Out from a ditch

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Livetolive, Dec 30, 2018.

  1. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    I've come to realize something critical about this journey. It's not about the streak, it's about the battles in between...
     
    Merton likes this.
  2. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    I've had a bit of a relapse last night was about to masturbate. I don't know how but I managed to stop before pmoing completely. Although it was technically a relapse, I'll take any small victory and learn from them.
     
  3. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    Wow.... Urges, and images are hitting me like a stampede. My mind has been engaged in an "epic" battle these past few days. Mental exhaustion is kicking in. Worried that I may not have the mental strength to last through the day .

    Nevertheless I will stay steadfast...
     
    Gilgamesh likes this.
  4. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    Porn uses the power of your own intellect against you. The imagination bent to its whims, the creativity that you are capable of. I know this from experience. The greater the intellectual capacity and imagination the greater the threat.

    I am no sense bragging about my own intellect and the realization of such capacity is only because of the sick and twisted scenarios and amalgamations my imagination fantasizes. Faces of some porn stars on different bodies.

    I shutter to think of exceptionally gifted artists and craftsmen who have this problem and the sort of fantasies they have lurking in the recesses of their mind....
     
  5. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    Well... Relapse again... At least I made it through the whole week. Gotta be more mindful of the fact that my mind actually actively looking for triggers...

    Time to get back on track again
     
  6. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    They say that your brain gets to a point where it believes it needs the dopamine hit from either PMO, drugs or other behaviours in order to survive. Never really understood that until now.

    It's a similar feeling to hunger. I mean real hunger the type where you actually feel your body weakening.

    I've seen posts about being lonely and needing a relationship to ease the pain. I have theory that as a porn addict your brain has been used to thinking about sex 24/7 and the fact that you aren't getting any at the moment makes you feel lonely. Much like a compulsive eater who weighs 400 lbs believes if they miss 2 meals they'll starve to death despite people having been known to live off of just water for a week. It's not to say there aren't genuinely lonely people out there.

    Bottom line is.... Your probably not as bad with women as you think you are just stop thinking about sex all the dam time
     
  7. fappedoff

    fappedoff Member

    I think you hit the nail on the head with this! Its very true! Such a hard cycle to break.
     
  8. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    Relapsed a couple of days back... Got too full of myself. One thing I learned is to never underestimate the power of a trigger. Even if you've been clean for a year it only takes one trigger even if it's not right away. It will burrow deep into your mind and you'll start to be looking for more triggers until eventually you give in.

    Best thing to do when you notice a trigger. Run in the opposite direction as fast as you can.
     
  9. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    Although they say that relapse doesn't really set you back it does however kill your momentum. And every thought or trigger that you let linger in your mind is you slowly slipping down from your upward climb. Always be mindful of where you are in your progress.
     
  10. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    Is there someone way I can silence my mind and my heart for just a moment? To be without thought or feeling to just be in the quiet.

    Just to still the heart and quiet the mind, just to find rest...
     
    Gilgamesh likes this.
  11. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    Today I bought my father a chess board to go with his handcrafted chess pieces. I looked forward to his reaction all week.

    Remember to take the time to enjoy legitimate pleasures. It will serve as both an indication that your mind is in fact healing and a salve to a heart and mind that has been thoroughly broken.
     
  12. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    That is a very good question. I guess there are many things that can do that. Both healthy ones and unhealthy ones. I guess it is all temporarily. We can get better at it I think, but I am afraid that we will always have perids of turbulence which we just have to sit out.
     

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