It's been a a few months, no a year.. what does it matter. I haven't posted since asas lo as I can remember. The past few weeks feel like a blur. Not anything hazy or vague but feels like it's gone by almost instantly. I've relapsed over and over again. No not simply viewing pornography but something worse. It feels weird like waking up from a drunken stuper only much worse. I could describe it as watching myself spiral into self destruction. I knew it was happening I wanted to stop it but I couldn't. I suppose I should start with a trigger warning since I'm going to go into detail just a little bit. I've indulged in voyeurism a lot in my recent relapsed. The power the performer had over the veiwer, I wanted that... It happened so fast. I recalled in my past indulgences men, who would be undressed in front of random women whether it be omeagle or Skype. They would tantalize, tease almost like sorcery. It's no different than what cam models do however there is no monetary benefit just pure...pleasure. I started with a few pics, my face hidden of course. Then the messages came, begging for more. I obliged of course. Enveloping them in a tantilizing spell. This went on for weeks until my senses returned to me. Some of these women professionals, who you'd never think twice would ever even think or say some of the things they said. The lust, the desperation. Too often are we quick to underestimate the power of the fallen human nature. The horror of the realization that what I had done, what I had become to my captive audience. I had become the enemy I was trying to overcome. The power I felt when I revealed myself to these women was insatiable...demonic. Demonic possession? Actually No there's no need to possess someone collapsing and spiraling into self destruction. What good would an invading force be to a city rending itself apart? They would by default, become pillagers instead. I shudder to think the long term effects of what I had done... To become the monster or part of the monster this forum stands in opposition to. I write this now not to garner sympathy or a pat on the back. I write this now to face what I've become. And encourage those who read this to take head lest you fall. You are here to overcome sexual addiction, not just simply refraining yourself from an indecent act for a period of time society deems acceptable.