Out of cage. 8 months without PMO. DE&PIED cured. No urges.

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by runksoneck, Apr 18, 2021.

  1. runksoneck

    runksoneck New Member

    Hi guys

    I am new here in this forum. Started in the nofap.com, so if you wanna see all my journal you can see through here: https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/out-of-cage-8-months-without-pmo.275741/

    I will start this journal to post some content weekly related to quit PMO.

    I don't know all the truth, I will just tell based on my experience, a successful one I consider.

    I had DE, PIED, suicidal thoughts, addicted for more than 10 years ( I am 27 now), almost dropped out of college because of PMO, objectified heavy woman, had super cravings that I had to stop everything else to PMO.

    But now:

    I am now 8 months without P->M->O.

    Cured my DE and my PIED.
     
  2. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Hi, that is fantastic! Happy to hear you were able to recover. Could you share some advice or tips on how you managed to drop PMO? Thanks,
     
    runksoneck likes this.
  3. runksoneck

    runksoneck New Member

    You can't ignore the big problems that lead you to PMO.

    You can't cut off PMO to then solve the Big problems that lead you to PMO.

    You can't do the NOFAP challenge (90 days) without solving the big problems that lead you to PMO. Because you can eventually achieve the 90 days, but you eventually will go back to the same loop.

    You have to solve your big problems while you cut off PMO. Or solve your big problems first, then cut off PMO.

    You will be in a loop until you see that.









     
  4. runksoneck

    runksoneck New Member

    Quote from: Rebootando on Today at 12:04:26 AM

    I read your post and was inspired by your story. I will disagree and say that I am going to start my new streak on monk mode. I realize this may change, just like how you incorporated M into your life when you were comfortable with it. There is a case to be made the monk mode is more difficult and will lead people to relapse if they have too high of sexual urges. On the other hand, I believe that the times when I was MOing were times where I felt defeated in my streak. I would incorporate MO after a streak of a week or two, but the MOing only led to PMOing. For that reason, I am trying hard mode for now.

    In the end, you are fully cured while I'm not. I still find your success motivating and will keep your advice in mind. Thanks a lot.

    ___________________________

    I also had that belief, that MOing only led to PMOing.

    I also said that I would probably never M again. Afraid that would lead to PMO.

    The key here is why you use PMO. What are you are trying to escape?

    You will do the monk challenge, but probably you will have the same big problems that firstly lead you to use PMO.

    As I said, the nofap (easy, hard, or monk mode) won't work until you solve that. Until you put your focus on that.

    That maybe is harsh. But is the principle that did lead me to not have more urges, not at all., from a guy who had to stop everything that he was doing because of the intensity of the craving to PMO.

    You can do the nofap challenge (easy, hard, or monk mode) 90, 180, 360 days. But you probably will do it mainly by self-discipline and motivation.

    But you can't maintain that for all your life, there will be days when your motivation will be low and when you won't have all that self-discipline. You are human, you aren't perfect.

    So you will relapse, and probably you will binge with all the blame and the sexual tension accumulated or emotional tension acumulated
     
  5. runksoneck

    runksoneck New Member

    Don't ignore your big problems in life, face them.

    We are used to ignore them, but eventually, that grows to a point that the only thing we know what to do is PMO.

    For that, you can, for example, study emotional intelligence, you can ask for help (friends, family, wife, therapist, AP), you can analyze, and take big decisions.

    Just don't be a victim, using PMO as a crutch and blaming others because of your problems.

    Take responsibility for everything in your life.

    I almost dropped out of college because I was afraid of public speaking. But now I am getting off my zone of comfort and I became a member of toastmasters one month ago
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2021
    TrueDat likes this.
  6. Good job, runsoneck, and thanks for sharing with us.
     
    runksoneck likes this.
  7. runksoneck

    runksoneck New Member

    For the guys who ''need'' a girlfriend.

    Why you need a girlfriend mainly?

    Is it because you need a companion, or because of sex or something else like the ''society'' is telling you to have a girlfriend because of your age and because the majority of your friends already have one or something related to this? Or something else

    What I am trying to say is that if it is because you need a companion, you are feeling alone, you have to focus on why you can't be single? can't you be happy single, have fun, do what you like, hobbies, going out with your buddies, flirting, and dating girls?

    Because it's different when you say I ''need'' a girlfriend and when you say I ''want, but I am not needy''.

    If is mainly because of sex, because you need to satisfy your sexual desires with sex, we need to look deeper into that. Because you can depend on a woman to satisfy all your sexual desire. Because what if you are in a good relationship, but for any reason, she can't have sex for a while, like 2 weeks or even 1 month or 2 months, or you have a girlfriend but then both breakup, how you gonna satisfy your sexual desires?

    I know that I can't have sex every week for my entire life, so that's why I added M without P and without being a coping mechanism to escape from my problems in life to my ''arsenal''. I can depend solely on sex to satisfy my healthy sexual need. I can't be consistent with that, and probably what I would do is recur to my old mechanism to satisfy my sexual need, that is PMO.

    But if is because mainly because of pressure from society and as a consequence you keep pressuring yourself to get a girlfriend, we also have to take a look into that.

    What happened to me: I didn't get off PMO with a girlfriend. Even that I was told about, that you need a girlfriend to rewire or something like that. And I still don't depend solely on sex to satisfy my healthy sexual needs. I am in balance, i don't have more urges because i don't need to recur to PMO to satisfy my healthy sexual need and to escape from my reality. I am not the perfect guy, that doesn't have problems, but i don't need more PMO as a coping mechanism, i have another healthy mechanisms to deal with my problems and my sexual needs.

    I looked deeper into my real needs and into the things that I was escaping from my life. I firstly initiate PMO because I couldn't date girls or have a girlfriend and because I had low self-esteem mainly because i was shy and i was religious, i viewed myself as an outsider, that could not connect with the other boys and girls. So when i was using PMO i was escaping from all that, i remember that when i was PMOing i was having thoughts about all girls wanting me, about i was the alfa ...:emoji_expressionless: - I was escaping
     
  8. runksoneck

    runksoneck New Member

    My thoughts about PIED

    PIED is mainly related to desensitization. Because at least for me, I had PIED with a girl, but when I was watching P, it was like a block of concrete.

    So you don't feel pleasure enough with a girl as when you are watching P (super stimulus, novelty, unlimited, easy to access 24 hrs), isn't fair, even if is your girlfriend or your wife.

    Then when you cut off P, your receptors of dopamine go back to normal. And then you start to feel pleasure again with a woman. And you start to recover your sensibility in your pennis because you don't M like a freak anymore.
     
    niskanen91 likes this.
  9. runksoneck

    runksoneck New Member

    PMO is a habit?

    I view a lot of similarities of addiction with a bad habit, a super bad habit.

    The mechanism is the same: triggers, desire, process, and recompense.

    But PMO addiction have a lot of triggers (everywhere, from different formats), a lot of desires (you can do to satisfy your sexual needs, you can do to escape from reality, to feel good...), the process, PMO itself (is simple, unlimited, contains novelty, superstimulus) and the recompense (is A LOT)

    So that's is why I relate so much with a super bad habit.

    And because we repeat so much that bad habit, occur some changes in our brains (sensitization, desensitization, altered response to stress...)

    From a guy who was truly addicted, more than 10 years of addiction, suicidal thoughts, had to stop everything else because of a craving..
     
  10. runksoneck

    runksoneck New Member

    Pareto principle applied to reboot.

    Says that 20% of our actions represent 80% of our results.

    Applying that to rebooting, what was my 20% that represented 80% of my results (staying away from the cycle PMO) ->

    My 20% of actions that represents 80% of my results

    1- Not using PMO as an escape from my problems (anxiety, daily problems, big problems)
    2- Not using PMO to satisfy my healthy sexual need, so instead I use sex + M without P and without being as an escape too.

    MY 80% of actions that represents 20% of my results

    1- Going to the gym
    2- Meditating
    3- Having goals in life and working on them
    4- Taking care of myself, appearance
    5- Dieting
    6- Reading books and applying them
    7- Relaxing viewing movies, series
    8- Practicing guitar
    9- Going out with girls, friends

    These activities impact my result because elevates my self-esteem, gives me more a balanced life, so I don't need to escape from my reality to feel pleasure in PMO.

    We need to make it simple and understanding what is important gives us more results and consistency.
     
    niskanen91 likes this.
  11. runksoneck

    runksoneck New Member

    Don't let PMO and sex be your only options to deal with your healthy sexual desires.

    The problem is that your sexual desire will always be there, and until now you only have PMO and sex to satisfy your needs.

    What i saw from that perspective is that if I chose only sex as my mechanism to deal with my healthy sexual needs, i know that someday i would not have sex for weeks, maybe months. And in that occasion, I would try to hold my healthy sexual energy, but eventually, the desire would be so huge that every little thing (images, woman in street) would turn me extremely on, and probably I would PMO, because is the only mechanism left for me besides sex and that i had practiced for years.

    You can try to change your perspective about sex to try to see if your frequency decreases and you can hold on only with sex for your entire life.

    I know I can't, I can't be consistent with that, depending only on sex to deal with my healthy sexual desires. So that's why I added M without P and without escaping to my arsenal.

    So I know if for some reason I couldn't have sex for weeks or even a month, I can satisfy my healthy sexual desires with M.

    I know I can live that way for my entire life because is balanced, I will be not holding my sexual desires, ignoring them. If I don't have one, I have another option that isn't PMO.

    I prefer sex and M without P and without being an escape than to PMO.

    I don't have more urges now because I don't need more PMO to satisfy my healthy sexual desires, isn't more of an option for me. I have more healthy options.
     
  12. runksoneck

    runksoneck New Member



    Interesting things:

    - He used P to escape
    - Doesn't matter if you are rich or poor, black or white, you can be addicted. And probably someone close to you also has this problem.
    - He went to therapy and even rehab.
    - He had the courage to tell everyone about his situation.
     
  13. runksoneck

    runksoneck New Member

    P is our enemy, not M.

    Remove P and see what happens.

    You will only be addicted to M if even after you remove P, you use it to escape.
     
    niskanen91 likes this.
  14. runksoneck

    runksoneck New Member

    If you are addicted, why you need to stop it? Is affecting your relationships, your life, are you wasting time, energy with PMO? Do you have DE or PIED?

    - If you think it's okay to PMO, doesn't matter what I tell you, you won't change, you don't want, you don't think is relevant to your life.
    - If you think is hurting you or preventing you to be the best version of yourself, then chose a big why that is relevant to you, is to save your relationship? is to cure your DE or PIED? If you chose something that isn't really important to you, you will be missing something very important part.

    Your big why will be the fire to your motivation part, to why you will be doing this change.
     
  15. runksoneck

    runksoneck New Member

    What will you do to every problem that you are using PMO as a crutch?

    1- You will ignore it
    2- You accept the fact, and don't think is relevant
    3- You change your perception about the fact and turns out not to be a problem and that doesn't affect you anymore
    4- You will choose to change
     
  16. runksoneck

    runksoneck New Member

    How to cure PIED and DE

    What worked for me mainly is that I kept away from PMO.

    But i think what is also important and helped me is:

    - started practicing kegel exercises for man
    - changed my condom to a thinner one
    - reduced the pressure in M, (search for death grip if you pressure too hard)
    - started to be more present in S, instead of fantasizing while doing S.
     
  17. runksoneck

    runksoneck New Member

    HOW TO NOT HAVE MORE URGES

    Quote from Atomic Habits by James Clear about eliminating bad habits:

    ''Autocontrol is a strategy of short term, not long term. You are capable to resist some tentation once or twice but is impossible that you can have enough will to win all your desires every time. Instead of depending on a new dose of will every time you want to do something, your energy would be better spent if you try to optimize your ambient. This is the secret of auto control. Turn the stimulus of your good habits clear and of your bad ones, invisible.

    A more reliable approach to eliminate habits in the bud is to reduce your exposition to the stimulus that trigger them.''

    That is a life-changer concept.

    Relating that with my cure:

    - I don't have to depend on my will to beat PMO, I am not resisting temptation! I just turned my stimulus invisible! What stimulus? The stimulus that triggered my desire to PMO:

    - STIMULUS 1: holding my sexual energy or ignoring it for more than 2 weeks or trying to achieve 90 days without M and Sex, so I was so horny that PMO was so fck temptation.
    What did I do to turn that stimulus invisible?
    - I don't ignore my sexual energy and I do sex or M without escaping and without P.

    - STIMULUS 2: I was working with something that was so boring, I hated it, and would give me urges every day, I NEEDED PMO TO ESCAPE from that.
    What did I do to turn that stimulus invisible?
    - I QUITED that fcking job and went after something I like to do! And I fcking find it!

    - STIMULUS 3: I was so anxious about some problem that I needed PMO to feel better, to escape from that anxiety
    What did I do to turn that stimulus invisible?
    - I LEARNED how to deal with my fcking emotions! I know how to identify them. And I fcking attack the problem! I don't ignore it. I do what I can, what is my control! So I keep peace with my mind. I also meditate every fcking day 10 minutes. And I do therapy every fcking Thursday at 11:00 am. Result: I don't suffer from anxiety at a level that I need PMO to escape!

    - STIMULUS 4: I was in a relationship where I wasn't happy! So I needed PMO to escape, to feel better.
    What did I do to turn that stimulus invisible?
    - I tried to change the person, I tried to change me (about what is important to me in a relationship), but that fcking doesn't work! So we broke up!

    - STIMULUS 5: I had low self-esteem and couldn't have sex enough! Yes, it was scarce. So I needed PMO to escape from that scarcity state and to feel more confident.
    What did I do to turn that stimulus invisible?
    - I started to fcking develop my self (gym, courses, changing my career, diet, doing more things I like...)
    - And I downloaded tinder and started to date girls! Initially, it was a nightmare. But with time I started to date some girls and boom! It isn't more of a problem for me!

    So like I said, it is easy for me now because I don't need to fight against my urges, I don't need to resist my stimulus, I don't need to resist PMO! I fck attacked all them! Destroyed all of them! That is why I DON'T HAVE MORE URGES! From a guy who had urges EVERYDAY, who had to STOP EVERYTHING to PMO because the urges was so strong!

    It is EASY for me to stay away from the cycle/loop of P->M->O because I destroyed those stimuli!

    And if it is easy, you can be consistent.

    What do you need to do to not have more urges? Find these stimuli in your life and destroy them! Turn them invisible! Don't depend solely on your motivation, on your willpower to fight PMO, you will fail in the long run! ! Like I did for a long time.
     
  18. runksoneck

    runksoneck New Member

    Shame and blaming yourself

    I confess that I had a lot of shame and I blamed myself a lot because of my addiction. After all, it was my little evil secret that I couldn't tell others about but at the same time, I blamed myself for not being able to get out of that loop of PMO. Blamed my past, blamed my fathers for what was happening to me. So I was in another cycle, of blaming myself but not getting help, trying to do it all alone.

    Well, looking back now all that stuff happened mainly because I in fact had an addiction, but I changed my perspective about being a victim and not being responsible for my change. So even I was scared, with low self-esteem, I went after help. So I did find a therapist.

    And I am not saying that just going to a therapist will make you get out of addiction, is about your mentality to do ALL you can to beat that addiction. Is to try something different, if you are having the same results maybe you need to do something different. Realize how this addiction is affecting your life because when we are PMOing feels good and we forget that, but we are in a fcking cycle. Until the addiction doesn't bother you, you won`t change! After all, feel good. You got used to it. You got used to the nail in the ass, even is hurting you a little. You got used to it. Until when you will accept that?
     
  19. runksoneck

    runksoneck New Member

    Hope

    I have been in a place where I couldn't trust my own word.

    I had suicidal thoughts, had DE, PIED, social anxiety, low self-esteem, and was addicted.

    If I managed to get away from PMO, and reverse all these things, you can too.
     
  20. runksoneck

    runksoneck New Member

    Social Roles

    Each person in a given social status is expected to have certain responsibilities in the society. These expectations on people of a given social status, in terms of behavior, obligations, and rights are called ‘Social Roles’.

    I confess that for the most part of my life I acted on the expectations of my parents. I wasn't the rebel one and I hadn't the maturity and the strong personality to realize that. But isn't just with our parents. Society gives us a lot of roles for us to act on it, and if we aren't aware of this, especially at the moment we may start to accept that role, being compliant with that role.

    I had that clear talking with my therapist yesterday. And is something I will look out more carefully, because if deny ourselves over and over, we may need to escape sometime...
     

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