onesea's journey

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by onesea, May 14, 2015.

  1. onesea

    onesea Active Member

    Had a good weekend Newman. I'm super busy with a move so I don't know how much I will be on here in a few weeks. I'll be here until then. We just now found something a couple of weeks ago and we are soon to be settled.

    Running is one of my ways of healing myself, calming myself and staying in shape.

    No good books these days. Once I settle into my new house I will get back into all the things I do day-to-day. I do need a good read about psychology, spirituality or the like.

    onesea
     
  2. Newman8888

    Newman8888 The wound is the place where the Light enters you

    Hi Onesea. I'm glad to read that you're doing well and have found what works for you. As I wrote earlier, while running isn't a viable option for me, I have noticed that getting a good workout, sweating a lot while doing so, is critical to keeping me grounded and balanced.

    I'm sure that moving into a new place will keep you busy for quite some time. Busy is good as long as it's not too busy. You know what I mean.

    I understand that you may not post on YBR for some time for the reasons you mentioned. I appreciate you letting me know because you're often in my thoughts, dear friend.

    I'm just grateful to see you here in whatever capacity that works for you. Take good care, Onesea.
     
  3. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    So glad you are keeping busy and doing well Onesea!
     
  4. onesea

    onesea Active Member

    fcjl8,Newman - I'm doing just fine right now. Most of my time is spent on my house move. My wife is off for a couple of weeks and we are spending all our time working on our new place. It's a good place to be instead of inside of my own head. I'll get on here when I get some privacy, some time and a new internet connection at the new house. Until then.....

    onsea
     
    Newman8888 likes this.
  5. Newman8888

    Newman8888 The wound is the place where the Light enters you

    Hey Onesea. I'm glad that you're keeping busy and attending to yourself in whatever way serves you. I'm finding that self-care for lack of a better word, is critical in staying off the beaten path, so to speak. If the self-care goes, in comes the tugs for relief and distraction. While some of that will always visit us, it's never good to give it much breathing room. Be well my friend.
     
  6. onesea

    onesea Active Member

    Well I'm back. The almost two months I have been away has been spent moving, remodeling and trying to settle into our new home. I have had many moments where I have been so involved and distracted with what I have been doing with the house that I have not thought about the issues I have. At other times I have felt weak and close to falling apart. One of those is now. During our move, our pet cat, all 20 years of her got even sicker than before. Yes it's just a cat but for me she has saved my life a couple of times when I have gotten depressed. Crazy yes, but reality. She passed away Monday, something I was not ready for. I was with this other being longer than I have been with my wife. My wife was also attached to this cat so both of us are hurting. We will get over it in time and move on with another pet, possibly a dog. Outside of grieving I am finishing up a lot of what is required of moving into a new house. I fear not having as much to do and falling back on my bad habits. I need to really focus on meditation, exercise and reconnecting with my wife. The move and the cat created a lot of stress between us and jointly for us. We need healing time from both of these stresses and I need even more privately. I'll be on more now that I have reconnected with you guys. Hope all is well and I'll try and catch up.
     
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  7. Newman8888

    Newman8888 The wound is the place where the Light enters you

    Hi Onesea. You've been in my thoughts, dear friend. I'm glad to see your journal entry here again. The loss of your cat of 20 years is not unlike losing a person. You have every right to experience grief, loss. It's understandable and speaks to the goodness of your heart.

    It sounds like after a stressful two months, you're beginning to settle into the normal flow of life, with it's inevitable ups and downs. Having a structure to every day living is essential, as you suggested. Just wanted to say that it's good to hear from you again. I'm looking forward to hearing more from you.
     
    Billy B. likes this.
  8. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Yeah, man. You've done very well to stay clean through all of that stress. Hopefully things will begin to settle down now, soon. Posi-vibes to ya, Bro.
     
  9. onesea

    onesea Active Member

    Newman,

    That is what I keep telling myself. It is okay for me to grieve. All of our pets are like family members and it hurts whether it is a cat, a dog or any other animal we become bonded with. My biggest issue with this is that it comes in the middle of a huge change like our move and I was unprepared to lose her that day. A checkup with a new vet turned into a vet telling me she was too sick to carry on. There is the usual guilt of losing a pet, the loneliness of it afterwards and the memories. Twenty years is over a third of my life and a long time to have a pet around. I haven't been married to my wife that long.

    Structure to my day will be getting harder as I finish working on the house. I am beginning to assess what I need to do to get back to work because that is my option going forward. Today is very rough because I am not sleeping well again and neither is my wife. We have not emotionally settled into our new home yet, the commute is longer but more beautiful and relaxing, and it is just a change we both have adapt to. Losing our cat weighs on both of us. My wife knows I need structure to my days like she has and is being wonderful about all of this. Don't know what I would do without her. She has been my angel and I have been hers throughout this past year.

    Billy B thanks and I too hope things will settle down. The stress right now is different than it was before we moved. This stress involves a real feeling of loneliness and I know that can be dangerous. I hope you are doing well and intend to start following all of you again.

    onesea
     
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  10. Newman8888

    Newman8888 The wound is the place where the Light enters you

    Hi Onesea. Do you have plans to get back into work life again? I met with a friend last weekend who decided to take early retirement. He hasn't been able to find a job in his field after he was fired 4 years ago. He is finally calling it quits. No more job searches. His wife is still working. I encouraged him to structure his days.

    If I didn't have a job to go to, I would have to drive the same. I think the key is finding something that you enjoy doing. Meditation and exercise help me to feel grounded. All the best.
     
    Billy B. likes this.
  11. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Hey, Onesea. Sorry to hear about your cat. Wow, but 20 years though! That is some kind of great gift that was bestowed upon you. Ive never had a pet live even close to that long.

    I agree with Newman that some kind of structure to a day is a good thing. I've never been a very structured person and so I was careful at the beginning of this journey not to place an unrealistic expectation on myself of suddenly being able to adhere to an organized day. I had, and still have, so many undone jobs around the house and this is where I started. Everyday I did a job or two, which in and of itself began to organize my day in an organic way, if you will. We also have to eventually do something each day that is just for us. That could be a walk, playing guitar, writing a journal entry, baking, or what have you. In other words: "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." Not dull to others, but rather dull to ourselves. Of late I've been doing something each day that fills me up. Even though I have a crackly voice full of too much air I love to sing. No one else likes to hear me, so I go down into my basement and sing with a few of my old records. Sitting on an old sofa, scotch in hand, while listening to Nat King Cole fills me up the way nothing else can. Really, there are many days now where I prefer that to sex or thinking about sex. Geez, I think I'm finally evolving.
     
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  12. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    :)!!!
     
  13. Newman8888

    Newman8888 The wound is the place where the Light enters you

    This rings true in every way. I must admit that doing something for me that I enjoy, that doesn't feel like work or an obligation, but more like leisurely play, is difficult. Your words, Saville, reminds me of what I know is right and healthy for me. Your motto, if I may paraphrase you, to love and take care of yourself first, is something all nice guys need to work on.
     
    Billy B. likes this.
  14. onesea

    onesea Active Member

    Sorry for the long delay. I still find myself getting too busy working on the house.

    Newman - yeah I have thought of early retirement but I don't think I could pull that off. My situation sounds very similar to your friends. My field is also one in which I am having issues finding work especially since I am considered ancient in my field. But I want to try again sometime soon. I also want ot get to a point where my wife can take a break.
     
  15. onesea

    onesea Active Member

    Saville, yeah she was an old cat. I was attached to her as a friend who saw me through some really dark times. A dog would have done the same but a cat is who came into my life. She was an old soul when I got her and so I miss her. We both do. But 20 years a good life for any pet so I know she at peace.

    Anyhow, my structure has been to work on this new house my wife and I moved into. I am getting to the point where my projects are getting completed, the finances are getting settled, and household items are being bought. At some point there will not be as much to do. It's then I need a bit more structure and that time is coming soon. There have been some down times where I think too much about some of the stress and sorry in my life. My parents are now sick and old and that is also weighing on me. When I think too much I sometimes feel the need for relief. I've been lucky to be able to exercise and stay busy enough. But the urge persists.

    Like you, doing something for myself everyday is necessary. I need to be more motivated to try some new things now that I live in a more peaceful place. Taking up art again is an idea I have toyed with since I now have the room to do so. That's funny about your singing and I'm glad you feel free enough to do so. I hate my voice and don't like to sing unless I know no one is around. Your description of sitting in the basement with scotch and music and an old couch are wonderful. It does indeed sound better than sex right now.
     
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  16. onesea

    onesea Active Member

    The best medicine for staying away from porn is to be busy, productive, observant of self and content. That doesn't stop the thinking about it but it keeps a person engaged in other activities that are better for us.
     
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  17. onesea

    onesea Active Member

    I find myself regaining some of my balance after a year of stress and change. The unemployment, bad neighbor issues, moving away, depression, health issues with family members, a pet death, and relationships in flux have all been a lot to face. However I feel like my being is attaining peace and contentment with where I am in my life. Meditation, more time spent on here, better sleep, volunteerism, better eating and exercising will keep me on that path. Forward ......
     
    Saville likes this.
  18. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Love it! :)
     
  19. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Bloody Brilliant, well done.
     
  20. onesea

    onesea Active Member

    Its been months since I've been here. I've been sick and injured and focused on other things outside of my control. And I've been staying busy working on our house. But besides that I have often thought of this site and neglected coming here and participating. I just haven't had a lot to say so I have just read what others have to say, not commenting at all.

    My urges are here and there and everywhere but somehow I carry on without any slip. It takes too much energy most of the time and seems to be taking more out of me. As a result I am meditating more and more. And now that I am healthy again, I can exercise more.
     
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