One Day at a time

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by MindOverMasonry, Nov 2, 2017.

  1. Day 2: okay well still having mood swings, talked to my girl. I get triggered way more easily by her avoidance and my emotional reactions are way overblown to the iciness that this girl needs to be handled with. No excuses I step up to the challenge. Had a positive turned angry phone convo. I'm just going to chill out right now, it's not about trying to control her. It's about getting a grip of myself...the answers will follow from there.
     
  2. Day 2: ugh, the reactivity and insecurity just sucks. The thoughts my mind is feeding me are so vile and cause me to do such dumb shit...not that she's great either but I lead as the man so this is a failure on my part.

    There's no fixing this, the only thing to fix is myself. She doesn't want an apology and mending, she wants a man.
     
  3. day 10: having somewhat of a mood swing today. Got triggered by my girl not caring about something I said and it spiraled into a whole bunch of projections. Here is the truth. Being Alpha and on top of my shit also a part of that includes being in a good mood and not being an emotional dishrag because of some random bullshit. If I don't want to talk to her that's cool I don't have to if I don't feel like it and there's nothing wrong with that. The distance between us doesn't have to be a bad thing. It can just be a cycle, and I can let it be there while I focus on my own shit. The emotion passed and I feel better and ready to tackle the world again.

    Almost relapsed just now, that's how shitty I was feeling. Porn would definitely make the pain go away. But I had already decided that I wouldn't and instead decided that I'm going to hit the gym at 11. This will be a healthier habit to anchor my good mood rather than emptying myself out on porn. and as soon as I thought of this solution and committed to it my emotion improved. Don't numb. Fix instead. I was actually inspired my girl here with her going to the gym to boost her capacity to study.
     
  4. it's on me to keep myself in a good mood that's functional enough to accomplish what I need to. Physical activity is part of that
     
  5. Day 11: really bad urges today, making me want to slip but I have too many reasons to succeed to I came to post here instead and get my feelings out in a somewhat healthier way lol. Fuuuuuuuck I want to fap, but not even fap, I've been cooped up working, I want the company of a feminine woman, her intoxicating aroma and soft curves...bought incense to help me work and add a little colour to the straight bootstrap logic. Logic and mind matter without emotional and surrender is barren. We all need a yang to our yin
     
  6. Reflecting on how far I've come since almost two weeks ago. Quite proud of myself. This train is moving forward and I do t want it to stop anytime soon
     
  7. Reflecting on how far I've come since almost two weeks ago. Quite proud of myself. This train is moving forward and I do t want it to stop anytime soon
     
  8. Really bad migraine yesterday. Porn was the only thing that would've taken it away. I didn't eat and slept like shit. BUT goddamn I made it out.
    15 days in and I'm not looking back. I believe this is a keystone habit for me that once changed will change my entire life.

    I feel like I've committed myself hard enough for this. Even just small reasons like getting attracted to girls that aren't absolutely stunning is huge for me, huge for my development in game. Yesterday could've gone two different ways. I either fapped and got rid of my migraine and taken 2-3 days to recover and be in somewhat working condition again OR..what happened yesterday which is I didn't fap, I weathered out the pain, the cold sweats and the mental desolation until shit was sunshine and rainbows again. Had a decently productive day actually and ended up committing myself to changing another habit that I feel is vital.

    Which now brings us to the next topic. I feel I've gotten the hang of NoFap. This will now become a dual journal for me setting the habit to get up on time. Yesterday instead of 5:00AM I went to bed at 2:30. Turned off all my devices and put on my blue blockers. My mind is raging and racing, I read the Power of Habit for 15mins or so then settle into bed. My mind was probably racing for another hr/half or so but I am determined to make this the next step. I wanted to walk around grab my devices, post about this or that but I didn't. One habit at a time baby, one focus, that's all that matters.
     
  9. Wan't to recite to myself what it took to get here: being fed up with porn, the brain fog, the depression, having multiple reasons to quit, also things such as changing my porn blockers, deleting all 70gigs of porn off my comp LOL, getting rid of social media. I basically removed any triggers or easy access and with my mind bent on succeeding I am doing it
     

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