This is the third time I start a journal here. I'm 34, M-addict since the first time I discovered my dick, P-addict since the age of 12. Started smoking and drinking when I was 14, synthetic drugs 6-7 years after that; quit smoking one and a half years ago, stopped drinking almost a year ago, clean from drugs for 7 months now. I'm taking an anti-depressant and sleeping pills for 7 months now and had a rather long P & MO-free streak, although I can't stop edging. I trace back my fantasy/M addiction to a serious body-image disorder, but I haven't been to a therapist with this specific issue. Have chronic pelvis pain as well as PE that makes my life almost unbearable. This is my first day without P, M, O, fantasizing, edging, or anything. Have been quite anxious and depressed as well as extremely tired. I'm getting back to my daily meditation as well as workout routine, but it's really difficult to get up in the morning so it's not easy to get back on track. I live abroad and am really lonely here even though I have quite some friends at home. Anyways, I must do at least 30 days without touching myself. I have to get rid of this pain and, more importantly, this PE, because otherwise it makes no sense to live. What I feel is that I'd need a rehab center where I have no external stressors, just one goal: be M-free. Wake up early, do sports, meditation, read, go to nature and go to bad early. But I cannot do it even though I could afford it for a couple of months. But I've been postponing it for years. So I just finished my first day and I really don't want to slip in the next 24 hours.