Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Old Tom Bombadil, Feb 4, 2021.
You can do it put your mi d to it
Thanks Mad Dog. I did not look at porn again today
I did not look at porn on Wednesday or Thursday, but my family has just left leaving me alone for the rest of today and the weekend. My plan is to get through to 2.00pm when I will exercise and then not look at screens at all till they return on Sunday. Fingers crossed I can do it!
Well I have deviated from my plan of not looking at screens till my family is back but only to go on here so that is OK. Friday was another day without porn. Beginning to get a glimmer of confidence that I can make this a long streak but got to stay grounded and do it day by day. I have been reading more widely round some of the posts on the website not just the 40 + ones I usually do. There really is some great stuff in here.
Continuing with the one post per day and going on this website a lot (rather than the dodgy ones). Saturday was another day without porn despite the family being away all day and all night. I tried and more or less succeeded to stay away from screens except for going on here. A few days ago I read a great post by Professor Chaos a few days ago where he recommended as a distraction from P and a way to relax simply reading a book he recommended "something NOT self help related or too triggering (like GoT) but find an author or set of books that you really respond to. It’s a really good thing to grab and just into another room, especially if you are in a heightened (horny) state and want to relax". Well in my 20s I used to read fiction a lot but with children and pressures of work and issues with memory loss (which may be related to porn I dont't know) I more or less stopped but recently that has all changed during the holiday when I read two books and since I got back when I read a third. Something I realised is it really helps to read books not because you should - such and such is a great literary work that you should read - but because you actually well... like the book. Obvious really! So one of the few other screen things I did yesterday was to order a big pile of Elmore Leonard books (showing my age). Back in the day I used to like him and their easy to read and engrossing. They should be here in a few days and will be another weapon in the anti-porn armoury. Enough ramblings for now. Best,
PMO can definitely affect the memory. Basically, the state we are in when we pick up the PMO habit is one where we have pushed many good parts of our brain into cubby holes. After years of wanking these good parts atrophy. The great news is they come back quickly once we've ditched our P habit. Just another great reason to give PMO the boot!
Very interesting what you have to say about memory Saville. I sure hope mine improves! Did not look at porn on Sunday or yesterday. Onward and upward
Did not look at porn on Tuesday
Did not look at porn on Wednesday. I get so much from reading the journals of you guys. The are so many parallels - in a way we are all on the same journey. Woke up very early yesterday feeling depressed. Instead reaching for my phone, I could side step the porn trap because I have learnt not to keep my smart phone in the bedroom any more, I could reflect on and unpick my feelings using the B.L.A.S.T. acronym (Bored, lonely, angry, stressed, tired) that I learnt from a post on this website. On reflection I realised I was mega-stressed because the number of competing critical things that I needed to address. I could then plan my morning to address them and I did so. After all that I wasn't feeling depressed at all and not looking at porn the rest of the day was easy.
Did not look at porn on Thursday. Got a very stressful weekend coming up. Its already affecting me. I had a bad nights sleep with some serious cravings during the wakeful bits far more so than the last few days. Cravings resisted so far. If I was going to relapse it would be today, but I am going to take responsibility and not repeat old behaviours. I can AND I will.
You control cravings they don't control you !
That is right Mad dog. Well this time I controlled those %##>ing cravings! I did not look at porn on Friday, Saturday or Sunday. All best,
or Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday
Still porn free and its 32 days which is really pleasing. A few weeks ago I would have thought it impossible. Strong cravings several times yesterday for the first time in about a week went through the B.L.A.S.T. acronym and pinpointed S(tressed) - work stuff and T(ired) overdoing it in the weekend mixing and laying concrete to make a shed base. Made sure I went to bed early last night and everything feels better today after a good sleep. When I have cravings my big problem is visualising porn, Camgirls etc because I have a very visual imagination alot of the time I more or less think in images. This leads to feeling sexually aroused, peeking and so on into the downward P spiral. I have got a good coping strategy going that suits me though not necessarily anyone else. To stop the porn visuals of my imagination before they get going I think of different fingers of one hand eg thumb, index finger, ring finger etc and visualise touching one of them to a particular toe of one of my feet. For example, right hand index finger to touch left foot third toe from the big toe. Its surprisingly difficult to visualise which toe is which except for the biggests and smallest ones and maybe its this that clears out any other visuals from my brain. Like I said it works for me and probably not anyone else...
I think that's an excellent strategy and believe it would be helpful to many men here. Great job on your 32 days!
Thanks for sharing the strategy. In my experience, anything that can put a "time barrier" between the idea of acting out and actually being able to do it gives our brains a little bit of time to realize what we're about to do. Moreover, regardless of how hotheaded I am "in the moment", when I need to undo like 10 reusable zip-ties to open the laptop it makes my brain think logically (in an attempt to solve the "riddle", as trivial as it may be...) and when it gets pulled back into the "logical" side of things it becomes sensitive to topics such as consequences, "remember how ti went last time" etc.
Hmmm. I just articulated well something I haven't even thought about. Gonna post a permlink to this in my own journal.
Thank you for writing on my won journal. It's interesting how alike suffering people get in a sense of camaraderie with people they don't know (and, paradoxically, know something more about them than probably their loved ones). One of the good thing to come out of the Internet.
All the best!
You should be proud of yourself. The longer you go, the easier it gets. The cravings you have on day 40 will be weaker than those on day 4.
this is the way i figure it. to beat PMO i just have to do one simple thing-change everything about myself. now i don't mean wife, job, kids, etc. but my schedule, my way of thinking. my choices on tv. my reading. my vocabulary. my toxic friends/places. if i don't change anything that means i'm the same. a porn addict. first i have to figure out what i want to be like or who i want to be. that's where the meditation comes in. of course a positive, productive, decent member of society. compassionate. not bragging. not loud. not evil. not mean. patient. understanding. caring. then i have to be vigilant and ask myself of every behavior and every word that i say. is this congruent with this person i want to be or not. so i need to stop and THINK before i say or do anything. is what i am about to say True
if not shut the fuck up. progress not perfection. more of my ramblings.
Thanks all for kind and insightful comments. Tied up with work shit right now but more extended response later.
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