We need to put our thoughts down in print, as it were. Write on the journals of others, as well, because this also helps to solidify our new direction.
     
    badger, Henry+, StarWarsFan and 2 others like this.
  8. mailboxsam

    mailboxsam Active Member

    Greetings HenryIT. Unmarried, 43 years old, but I’m struggling with the same crap as you are. Hang in there friend.
     
    Henry+ likes this.
  9. Henry+

    Henry+ New Member

    Thanks, guys.
    Your support means a great deal.
    Knowing you are there (wherever) and care blunts the edge of loneliness a bit and it becomes less of a trigger.
    Yes, you can feel lonely even if well married and reasonably successful. I need male friends around and haven’t had much of that since the beginning of the pandemic.

    Peace to all of you.
     
  10. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    The loneliest I ever felt was lying in bed beside my wife, both of us feeling the tortured isolation. Getting our lives back on track changes all that in a big way. 12 days is great!
     
    Henry+ likes this.
  11. nowsthetime

    nowsthetime Do Your Best, Then Do it Again.

    Welcome!

    A great thing that happens here is that, when one post, shares, it resonates and helps others in many ways we are unaware of when we post.

    You posting begot us a great posting/info from Saville…..thanks Saville, solid advice about procrastinating.

    I can tell everyone there is NO doubt, AT ALL, for me, that, when I am NOT doing this PMO bs, and get on a good run, I am suddenly, magically like, more focused and energized and feel like my better self, my potential, is now evident, and at work.

    I was here originally, 9 years ago, and did well for a time, but then slowly things creeped in again and enough so that I came back yesterday, and plan to stay now.

    Not just for me, but for anybody I may be able to help, from my own experience.

    It’s as good a reason as any.
     
    mailboxsam, Saville and Henry+ like this.
  12. Kuhn

    Kuhn Member

    same, it's like i'm a completely different person when i PMO regularly. It's kind of crazy to think these real health effects go under the radar for so many other people. They'll say ''oh, it's just P'' ''everybody does it'' etc. it borders on denial.
     
  13. Henry+

    Henry+ New Member

    That’s dense.
    Thanks for sharing it.
    The detachment from real people creeps in when we get our fix of contact with people through P. Others who can hurt us or just not respond the way we’d like them to seem a lot less interesting than those we can choose to perform what we want and when we want it right in front of our eyes, at the touch of a finger. Then M&O give our brains the sensation it was worth it –which, however, lasts for a very short time, leaving the void. And so it spirals down…
    Just rambling.

    Thank you all again. :)
     
    Saville likes this.
  14. mailboxsam

    mailboxsam Active Member

    Welcome back nowsthetime.
     
  15. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Keep on rambling. We eventually ramble into some significant truths.
     
    Henry+ and Libertad like this.
  16. Henry+

    Henry+ New Member

    My friends,
    I’ve been away from home since yesterday. Until Sunday with part of my family, but after that, I’m on my own in a country where temptation can come easy and strong to do many things (virtual and real) that can destroy me and my family from within me, without them having a clue.
    It will be great to know you guys are there.
    Cheers
     
    Kuhn likes this.
  17. nowsthetime

    nowsthetime Do Your Best, Then Do it Again.

    Thank you!

    Only been 4 days or so but having a great week.
     
    Henry+ likes this.
  18. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Hey, bro'...sup?
     
  19. Henry+

    Henry+ New Member

    Hi!
    Not so great.
    Had to reset my counter during my trip, as I suspected would happen. As soon as I got into my hotel room, I went straight to PMO for several hours, three times over the course of 24 hours (still wondering where the energy for that came from). And that was it. Could have been worse.
    Now back home I feel safer, and with the exhaustion COVID19 brings along –though I’m recovering quite well– can’t even think about getting a fix.
    But yeah, I’ll stay here and keep trying.
    Thanx for asking.
     
    Saville likes this.
  20. Henry+

    Henry+ New Member

    I’d be grateful to hear from you guys about how you deal with P and spiritual life.

    I’ve often lived them as two parallel realities and most of the time managed to keep some sort of balance. I shared my struggle with close friends who practice the same faith and it helped somewhat. But losing the opportunity to meet up with them since the start of the pandemic and, even before that, feeling I was just bothering them with my recurring use of P, I sort of gave up.
    Hope hasn’t gone completely and I still believe that fellowship is key to spiritual life, so here is another attempt at reconnecting.
     

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