Out of the Question

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Joost, Jun 19, 2020.

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  1. Joost

    Joost Member

    Update.

    The sleeping problem continues. I made an appointment with a doctor to see if that brings some new insights. It's not as much a problem sleeping, as it is one of getting restorative sleep.
    Basically, i'm walking around with an exhausted body and mind most of my days. Nevertheless throughout that, or should I say above that, i'm entering more into God's rest, which is of another order alltogether.
    I've had no real urges to watch porn in a long time, but pretty feminine shapes definetely draw my attention and getting entangled with the wrong woman can even be more dangerous than porn.
    Socially I made some improvements as well, hanging out with some old friends.

    Joost > been blogging lately: https://dezwarteveer.blogspot.com/
     
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  2. Joost

    Joost Member

    Hi folks,

    Currently i'm in a mental institution. One that is supposed to benefit mental health. Do not ask me how I ended up here. It is a result of many bad decisions and they can't be blamed on addiction. There's different kind of people here with mental issues like psychosis. Tomorrow I face a trial, which will decide in how much the governing instances can regulate my life. Think: forced medication,
    Honestly it sucks, but I know there is something to gain from it all. There's something to learn that will make me a better being by the grace of God.
    Pornography filled a void, that í'm now sort of facing again. I have no idea how to deal with that yet.

    Joost
     
  3. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Sorry to hear @Joost. I wish you a lot of strength. Do you have support from your family?
     
  4. runningforfreedom

    runningforfreedom New Member

    @Joost

    I too currently have a mental illness. While I don't know your particular situation, I am sure that it is by no means easy. I am rooting for you.
     
  5. Joost

    Joost Member

    Thanks.
    I do have support from family.

    It's an interesting setup here in the mental institution. Workers and patients are sort of mingling in a household setting, which can add to the confusion when you first get here. It easy to label someone psychotic and dangerous and thus argue to medicate them, but some of the people here are quite rationally sane and get put down by medication. Its nice to have this little window to the outside. I'd say strong porn-consumers know a thing or two about mental ill-ness.

    Joost
     
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  6. Shady

    Shady Active Member

    @Joost hope it all goes fine.
     
  7. runningforfreedom

    runningforfreedom New Member

    @Joost

    That sounds like a rather confusing, and somewhat disheartening situation. I'm glad to hear that you have a window, hopefully that brings you some solace.

    I'm rooting for you, friend.
     
  8. Joost

    Joost Member

    Yeah, i've been here now for a week and had some of the best conversations with the 'inmates'. Psychosis is nothing but a soul crisis and the last thing people need is not to be taken serious. And unfortunately that is often what the people get in here. They're not understood in their experience of life.
    So far it has been a humbling experience for me, but also bothersome to see this is how we treat those that differ too much from the norm. Quite pathetic.

    I'm intending to write a booklet about this and to tell the story of the 'mentally sick'. I just need to get my computer and camera in here.
     
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  9. runningforfreedom

    runningforfreedom New Member

    That's so sad, I'm sorry to hear your story friend.

    I am of the belief that much of what we call "psychosis" is a completely natural and expected reaction to adverse life events in the messed-up society that we live in. I think that our "mental health" system does an extreme disservice to those who we label "not normal". And for that matter, who gets to decide what "normal" is? It is all a bunch of baloney. I think if your fellow inmates were taken seriously with understanding and compassion, this would go much further towards healing than locking up and telling them they have "psychosis".

    I would love to read your booklet about your experience, and your view on the "mentally sick".

    I will keep you in my prayers.
     
  10. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    You got this Joost. Hope you're doing all right.
     
  11. Joost

    Joost Member

    Thanks for your support guys. Streaming a little video for your sake and mine. I've been working on it from out of this place.

    Dashlane America

    https://streamable.com/95e08f

    (Is the second part, the poetry part, even audible on speakers?)​
     
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2020
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  12. Joost

    Joost Member

    :mad:
    I'm pretty frustrated right now, which increases the risk of relapsing or doing something foolishly.
    I miss doing fun things, I can't stand senseless people with lame jokes. Old wounds are being touched again, but I can't risk lashing out at someone or somewhere. At the same time i'm in need of an outlet.
    Being teamed up with God isn't easy. The old has to go. None of it can stay. None of it can enter His Kingdom. God isn't doing half a job. You think he accepts any form of debauchery or pervertedness? No way. He won't, if only , to protect the innocent from evil. Neither can He work with the lazy. I've been lazy, careless. Rather being asleep, than awake. It seems deeply ingrained into my 'system'. But God will burn it, no matter what. Trust me, this goes for everyone of us.
    Ask God to hate your sin and you will begin to see what's so wrong about porn.
     
  13. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    In my own opinion better to MO then to lash out at someone ! Unless you can find a better source to self regulate then MO ?

    What is causing the sudden frustration ? I think you were saying that you were enjoying talking to fellow inpatients.

    Maybe try to see what buttons are being pushed ? Try to be self aware in case you are shifting blame on the external (even if it may be objectively correct and legit) - but instead to see what inside is being touched upon. Such thinking leads to better solutions and as a result calming down sometimes.

    You got this man.
     

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