Out of the Question

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Deleted User, Jun 19, 2020.

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  1. TrueSelf

    TrueSelf Active Member

    Yup this is how it has played out for me as well. Endless searching for something that porn is never able to provide.
    I also feel like it is a false excitement. When watching porn it's always the same situation that has been engaged in many, many times (at least in my case) before. How can that really be exciting?
     
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  2. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Try to be careful with your expectations.

    It's good to dream but many times when we confront reality things aren't as we hoped.

    We got to stay humble and keep trying. Having too strong expectations and then getting crushed by them (totally normal response) is a sign we need to learn more. We're not doing something right yet. Over the top expectations (too attached to them) is a sign we are probably burning some steps. Maybe have some more humble expectations.



    I think you're doing good man. Keep going.

    Love your life my friend. With all your heart.
     
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  3. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Totally agree ... I know that feeling.
     
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  4. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

  5. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Thanks for your support guys.
    I think you're right about the expectations Longwayhome. Thanks.
     
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  6. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

  7. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Hope you're doing all right friend.
     
  8. birdsky

    birdsky Member

    Hey man,

    how are you doing? Are you still in the institution? How is it going?
     
  9. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Thelongwayhome27 and Swifty like this.
  10. birdsky

    birdsky Member

    @Joost

    Good for you. How do you feel at home? Did the institute help? Have you learned how to deal with the urges?

    I am still in the institute, but as I have written in my journal, it doesn‘t help much. The therapy sessions are almost useless. The only good thing is, I changed my environment what makes it easier to not relapse. I still notice that my flatline is almost gone, I have a hard time sleeping because unconsciously I am fantasising and having erections. I really fear that i could relapse the next days. i need to stay focused.
     
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  11. Swifty

    Swifty New Member

    Whoa nice insight.
     
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  12. Swifty

    Swifty New Member

    Joost what is this gloriousness?

    Naamloos.jpg

    Edit: Had a brain slip but just remembered I felt like it made me want to add something here. Oh yes the thief in the night reference. A song. I am muse of sorts but won't post songs much here. Not a bard. I do not sing.

    NE how here we go and did you write that poem?

     
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2020
  13. Swifty

    Swifty New Member

    Interesting you are aware of that circuit. I think I have the same one but I have been rejoicing with it which must stop.
     
  14. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    I wrote that poem, yes. You like it? It's not a happy poem.
    Conspirituality seems like a hopeful merge, but it's still a con.

    Joost
     
  15. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Regardless

    Sort of proved the relevance of that poem by my reaction to your post, Swifty. I apologize. I'm a hiphop head since I first heard some tapes from 2pac and Snoop Dog. I wish I was able to follow the lyrics of Thief in the Night better. I've indulged in gnosticism for quite a while myself. But yeah, I'm a dragon. Reptilian blood. I wonder what view they hold against dragonkind.

    Regardless of that, I came here to write a few words about wifey. I've been talking to her again in my spirit. She's there. I know I can't 'have' her. I'm not living up to my self and what it would mean to be her husband. I feel impotent. Its not a genital thing. More a state of learned helplessness and defeatism that has been around on my part for as long as I like to remember. She's great, regardless of my failing. And its such a gift that God has shown me my wife. There really is no search anymore. There's no point in it. I already found the girl of my youth. My eternal girl. So happy ending. :)
     
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  16. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Bad Morning.

    I had an absolute shitty, disappointing day. I went to visit my uncle who's in the hospital a few cities away. So I took the train and on the way back I bought a ticket, but it fell out of my pocket as I took out that stupid, obsolete mouth-mask. Thing is I realized later, when the ticket inspector asked for a ticket and I could only find the one I bought on the way home. The guy then handed me a ticket for 60 euros. For me to pay. Not looking to start a pity-party, but things like this piss me off. He wouldn't believe me that I had bought one and immediately got into aggro pressure mode. Blabla, i'm just doing my job. In other words: "I do not care whether you really bought a ticket or not."

    It feels as if my life is going down the drain again, but feelings aren't the truth. Neither is that whole corona-charade they're pulling on the people. It's a cover up.
    Anyway. I wrote a piece called America 2020, the Rear View. It's on my blog. Hopefully it resonates with someone.

    Joost


     
  17. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    It's PPP-ORNO!

    A memory came to me of when I was first exposed to pornographic material. It was at a friends place and I must have been about eleven years old. Actually Patrick was my best friend at the time and I loved hanging out at his place. He had an older and a younger brother. He had a Playstation. Pokemon cards and.. Porn. All in the house! I remember the magazines were stashed in his older brothers room under the bed.
    These were german magazines with pictures of naked women. I didn't consider them to be dirty, perse. But more like a thrill. Crossing borders into a new layer of existence. Alas, that's were the danger is..
    You see things you've never seen before and get drawn by them. Somewhere you know sex is sacred, and not be viewed like this. But you are exposed to it, no one covered your eyes.
    It be fun to buy such magazine now. :rolleyes:
    Maybe it would shed a new perspective on the porn craze of this digital age. I'm too old for pokemon. I rather play soccer than Playstation, so if I had to pick one of the three P's, it will be a PORNO-magazine. I'm 32. I can responsibly comprehend such magazine. An eleven year old can't. That's the problem. Who's guarding the kids of tomorrow? I know sure as hell that Joe Biden won't.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 4, 2020
  18. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    image.jpeg
    Ohola & Oholiba. Two whores.

    EDIT: If a mod can turn this image into a spoiler alert thing, thats cool with me. Otherwise let it stay. There are plenty of women like this out on the street. Plus we're in the 30+ section.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 4, 2020
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  19. birdsky

    birdsky Member

    Hey @Joost,

    It's interesting I have a similar experience. When I was in kindergarten I got exposed to such a magazine either by some other kid. I guess I was like 9 or 10 years of age. At this time I was really ashamed and I didn't find any interest in it. I really hate this people who introduced me to first MO and then PMO. I guess or all lives would have turn out differently if we weren't exposed to it.

    It's interesting that you say, that we're in the 30+ section, and therefore many might not be triggered. This is indeed true in regard to this picture. However, should we be worried about that? I could imagine being triggered by this picture when I was younger. Maybe it's just the flatline.

    Anyway. Hope you're doing well.
     
  20. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    That's exactly my point. We are not 13 anymore, so I consider such a picture BIG DEAL, not. The women in the magazines are whores just like Ohola and Oholiba. Read the scripture sometime. It may prove itself to be interesting in regards to porn addiction. Those magazines led to videos and the rest is history, you know. Thats how we got here.

    I hope you are well, too Mr. Birdsky
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 7, 2020

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