onesea's journey

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by onesea, May 14, 2015.

  1. onesea

    onesea Active Member

    Working out is one of the best things I can do for myself. I'll be doing that until I can't anymore. And then I will find something like it that helps.

    As for the move, it is a slow process and it needs to faster. I just don't like being made to move and that is what this feels like. Just because I have crappy neighbors, is it on my wife and I to move in order to find peace? I'm struggling with that idea right now. But I do know it taking a toll on us and we need to do something. And it sure doesn't help my urges. When things are bad next door, I get real stressed out.

    onesea
     
  2. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Having to sell your house because your neighbor sucks shit is awful. Guns being flashed is awful, too, and so you def need to tread carefully. I have no wisdom, but I hope it all works out. Having to move seems extreme, but you don't want you or wife in mortal danger, either. Oy! :-\
     
  3. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    Young white males flashing assault rifles in a school dorm? That's a tragedy waiting to happen.
     
  4. Arizona

    Arizona All answers can be found within

    You're not forced. You wish to move. Emphasize your power to play with the currents of life, instead of seeing yourself moved by the forces of life.
    It is hard to see beyond the things life throws you as unfair. It is merely life however. Some people loose a leg in a car accident, some die of disease, some drown in porn, you have lousy neighbors. It is 'unfair'.
    But holding back because of it, is a choice that will only stagnate your own happiness.

    Maybe moving can soon, easily become a step in life in where you will find your strength again. Simply by experiencing it as living life, instead of stuff that must be done.
    Take care One sea.
     
  5. Newman8888

    Newman8888 The wound is the place where the Light enters you

    Onesea,

    Arizona put it so beautifully and eloquently that I don't have much to add. I understand your resistance. I can easily imagine that I would feel something similar in your situation. I love this quote that I'm borrowing from a spiritual teacher: "life doesn't happen to you, but life happens for you" or alternatively, "reality is always kinder than our story of it." There are no guarantees of course, but maybe in the big scheme of things, maybe moving will turn out to be a blessing in disguise. No way of knowing of course and I admit that it's easier to write of these things that living them where you're smack in the middle of them. I just hope that the decision will be birthed in its own time. All the best. Newman
     
  6. onesea

    onesea Active Member

    Arizona,

    First, I've been on vacation for 2 weeks so sorry for the slow response.

    I think your point about finding my strength again in moving might be what I need to concentrate on. I do feel forced despite the idea that I want to see it differently. I know what you mean but I don't feel it when I sit in my house and hear loud partying 3-5 days a week and knowing that I must make a decision to find my peace elsewhere. There is an option to eventually get rid of these guys so with that option fulfilled I feel like I can also stay. To move means I was forced into the other option. BUT, I get it. This is what life has put in front of me and I need to go with it. A move will probably be better in the long run and this is the event that pushes me there.

    Newman

    I too see the truth in those quotes. I don't always feel it inside. My greatest resistance to all of this is the actual logistics of moving after being in a home for 20 years. We are so rooted and this will be a huge change. It might be our last move. I just dislike that I feel like I couldn't make that move of my own volition WHEN I wanted to do so. But I will do it how I want to and it will come out okay.

    Hope all are doing okay
    os
     
  7. onesea

    onesea Active Member

    As I continue to be observant during my healing, I notice how easily stress can short circuit my brain and send me scurrying for relief. I'm noticing this and working with this information, trying to slow down that process that short circuits my brain. That is one place I need improvement and I'm learning. It will go a long way towards maintaining all the good progress I have made.

    onesea
     
  8. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I feel this is important. At the beginning of my no-P journey I began to slow everything down, even my movements. Whenever I'm getting frustrated I purposely walk slower, reach for something more slowly, etc. I've always seen myself as a bit lethargic, so I always believed I should speed things up, if anything. However, it has been allowing purposefulness into my routines that has allowed me, in part, to stay away from watching P.
     
  9. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    The stress circuits are wired right into the reward ones...managing stress is such a big part of recovery. I understand.
     
  10. Newman8888

    Newman8888 The wound is the place where the Light enters you

    Hey Onesea.

    I've been away from YBR for some time. I just posted a journal entry today. I looked at some of my early posts this morning. Noticing how grateful I am for having friends and fellow journeymen here on YBR. I continually struggle with wanting to fully give up YouTube watching. Some part of me is unwilling to completely let it go. Best thing for me to do when this happens is simply to stay away from my PC. Not a long-term strategy but it helps in the moment.

    I hope you're having a good summer and that the problems with your neighbors are working themselves out. All the best, my friend. Newman
    P.S. I've just started reading "The Biology of Desire" and so far I'm finding it a very good read.
     
  11. onesea

    onesea Active Member

    I responded on your journal about what you are talking about.

    No the neighbors are not working out. In fact I just spoke our police officer that handles this and he will be trying to do yet one more thing. So we are moving.

    I liked that book and I tend to agree with it. However it feels hard at this time to accept the premise since it basically means some of this is biology and that I need to work harder to be at peace with my habits.

    later
    onesea
     
  12. onesea

    onesea Active Member

    Haven't been here in weeks but I've had a great distraction to keep me from possibly slipping or not. We are moving and as anyone knows that can be all consuming and it has been. I don't feel the type of stress that makes me seek relief. However, the situation I had with neighbors has caused me some stress and I have had to handle that. In fact I handled it enough to confront the latest trouble my neighbors caused the neighborhood. I was calm enough and assertive enough to confront all the right people that could affect change and I'm happy to report it worked. The dorm is gonna close and no one will be bothered by these crazies anymore. What relief. Now onto working on myself a bit better.

    onesea
     
  13. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    It's been a trial for you, for sure, but sounds like things are starting to look up!! :)
     
  14. Newman8888

    Newman8888 The wound is the place where the Light enters you

    Hi Onesea.

    I have also been absent from this forum for quite some time. I returned from some family visits and didn't want to return to the forum right away. It seems like life is unfolding for you in a way that you feel good about. My counter that does not reflect how I am doing and will address that more in my own journal momentarily. I just wanted to say "hi" for now and I hope that the move is going well. Be well, my friend.
     
  15. onesea

    onesea Active Member

    Hey Newman

    I'm not on here much because I seem to be thinking of only one thing - the house. What I have to do and how to get it ready. I'm still having issues with urges when I get frustrated with the packing, the repairs and the like and it is trying on my mind and soul. One good thing is that we will be staying in a rental soon as we look for a house. I'll be using someone else's internet and I dare not search for anything I should not. I will have to take a break. It is at that time I need to relax and work on myself.

    I will say that my biggest stressor also pushed me over the edge. My neighbors pushed things too far and I went on the warpath as a result. I went way over everyone's head I been talking to and it worked. I have now managed to close the dorm down and they are starting to go away, getting evicted one or two at a time. They will be completely gone soon. I guess since we are still moving this is my gift to the neighborhood.

    As I finish up repairing my house I will try and be on here more. I need to be.

    onesea
     
  16. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Good for you, onesea.
     
  17. Newman8888

    Newman8888 The wound is the place where the Light enters you

    Hey Onesea.

    I figured that the house situation was an all-consuming thing. I salute you for standing up for what felt right and seeing to it that the trouble-makers get evicted. Everything ebbs and flows, including the use of this forum. I was reading "The Biology of Desire" before I got pulled away by the work on the house and found it very insightful and helpful. Of course, no book will actually do the work for you. Detaching from the addiction, if that's the right term, will have to come through brutal honesty, grit and determination. I wish you well on the pending move, Onesea. All the best. Newman.
     
  18. onesea

    onesea Active Member

    Newman and others,

    I'm back from a home remodeling induced hiatus. Ugh. Nine weeks of that crap and the house is finally sold. Throughout this time it has been a huge distraction and it has kept from this site and other needed outlets. I haven't exercise as much because I have beat myself to death doing so much manual labor. I've slept poorly because I've been awake thinking of what else I had to do at the house. And so it goes. In between it all I've had urges because the stress of the house remodel and sale and now moving out. Good days and so-so days when it comes to the urges but I'm muddling through. Now I'm back and want to devote the coming weeks to taking care of my body, mind and spirit.

    Onesea
     
  19. Newman8888

    Newman8888 The wound is the place where the Light enters you

    Hi Onesea.

    It's great to have you back. I have missed you, my friend. I totally get it about the remodel and stress. I've been going through and still am going through some of that at the moment. I like what you wrote about devoting yourself to taking care of your body, mind and spirit. Self-neglect, not attending to one's innermost needs, what enlivens the heart, spirit always comes at a cost, it seems. Looking forward to reading your posts. All the best. Newman
     
  20. onesea

    onesea Active Member

    And now I am back from another hiatus. I guess all that work I did on the house took a toll on my body. I have been sick for weeks now and I'm just now getting better. I tried to start taking care of the body but it didn't cooperate. And I need to work on the mind after the week's events. Enough said.

    Feeling pretty low right now so I just need to work on me. My former stressors are gone but now there are new ones. Not as bad but enough to affect me. Meditation everyday is what I need starting the second my heinous cold is gone.

    -os
     

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