Out from a ditch

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Livetolive, Dec 30, 2018.

  1. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    In order to develop new habits, you'll have to be mindful in the beginning. Sometimes it's about not dwelling on the mistakes and just pressing forward.
     
  2. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    Not sure if it's just me but anyone that deals with people for a living. Are there days when you just don't wanna deal with people's crap? When you could just work on something just on your own and not have to deal with customers and all there nonsense...
     
  3. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    Inside each of us engaged in a battle there are two wolves the one that is strong noble and the other a rabid porn seeking monster that will slowly eat away at our very core....

    I'm sure we've all heard that ultimately the one who wins is the one we feed. Most of us have been feeding the bad wolf for so long that finding the right food for the good one seems almost impossible.

    Ultimately for the mind to truly recover it will need to refrain from PMO. In order to quell or weaken the urges you'll need to develop new and healthy habits.

    - Don't let social media be the first thing you look at in the morning.
    - be mindful of what you watch and look at. Alot of entertainment we see has small triggers inserted subtly in its content
    - even if habits you try to develop seem boring at first it's only because your reward system has screwed up so much that it thinks the only fun activity that exists is porn. I promise you when you pick up that instrument or those weights it will eventually be fun. You just gotta feel like crap for a while.
    - never underestimate the value of sleep.

    That's all I can think of for now...
     
    TrueSelf likes this.
  4. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    I've in a binge lately. Not viewing porn or anything but engaging in online sex chatting and voyeurism. I've even thought of hooking up with complete strangers on dating site and have come really close but pulling out halfway through the process.

    Which leads me to believe that at its core, pornography is a sex addiction. People know it's classified as such but most people don't understand that what that actually means.

    Dr Patrick Carnes once stated that "The best and healthiest sex is in the context of a relationship" or something like that. Which is probably why random hookups or paying a prostitute probably isn't the best way to go. At best the individual stops looking at porn and starts randomly hooking up with different women.

    It may sound like he's finally beaten it and he may even look like a hero to his peers until he gets married and finds himself dissatisfied with his partner and finds himself going back to porn or having and affair. The danger is that there would have been an unresolved issue, a sex addiction that has gone unnoticed.

    I think it's time we realized and consider that porn addiction isn't just a type of sex but rather porn addiction is a branch of an even deeper root. We need to deal with this issue as a whole and not just 'stop watching porn'.

    I'm no psychologist just a bunch of random thoughts that popped into my head. Plus I haven't been logging in a while.
     
    occams_razor likes this.
  5. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    About 9 hours since last relapse. Not sure if it's escalation or what not but I've stopped looking at porn and gone up to sexting with other people. I'm afraid of what it can escalate to next. Random hookups with strangers? Paying prostitutes?

    I've decided to journal here at least every Monday just as an accountability thing as well as my own personal journal.

    Beginning with this one.
     
  6. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    Kind of a late entry but I was able to abstain from my usual activities for at least three days. Going for double that one this week.
     
  7. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    Almost relapsed again last night... Was able to refrain but not to my own efforts. The girl I usually chat/sext with wasn't in the mood.

    Man... It's Its messed up that my brain thinks it's an actual relationship. Maybe it was for the best.
     
  8. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    I've learned to be mindful of what I watch. I've noticed that even regular programs glorify and set unrealistic expectations for sex and even relationships.

    Formula for Rom com movies/shows guy and girl minding their own business, Cath each others eyes guy says something clever (seriously the show may even depict the guy as a shy loner/loser but somehow he magically says the right things and all of a sudden he becomes a wordsmith around women) girl laughs they both have an amazing conversation.

    In reality, each person is a star of their own "show" or "movie". Combine those "shows" and you get noisy streets, more than one person talking at a time, people interrupting, two guys hitting on the same girl, girl trying to talk to a guy but he's too busy eyeing the girl across the street, this weird amalgamation of personalities and perspectives, completely chaotic. Simply put, you get life :)
     
  9. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    Been struggling to keep a good streak going depression and bouts of emptiness hit hard.

    All that's left is to keep going
     
  10. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    Today's seems like one of those days. Like everyone else here the road to recovery is a journey of many steps. But man, today each step feels like a mile...

    One thing I noticed about relapses is that everything you planned on doing and your routine you are trying to develop fall a part and the next 24 hours is dedicated to picking up the pieces. A little something to remind myself next time the temptation arrises.
     
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2020
  11. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    I've heard this talk on a podcast about addictions, your mind and willpower. It's futile to just willpower your way through this. Willpower is like a muscle no matter how strong you are your willpower WILL fatigue and give way. Just like the strongest bodybuilder or strong man competitor isn't going to bench press forever.

    I'm seeing more and more the importance of a structures program and working on different aspects of your life that give you tiny dopamine hits rather than just flat out obtaining from pmo.
     
  12. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    It's been awhile since my last post but a frequent relapsing and chaser effects have forced me to adopt a strategy to overcoming this addiction.

    First I need to develop a routine so that I don't find myself idle. Now is essentially more important due to this whole covid19 pandemic. It's good to find something productive to do around the house.

    The next step is to lay low on dating sites and online chats as I've developed a whole new addiction to sexting. It may be with real women but the effect is the same in that you both become each others 'porn'.

    I'll be journalling at least once a week as a kind of accountability thing just to report my progress.
     
    TrueSelf likes this.
  13. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    Just checking in...

    The past week has been rough. Not sure if it's loneliness or my brain needing a dopamine hit but I found myself on dating sites again which in turn led to a few relapses. Good news is however my progress in March was much better February.

    Things I'm going to do to better my chances are actually writing out my routine. Even if you have it in your head there's a certain effect to actually writing things down. I'll post them here tomorrow.
     
  14. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    Late post but here's a routine I've come up with so far. The timing may change once this whole covid19 settles and I'm back at my regular gym:

    6:00am: wake up (daily devotion, prayer)

    7:00am: morning workout at home
    8:00am: breakfast (prep for work if applicable)

    8:50am: work/begin my day

    Night:

    10:00pm: read a scripture verse or two (evening prayer before bed)

    10:30pm: bed

    I guess that's it for now. I'll be checking back in Wednesday next week.
     
  15. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    Checking in again. Either it's loneliness or my brain graving a dopamine hit but I've been screwing up a lot this week...

    This quarantine doesn't exactly help either....
     
  16. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    Checking in again... I know it's late but I had to sign in and log my progress...

    It seems like I've fallen into the trap of the chaser... And I can't seem to shake it... Being trapped at home due to this covid19 doesn't help... I'm gonna look at other logs to see what other people are doing..
     
  17. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    Sorry for the late post... Checking in again. Rather than seeing how long I could go without relapsing I'm gauging myself more so on how many times I pmo'd. Proud to say that this last few days (wed-wed) went better than the others.
     
  18. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    Just checking in again... Been a tough week so far. I've decided to stay away from IG for a week in hopes to quell any future would be relapses.

    Just learning how to deal with life's challenges (including boredom) with normal pleasures of life: working out, reading a book, normal hobbies that don't involve compulsively looking at attractive women. Even if the post is nothing sexual in nature I find that a porn addicted mind will drift in that direction. Anyhow heading to work now.
     
  19. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    Late post.... But things are going well. Victory comes after the fight...
     
  20. Glad to hear you’re doing well. IG can definitely be a weak spot for a lot of us. I don’t do any social media myself cause it either leads me to PMO or makes me waste my time with mindless scrolling. Stay strong brother!
     

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