Today I decided to create a journal. I am 30 years old and have used PMO daily since I was in my early teens. I have experienced ED in most of the sexual situations with women that I have found myself in over the years, including with women that I was attracted to. My first experience of this was in my early 20s, after nearly a decade of PMO. This has been confusing and deeply embarrassing and has left me feeling badly about myself and my prospects of finding a loving relationship. Little blue pills were a crutch, and I used these with a girlfriend that I had in 2012. We separated when I moved for work, and now that I would like to find a new relationship I am discouraged from trying by the ED experiences of the past. I was so happy to find this website, the "Your Brain on Porn" website, and that there is a connection between pornography use and ED. Outside of the PMO and the resulting absence of real intimacy, my life is pretty good. But, the past few months have not been so good as I've become more and more anxious about the possibility that I won't have the courage to start a relationship knowing that I may not be able to perform sexually. I still have many questions, and I know that it will not be easy to put PMO behind me after so many years, but I am most grateful that there is a community of people who are overcoming this obstacle to having a full life. I have been PMO free for the past couple of days, and I'm looking forward to documenting how things change as more time passes!