onesea's journey

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by onesea, May 14, 2015.

  1. Newman8888

    Newman8888 The wound is the place where the Light enters you

    It's good to have you back, my friend. You've been missed.
     
  2. onesea

    onesea Active Member

    Just wrote so much on your journal I'm out of words. That happens!
     
  3. Newman8888

    Newman8888 The wound is the place where the Light enters you

    Hi Onesea. You haven't posted here for a while but I want you to know that you're in my thoughts, dear friend. I haven't posted either. I'm doing reasonably well at the moment. I hope this message finds you well. Newman.
     
  4. onesea

    onesea Active Member

    I've mainly been reading other's stories and responding there. Things are actually slow for me after all that I went through last year with the house situation. Still getting my bearings and learning more about myself every day. It's good to go slow, but I feel boredom setting in soon. One thing that is slow that I am sometimes thankful is this damn internet connection. We are renting at this time while looking for a house. We are on someone else's internet connection and it sucks. I actually need it for somethings but it's good it is so slow as to not tempt me. Hah!

    I had noticed you hadn't posted much either. It is good to see you are doing well too.

    I'll write more soon about why we are all here.
     
  5. Newman8888

    Newman8888 The wound is the place where the Light enters you

    I haven't posted here for a long time. I do pop in from time to time to read posts here. I don't feel that I have much to say at the moment. So, as to keep on track, I use a spreadsheet. I had a cancer scare and the remodeling project that was supposed to be finished at the end of November is still incomplete. It brought up a lot of frustration and a sense of nothing being in control. However, as everything else, it ended up being a lesson of sorts. Boredom can be a trigger for sure, so I hope that you'll manage what comes your way, Onesea. I may resume more frequent journal entries here, or not. You're often in my thoughts and I feel a kinship as we started out on this journey together. I'm looking forward to seeing your next post. Be well my friend.

    Newman
     
  6. Loleekins

    Loleekins Nemo repente fuit turpissimus

    Onesea and Newman,

    I couldn't see Newman's journal, so I'm tagging Onesea's for the both of you. Been a while, guys. :)

    Thought I'd touch base with you both as I find you drifting in and out of my thoughts lately. I hope you're both doing well and this note finds you well on your way to all the contentment you can handle. :)

    Best to you guys.
     
  7. Newman8888

    Newman8888 The wound is the place where the Light enters you

    Loleekins,

    It's so good to hear from you. It really is. I'm wondering about you from time to time as well. It's funny, interesting how we can make these heartfelt, sincere connections in this world of anonymity. You always provided such good, moral support. I can honestly say that I have missed you, my friend. I hope you are well in every way.

    I haven't posted for some time. I do check in and read others' posts though. I just haven't felt that I had much to say, to share at the moment. I think this may change as I've seen some guys take a hiatus from journal-writing and then come back. I'm doing relatively well but haven't been able to go completely "clean" if that's the right expression. I'm seeing that it's not about the P but about other aspects of my life, my relationship, my job, the way I see myself, think of myself. Some of these things are deeply personal, so much so that I don't know if this is the right forum to share them. I don't know. Maybe.

    Anyway, my heart skipped a beat when I "saw" you here. You're a gem, Loleekins. Never going to forget your motto: "Nemo repente fuit turpissimus." Bless you heart. Newman
     
  8. onesea

    onesea Active Member

    Hello to both of you, Newman and Loleekins,

    I have missed you too Loleekins. I thought you had left this place, but glad to see you see you around.

    My absence recently has been from being sick, house hunting and just not having as much to say, just like Newman. I feel as though last summer and and fall I was so stressed and things were so off-kilter that my head became like a leaking balloon where I began releasing all that stress/air once I moved out of my home. I'm still decompressing and getting my bearings. As for the old issues we all deal with on here, I have my moments but I am getting better in that arena too. I notice now that I actually feel a bit bored with the subject because I realize how little it adds to life, how little I think of it most of the time and how wasteful it is. My issues also arise when things get stressful in life in any way.

    Anyhow I am back for today and hopefully more. After being sick for a month my energy is coming back. A flu takes a lot out of you.

    onesea

     
  9. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Don't be a stranger.
     
  10. onesea

    onesea Active Member

    Agreed Billy. Things are going well enough that I forget to come here more often. My internet access is spotty and so I don't spend as much time online. In some ways that is a blessing. Anyhow...

    I have come a long way from this time last year when stress, anxiety, fear and depression made my situation worse and got me to this site more often. Many of my emotional issues are being managed by me in a better way. Sure there is still a day or two where my anxiety takes control of me and I have to work through it so I don't fall back on pmo or anything close to it.

    Any time I get distance from the pmo I realize so many things about it. As of late I thing one of the biggest things I can say by looking at it objectively is what a waste of time it is in anyone's life. If I had spent all the time I did with pmo more wisely I could have been more creative, skilled and balanced than I am now. I won't feel shame about how I am not at that spot right now. I just want to see that fact without judgement. It just is.

    onesea
     
    Billy B. likes this.
  11. Newman8888

    Newman8888 The wound is the place where the Light enters you

    Hi Onesea,

    Sounds like you're doing well, generally speaking. Not having access to the internet like you used to is probably a good thing. Since we started this journey at roughly the same time, I feel a special kinship with you. I'm reading posts here 4-5 days a week. I have re-read some of my early posts in my journal, which I found really helpful. I was sincere and focused. This addiction is easy to underestimate, not take seriously enough. It requires devotion, dedication, commitment. More than anything, it has to be the first and foremost priority, at least initially but probably for always. Like many have said here over and over again, quitting PMO is not enough. It requires a change of attitudes, habits, life style even.

    I hope this finds you well, Onesea. All the best to you. Newman
     
    Billy B. likes this.
  12. onesea

    onesea Active Member

    Hey Newman,

    Been really sick with a series of colds. We need to find a house soon so I can find a better balance with my health, both mental and physical. I know the internet is spotty here but I also need it as much as it isn't always good for me. I'm unable to take on any projects or do any learning since the internet is not dependable. Oh well. This is temporary.

    Yeah this addiction is very easy to underestimate. Most addiction are. This one more so since we don't have any obvious physical fall out from the addiction. Some of us do but most of us don't. No hangovers, sores, bad hair, abscesses, rotten livers or other such things. So I think it is easy to overlook the seriousness. This is truly a mental, emotional and behavioral addiction. I admit I am lacking the commitment part of tackling this addiction but I am also thwarted by own circumstances of not being able to much about fulfilling the addiction. I thought when I moved that I would gain some of my sanity and balance back. I did, but I then traded it out for different insanity and imbalance. I need my anchor back.

    Talk to you soon
    onesea
     
  13. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    I hope you can feel better soon, Onesea.
     
  14. Newman8888

    Newman8888 The wound is the place where the Light enters you

    Hi Onesea. As you may know, this forum was down for some time and for a while I wasn't sure it would come back up again. I was thinking for a while that it would not be back again. Sounds like your internet connection is spotty so you may or may not be aware of this. I'm sorry to hear of your ongoing challenges, physically and mentally. How are you managing your P addiction? It would be good to see you back here on the forum more but I understand that it may take a while before you find a new house to settle into and all. In my experience, this addiction requires continuous vigilance and commitment, which can be difficult over the long haul. I hope that by the time you're reading this message that your colds are gone and you're feeling better.
     
  15. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Yeah, man. Thinkin' of ya.
     
  16. onesea

    onesea Active Member

    Newman - Yes I saw it was down and wondered what happened. I'll check out the admin section and find out why. Yes my internet connection is spotty. I don't own the router where we are staying and don't want to ask our landlord to fix it.

    My P addiction is fine but my mind wanders right now when I get frustrated. A lot of the house hunting and the feeling of being rootless don't help me all that much. Given that my internet is sketchy I luckily don't have the same P outlet I used to. I do find over the last couple of weeks that I almost never think about the P or looking for it. I guess I'm getting some balance back.

    And yes my colds are gone. Three is enough in that short time.

    Billy - thanks for thinking of me.

    os
     
  17. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Mostly good news, mate. I'm glad you're feeling better and wish you good best of luck with the house hunt: it can be challenging, I know.


    Posi-vibes to you, Bro.
     
  18. Newman8888

    Newman8888 The wound is the place where the Light enters you

    I'm glad to hear that you're able to refrain from P in the midst of the challenges that you're having, Onesea. It sounds like you have yet find your footing, so to speak. At least you're not caving into P. Keep strong my friend.
     
  19. onesea

    onesea Active Member

    Hey bud, I wrote a bit on your journal about a few things. Like I said there, I am learning a lot about recognizing that moment my thinking goes off kilter. Staying with that moment helps me learn from it and about it. I am by no means going smoothly right now but I'm moving in the right direction. Still. So are you.

    Hopefully I can be on here much more. I think a few of the technical issues are getting resolved right now so my internet connection my stay stable.

    os
     
    Billy B. likes this.
  20. Newman8888

    Newman8888 The wound is the place where the Light enters you

    Hey, Onesea. Since we started this journey around the same time and shared our experiences of our trials and tribulations, I feel a strong a bond with you and I'm glad to hear that you're getting a better internet connection. I'm also pleased to see how you're handling fantasies, recognizing when they show up, and self-correct, restore balance. Wishing you strength, always.
     

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