One Life One Path (22 Years Old)

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by onelifeonepath, Feb 24, 2012.

  1. onelifeonepath

    onelifeonepath New Member

    First up is a background of my case. It's mostly there for my personal benefit, and for many of you it will be tl;dr and therefore I recommend scrolling down to my journal entries. I'll do my best to post every few days, and I'm starting with a recap of the past 26 days.

    Quick Overview

    First and foremost, I'm looking for someone to buddy up with to help motivate each other to accomplish our reboot as well as other related goals. Everything's easier when you know someone else is going through the same thing! If you're interested, send me a message.

    Objectives of reboot: eliminate constant "foggy headed" feeling, gain more energy, balance my emotions, eliminate recently-acquired social anxiety, become more socially motivated, find new group of friends, eliminate recently-acquired light depression (a.k.a. be happier), begin dating again, find a girlfriend, get a life, save the day. :D

    I'm starting this blog on 2/24/12, which is my 26th day into my reboot. I've already noticed remarkable improvements in several areas that had been troubling me over the past 4 years. What was most disturbing to me was that for awhile there I simply didn't feel anymore, as though I was shut off from the world around me. Fortunately, there are clear signs of that already dissolving away.


    I first discovered porn when I was 11 or 12. My uncle worked for a satellite TV company and as a result my family had full access to even pay-per-view—along with about 20 porn channels. I thought I was the luckiest kid alive! As I went through my teenage years I watched porn and masturbated, but only about two to three times a week. I was always dating cute girls, had a great group of friends, and all in all had a great high school experience. I was filled with self-confidence and I was almost always happy.

    Things went downhill after I graduated high school and left for college in 2007. While I was away my dad became addicted to prescription pills and I felt powerless to help him. (My parents are divorced, so there was literally no one else to help him.) In an attempt to run away from my feelings I partied like crazy all throughout my freshman year, and I also began watching more porn and masturbating more. I was so emotionally fucked up that I didn’t date or even have sex at all my freshman year.

    At the end of the year I moved back in with my dad and enrolled in the local junior college. I thought I could get him off drugs; instead, I continued on with my bad habits. I started dating this cute girl who I had nothing in common with except liking sex. Looking back on it she had her own fair share of issues as well... in any case, we broke up after a few months, and by the end of that bleak year I needed to get away. I was afraid I’d continue with my “partying” ways if I went back to the first college I went to, so I instead transferred to a small newer college where I knew absolutely no one.

    So everything went happily ever after, right? Not quite. The college I transferred to was a horrible choice for many reasons, #1 being it’s essentially a glorified commuter school in an area filled with retirees. Not a top-choice place for a young adult to live. For the first six months I lived in a studio attached to a house where I hardly ever saw my roommates; I spent most of my time alone in my room feeling depressed, watching porn, and masturbating. After that I moved into a house with some guys I met off Craigslist, which was definitely better than being alone all the time, but they turned out to be manic depressives with substance abuse issues. Deep down inside I know they’re good guys, but to this day I can’t believe I lived with them for an entire year… It definitely didn’t benefit me to be around depressed people all the time (and I still kept up my almost daily PMO routine). After a year living with them I moved in with a different roommate I met off Craigslist, and she’s turned out to be the best roommate I’ve ever had! I’ve lived with her for a little over a year now, and up until about a month ago I maintained my almost-daily PMO habits.

    Whew! It feels good to get that off my chest! While there are still huge amounts of background missing, this is a pretty good overview and I’m going to keep this thing moving.

    So how does all this history tie into my decision to quit watching porn and masturbating? It all started about a year ago when I reached the conclusion that I wasn’t depressed by my dad being a drug addict anymore. Don’t get me wrong, it sucks, but there’s nothing that I can do about it and he’s made his own choices in life. But even though I was finally over that situation, I was still feeling the shitty way I had been feeling for the past three years: constantly foggy-headed, socially anxious, moody, mildly depressed, feeling generally out of it, depersonalization, yada yada. It always felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster. In an effort to “fix” myself I began doing all sorts of things to improve: working out/running, reading lots of self-help books, quitting smoking, quitting weed (which was minimal at this point), reducing alcohol consumption, and even quitting coffee (the hardest thing I’ve ever done). It seems like all these things helped a little, just not enough to truly make a difference. Yet while I was doing all this I was still engaging in my almost-daily PMO routine! Have a bad day at work? Watch porn and jack off. Feeling bummed out? Watch porn and jack off. Experiencing stress? Watch porn and jack off. It was always there for me, and since it’s considered to be “normal” I never thought twice about it. That’s what makes it so insidious. Looking back I can literally see how my porn use and masturbation frequency skyrocketed when I went off to college, which is when all of my issues and lack of confidence came about.

    About a month ago I was looking up something on the internet and out of nowhere I thought “I wonder how watching porn impacts the brain?” Where this thought came from I have no idea, but I ran a Google search for the phrase and came across READING THE USER EXPERIENCES, IT WAS SCARY JUST HOW WELL I COULD RELATE TO THEM! Suddenly everything made sense: the constant brain fog, the always feeling tired, the social anxiety, EVERYTHING.

    I decided on January 29, 2012 that I was done. I had changed everything else that I thought my problems were stemming from and that the problem had to be my porn and masturbation habits. I deleted all the porn off my computer and installed a website blocker to prevent access to my favorite porn sites, and decided that I was going to do this experiment for at least 90 days. (As a sharp contrast, the longest I’ve ever gone without ejaculating in the last 10 years was less than two weeks.)

    Glad to get this background out of the way. Remember, one life, one path.


    Days 1 - 26 Recap
    Week 1: This week actually wasn't as difficult as I was anticipating. My emotions were scattered, but they've been that way for the past several years. I went on a business trip for four of these days and didn't have time to concentrate on PMO; this helped a lot.

    Week 2: THIS week was difficult and awesome at the same time! I read someone somewhere describe the PMO withdrawal process as being strapped to an emotional pendulum; this was most certainly the case throughout the second week. I went through a few days of feeling like THE MAN before going through a couple days of feeling worthless. What's interesting is that over the past couple years I could go through different moods over the course of a day, while at this point my moods started becoming more consistent, either good or bad. There also wasn't a whole lot of middle ground. Either I was feeling AWESOME or terrrriibbbllleee. During this week I also created an online dating account on a free dating website since one of my main objectives is to get into a relationship, and went on the first real date I've been in on over a year. She ended up being a little weird (definitely attractive though) so after that I just left it as-is. I was just stoked to go on a date again! ;D

    Week 3: Went through several days of feeling IN THE ZONE, which I had been missing for years! I got a girl's # I randomly met and began talking to several others through the dating website. I also noticed I was much more focused in the gym. The pendulum effect did kick in at the end of the week and I went through several low days in a row. What may have had something to do with it was I went out with that girl to get coffee mid-week (I had tea) and then set a date for that Saturday to get a drink; maybe it was all in my head or maybe it was vibes she was giving me, but I felt super confident that she was going to be spending the night after our Saturday date. I spent all Saturday cleaning my room, cleaning my car, etc. just basically preparing to have a chick spend the night for the first time since I moved in here over a year ago. Anyway, my mood shifted about midway through the day to where I was just feeling out of it. It didn't even feel like anxiety about the date, just generally feeling blah. That night we went out and I was nowhere near the man I had been just a few days ago! Just really uninspired as a whole. In any case, she didn't spend the night, and then for literally the next three days after that I was just feeling low. I'm wondering if it had something to do with my hormones getting all cranked up thinking "alright, I'm gonna get laid tonight!" before crashing when it didn't happen. The cool thing about all this is that within three weeks I've already gone on two dates! (Plus the first week doesn't really count since I was out of town for most of it.) I think just getting out there again is vital, and not having a few dates work out the way I hoped puts me closer to the one that does. :)
  2. onelifeonepath

    onelifeonepath New Member

    Day 27 (end of Week 4)

    I’m feeling really good. The start of this week was rocky but has culminated on a high note.

    After doing some deep reflection I have two slightly unorthodox tips to share that each stem from one crucial realization: SELF CONTROL IS JUST LIKE A MUSCLE: THE MORE YOU USE IT, THE STRONGER YOU GET.

    1.) If you consistently find yourself slipping up after a few days/weeks/whatever, turn your focus on eliminating other bad habits first.

    In order to normalize and improve myself, over the past two years I have stopped smoking cigarettes, stopped smoking weed, significantly reduced my alcohol consumption, and even quit drinking coffee! Each of these eliminations was immensely difficult, and through each process I experienced slip-ups. However, I noticed something incredible: each “elimination” I underwent was easier than the previous one and required fewer slip-ups before finally kicking it for good.

    The most recent elimination (apart from PM) was coffee, which was the hardest one yet in terms of withdrawal symptoms but also the fastest process. If you told me six months ago I’d quit coffee I would have laughed in your face; it’s now been almost five months with only two slip-ups, both of which made me feel cracked-out and solidified my decision not to drink it anymore.

    I’m now on day 27 of no PMO, and though it’s certainly been difficult, it’s never been a situation where it’s me vs. me (meaning I’m worried I’m going to slip at any moment). Floating around in both my conscious and unconscious thoughts is the knowledge that I CAN change myself if I DECIDE to, and since I made the DECISION to not PM, I’m not going to.

    If I didn’t have the experience and knowledge that I can make a change if I decide to, there’s no way I’d be able to resist the magnetic pull of a quick dopamine blast.

    What makes compulsions (or addictions) such as PMO and overeating so powerful is that we are naturally wired to binge on them. (For more info on this visit Personally, I think porn and masturbation have been my granddaddy compulsions for a long time now—my Everest, if you will. And I’m now confidently walking up the mountain because of my past success and the knowledge that I can do it.

    2.) Develop a pattern-interruption routine to use when you find yourself beginning to relapse.

    This one is simple but oh-so-powerful. When you find yourself beginning to masturbate (“OK, just for a minute, but I won’t cum”), or fantasize, or think to yourself about looking at photos/videos for a second, YA GOTTA DO SOMETHING TO GET YOURSELF OUT OF THAT SITUATION, PRONTO. It could be jumping up out of your seat and running outside of your house/apartment. It could be getting in your car and driving around the block. But for me, the most effective way to interrupt and get myself out of that thought pattern is to slap myself in the face. HARD. I mean to where it actually hurts, no love tapping. And if I start to slide back into that pattern again, I slap myself even harder and think “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING??” I then laugh it off, put my dick back in my pants, and go about my biz. Cake.

    This has the dual benefit of breaking that thought pattern (we all know where it leads, and it’s not where we wanna go) and also strengthening your resolve/willpower.

    It’s a beautiful day today. I’m going to go out and enjoy it.

    One Life One Path.
  3. Gucci

    Gucci Guest

    Love your mindset (and avatar, that exact thought crosses my mind from time to time)! I - like you - try to eliminate every single little harmful habit I can. In swedish we have a saying that goes something like "lots of small creeks" which translates into "many small things will result in something a lot bigger". The two latest things on my to-change list is my tv and computer habits (goes into one), and eating healthier. I also quit nicotine and weed last year - I think having gone through that, you're definitively better prepared taking this addiction on.

    Anyway, I'm just about your age and one or two days behind (let's keep it that way huh?) you PMO-wise, depending on your timezone ;) I can also relate to a lot of what you wrote about moodswings, social anxiety coming and going, depression etcetc. I'll keep track on how things evolve for ya!

    Keep them posts coming!
  4. onelifeonepath

    onelifeonepath New Member

    I already posted once today but I want to get this thought out there:

    I’ve seen the word “fapstronaut” used a couple times throughout these related message boards, and I’ve only seen it used to describe those of us who are in the rebooting process. I have a different definition for “fapstronaut.” Not to get all Fight Clubish on ya, but us modern-day men are all space monkeys in this brave new world of instant gratification. We’re fapstronauts in the sense that for the first time in THE HISTORY OF EVER we have the ability to see hundreds of vaginas in a span of five minutes, and EXPONENTIALLY more than anyone could have in a LIFETIME even 50 years ago. Hell, make that 40, 30, 20 years ago. Cell phones, the internet, and high speed connections have forever changed the world we live in—DURING OUR LIFETIMES—and we’re the lab rats that have been forced to ingest the new formula. We’re in uncharted territory, gentlemen, and although it seems lucidly clear to those of us here, most men out there simply have no idea that unyieldingly zapping our brains through sexual stimuli overload is closer to lobotomy than we ever could have imagined.

    So, whoever you are, wherever you are in the world, I am charging you with one task and one task only: tell another guy about If a single fellow man’s life is turned around because of a deeper understanding of how porn impacts our brains it will be worth it. Don’t be shy about this. To get real Fight Clubish on ya, “This is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time.”

    One Life One Path
  5. Rockhardington

    Rockhardington Persistence not Perfection

    Nice avatar.. And true! Lucid and well organized writing too.

    Glad to hear that you are experiencing the benefits of coming down from the fap o sphere. They remind me of how good it feels to have those highs and experience life in 3-D. Being in the fog for a while gets old.

    I too have been through te dating gauntlet while abstaining. One thing that you have to keep in mind is that when you start abstaining you start shining a little more. You find yourself in situations where sex happens a lot more. And since you arent fapping, you have the opportunity to get good at putting yourself in those situations and working them. It's the nature of the beast. After a long dry spell, things started clicking for me and i soon had more opportunities and drama than I could handle. My recovery suffered a bit because of my particular Insecurities about a relationship or my deep unresolved garbage or inner conflicts from not being completely honest with women. The online dating thing can be particularly alluring because it's kind of porn in a way. You browse hundreds of profiles ( of women getting WAY too much attention from dudes emailing them their penises or dudes that are vaginal in nature), you get a rush when they respond, you meet them and you start getting very good at getting women home. It can have some pornesque qualities to it, but in my opinion a step up from porn. And then there's the chance you meet a cute young fixer-upper. Guess where your recovery goes for a few months until that reaches its dramatic end?

    Sex is powerful and you see how it can transform and motivate you. Make sure you have goals in mind of where you want to be with your life and your relationships. This vision can strip away all of the garbage and pleasant detours.

    Keep at the good work though, a month is no small feat!
  6. onelifeonepath

    onelifeonepath New Member

    So true.

    A fascinating change that has recently began taking place is my revived desire to fall in love with a girl. Before the PM cranked up I was always the romantic type; I cared deeply for each of my girlfriends and was truly in love with the girl I dated for over a year toward the end of high school. But once the frequency of PM increased all I ever thought about was sex. Before the increased PM, I imagined what it'd be like to kiss her. After the increased PM, I imagined what it'd be like to fuck her.

    I only realized I really want a healthy relationship instead of meaningless sex a couple of days ago. Actually, that desire has always been there, except for the past four years it has been overshadowed by the urge for sex; I believe the scales are finally tipping back to normalcy. I'm now in the process of refocusing my attention (when I'm talking with a girl I'm interested in) from imagining what the sex would be like to imagining what passionate kissing would be like. When I first got on the dating site a few weeks ago my intent was just to hookup; it's incredible how fast that has changed.

    Rockhardington, you're right about maintaining a strong focus on where you want to be. My decision is to develop healthy new relationships (both male and female) and to get a girlfriend I really care about. I want to feel what it's like to be in love again.
  7. onelifeonepath

    onelifeonepath New Member

    As it turns out I was miscounting my days, so today is actually Day 30 no PMO! Yew! ;D

    Day 30

    Wow, talk about the pendulum effect! All day yesterday I felt like garbage. Apart from going on an hour-long hike and leaving once to get food I spent all day yesterday on the couch watching movies. For lack of a better description I felt burnt out and lethargic, although it was deeper than that. Just really crappy in general. I started to feel like this halfway through the day on Saturday, just nowhere near as bad.

    I woke up today after getting 9 1/2 hours of sleep feeling fantastic again! Granted, it's still early in the day but the contrast already is incredible. Although dealing with these shifting moods totally sucks, it means good things are happening upstairs.

    Has anyone else been having difficulty accessing Either I can't load it for some reason or the site has gone down...
  8. Gucci

    Gucci Guest

    Awww yeaaaaaaa! 30 days is fuckin beastly! Seriously, just think about how many of the dudes you know, and dont know for that matter, that could even do a week. Tha boss!

    About the fight club inspired post - you knew it, I've been thinking the same thing. Sometimes when I get really in the moment and become aware, calm and ridiciously grounded in myself for a bit, I can just look at other guys acting all beta. I don't know if it's just me projecting myself onto others but I can swear I could point out guys using to much porno left and right.

    I'm psyched your craving for intimacy is starting to outweigh the cravings for mechanical penetration! I'm getting there, although somewhat slower than you seem to; I'm fine talking/flirting for a little bit but then it's like I lose myself and my interest in her as a person. Goes up and down though, like the mood in general :p I'm thinking I should restrain from flirting for a time. That's the mindset I've been holding on to ever since I read you should but it's like I'm slipping without even realizing it from time to time. I also can't help but feel I'm losing out on opportunities and acting like a douchebag but oh well. What can you do.

    How are you dealing with your moodswings? Working out much?
  9. onelifeonepath

    onelifeonepath New Member

    Dude, I’ve been seeing that everywhere lately too! In my class there are quite a few guys who are really quiet/not outgoing/look a little angry or depressed and it’s the first thing that comes to mind.

    This has also been happening to me. During the second and third weeks of reboot I started engaging girls all the time. I also increased my online dating efforts and got several numbers. However, it seems like the last two weeks pursuing girls hasn’t been my modus operandi. This was also during the time I really came to terms with the fact I want a gf and not a one night stand.

    A large part of the reason why I’m rebooting is that even though I consciously knew I wanted a girlfriend, all I would ever think about when I met a girl was sex. In high school I could push that aside; this was no longer the case. My theory as to why I started aggressively hitting on chicks during the first few weeks is my brain quickly recognized that I wasn’t going to be masturbating anytime soon and in order to bust a nut I needed a girl. At that point I still consciously wanted a gf but would have definitely gone for a one night stand; now that I’m through the initial horniness the scales have rebalanced.

    So what’s worse, flirting or letting opportunities slip? The answer depends on where you want to be and only you can decide what route to get there is best.

    I’m working out five days a week and I always feel fantastic for at least a few hours afterward no matter what my overall mood for the day turns out to be. As far as dealing with the mood swings goes, all we can do is tolerate them and recognize they’re a symptom of healing. In the past we’d try to “normalize” mood swings through watching porn, masturbating, smoking, drinking, whatev, and it’d only be a temporary fix. Now we’re dealing with our fluctuating moods head-on with no artificial relief. This is our pain period and what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.

    To quote Arnold Schwarzenegger, “This area of pain divides the champion from someone else who is not a champion. That's what most people lack, having the guts to go on and just say they'll go through the pain no matter what happens.” He said this in relation to muscle building, but this surprisingly tidbit of insight applies to all facets of life. Think about it.

    Day 32

    Quick journal entry. Feeling pretty good today although I was bored out of my mind at work. I'd say my mood is about a 7 right now. The YBOP site is back online and to see the mood chart visit That's it! Good work everyone!

    EDIT: I just realized something: my mental fog has disappeared.

  10. Psychosis

    Psychosis Guest

    Hey man, I didn't read every single line of your thread (yet), but read a good chunk of it, so perhaps this was addressed and my brain-fogged mind missed it, but: regarding quitting caffeine, I was wondering if you are having problems waking up in the morning? I'm a coffee addict too, and if I don't drink coffee w/espresso each morning I'm a zombie. Did you change anything in your diet to compensate for lack of caffeine?

    By the way, I really dug your posts--they are really informative (what I've read so far).
  11. onelifeonepath

    onelifeonepath New Member

    Hey Psychosis, I actually quit drinking coffee five months ago. The first two weeks were horrible in every sense; you really do experience drug withdrawals. I kept experiencing bouts of sluggishness for another month or so after that. Drinking coffee was my morning routine (Americanos, used to love espresso too) and it definitely played a role in waking me up.

    Did I change my diet? Not really—but I do eat very healthy. I really began focusing on my diet about a year ago and it certainly makes a difference in how you feel and your energy level. I live in an agricultural-rich region and am lucky to have fresh produce and meat available year-round.

    The main thing I did to compensate for the change was starting off my day with exercise. I lift weights three mornings a week and do cardio two or three mornings a week. Nowadays, if I don't get my morning workout in I feel the same way I did if I didn't get my morning coffee! Extra motivation to go to the gym.

    Why are you thinking of quitting?
  12. Psychosis

    Psychosis Guest

    Thanks for the response, onelifeonpath.

    I wasn't really thinking about giving up caffeine too explicitly until I read that offhanded remark in your thread, actually. I mean, i've read from time to time that it's really not good for you, especially with multiple espresso shots! Giving it up has always been in the back of my mind. Quitting would also save me some money. I got my diet sorted out a couple years ago, and have been exercising regularly for about that time too. Like you, I do weights three times a week, and usually some endurance cardio on the other days (I quit smoking about a year ago, and it just feels so nice to get my lungs back!).
  13. onelifeonepath

    onelifeonepath New Member

    Psychosis, I wouldn't worry about it too much unless you're experiencing problems from caffeine. Before coming across YBOP I thought perhaps coffee was what was making me feel foggy headed. Even though it wasn't (not really, anyway), quitting caffeine has made me a calmer and more naturally energetic person. I'm not going back.

    Day 35

    It's hard to believe how fast the past five weeks have flown by. If anything, rebooting has given me a new appreciation for just how quickly our lives go by. Fortunately it's already given me much more than that in just 35 days.

    I've been feeling wonderful and excited about life for the past few days. It's a sustained natural high that I haven't experienced in years. Although I may not be out of the woods just yet, knowing that I have this to look forward to is absolutely incredible. As previously noted my brain fog has disappeared completely; it vanished so silently I didn't even realize it until after the fact.

    I'm also falling for a girl I sit next to in one of my classes. When we were talking the other night she laughed and I felt a powerful urge to kiss her and hold her. She had lipgloss on; I want to know what she tastes like. When I think of her I fantasize about what it'd be like to lie next to her and feel her warmth and smell her hair, and slowly run our hands over each other while we whisper secrets and sweet nothings. She's not supermodel hot, but she's absolutely beautiful in a way your average supermodel could only hope to achieve. And I haven't felt even close to this way about a girl during the past four years. Have I thought about what the sex would be like? Of course. But it hasn't been the end-all-be-all focus the way it used to and, although I'm trying not to, when I think about what sex with her would be like it's... passionate. Not anonymous porn sex. It's the way it feels when time completely stops and you have that indescribable feeling of thinking nothing at all, of being 100% present. It's the way it should be, and it's scary to think how I almost forgot what that is.

    I like feeling again. I hope things get even better as this continues.

    Stay strong cousins.
  14. ssk08

    ssk08 Pointman

    Get her, cuddle with her!
  15. onelifeonepath

    onelifeonepath New Member

    That's the plan!

    Day 36

    Another day of feeling great, I'd rate overall mood at 7.5. The weather is perfect so I'm going to get outside for a bit, but I have a quick question for you all first...

    Is anyone else rebooting solely for the purpose of resolving social anxiety, depression, and/or other mental maladies and NOT ED? Looking back on things I was starting to get light ED (I wasn't getting very hard for porn anymore though I could still get erections) but the reason I'm rebooting is the mental side of things. FYI I am getting much harder and more frequent erections now than I used to...
  16. onelifeonepath

    onelifeonepath New Member

    Day 42

    Today marks the end of week 6 of no PMO (literally no O yet, not even a wet dream as far as I know). The beginning of this week was rough because I came down with a stomach virus and was sick for a few days, and I had an off day a couple days ago, but other than that I've been feeling excellent - averaging about an 8 I'd say. To the best of my recollection this is the greatest I've consistently felt in years.

    Some things I've noticed:

    • I need human interaction. Even rough days at work are better than good days at home; so is studying at the library instead of studying at home.
    • I'm already way more outgoing than I used to be... actually, I'm becoming as outgoing as I used to be before the PMO increased years ago! (Which was very.) I'm now having a ton of fun hanging out with the other young people at the office rather than keeping to myself, and we're also doing stuff outside of the office now.
    • I'm much more "in the moment" now. I used to suffer from a certain degree of depersonalization and was always in my head; this is disappearing rapidly, especially as I restrict my unnecessary computer use.
    • I WANT ROMANCE! Hard to believe, but my thoughts about women aren't completely dominated by sex anymore. I'm craving touch.
    • I'm not worrying so much about what other people think of me, which was a HUGE problem the last few years and led to social anxiety.
    • I'm more goal-oriented.
    • I'm not afraid to take chances when it comes to girls. I just got the phone number of the girl I'm crushing on and am prepared to keep it moving. ;)
    • Music sounds better. Don't know why, but it's true.

    Keep up the good work cousins. The changes are subtle yet incredible.

    EDIT: I think I know why I had an "off day" a couple days ago. When I woke up that morning I edged to sensation for about 10 minutes; the rest of the day I was in a bad mood. It started off wrong for other reasons too (didn't go to the gym, didn't eat a good breakfast, was late to work). HOWEVER, I also experienced bad or generally "off" days the few other times I've edged to sensation!!! There may be a connection. I'm playing it safe now and not edging at all.
  17. Gucci

    Gucci Guest

    I've become more conscious about needing human interaction and trying not to be "in my head" lately, too. It's really not that difficult but old habits start kicking in which makes it a struggle. I think practicing free-writing can help.

    I'm glad you're doing well and feeling good! :)

    About the edging to fantasy, do u mean M-edged or did you just enjoy the feeling of it? In either case, like dead seriously, I think fantasizing in the morning is pure poison. Just like you experienced it can really put it's mark on the whole day without you even realizing before it's too late!
    Last summer when I was giving up nicotine, weed & PMO (kind of) I used to get up the instant I woke up, stop thinking, make breakfast and eat before I even let my brain start functioning. It did wonders I can't even describe.

    Keep yer hands outta yer pants sonny!
  18. Paulier

    Paulier New Member

    Yes - ED hasn't really been a problem for me. This is more about getting my mental health back and having a normal sex life with my wife. I had no idea how much PMO was affecting me. I'm on day 11 now and it's a revelation how different I feel.

    Keep on keeping on - you're doing great!
  19. onelifeonepath

    onelifeonepath New Member

    Day 47

    Been feeling good and even-keeled the last couple days. Tonight was rough though, for a different reason...

    I've fallen hard for the girl I sit next to in my class. No idea when the last time I felt about this girl was. And I think she likes me. Hell, I know she likes me. Problem is, every time I'm about to ask her out she runs off. Same thing happened tonight! Ohhh myyy goddd was I pissed at myself (and life, and everything, haha).

    I'm asking her out next Tuesday. Otherwise, I'll despise myself. :) Really though, this reboot IS WORKING! I'M FEELING AGAIN!!! GLORY HALLELUJAH!!!

    Things just keep getting better (and in some ways harder, as you can see above lol.) Stick with this guys, it's totally worth it.
  20. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    Great to read about all the benefits you're experiencing man!

    I'm just on day 9 but I already feel better.

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