Old Tom's Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Old Tom Bombadil, Feb 4, 2021.

  1. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    Pick yourself up Tom and keep going.

    You mentioned using mental tricks, pinching yourself or using visualization to tackle cravings. I like the idea of using techniques like this - whatever method we choose, it's going to need a hell of a lot of repetition to change our patterns of behaviour. After all, repetition is what led us down this path in the first place.
     
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  2. Sebs

    Sebs Member

    This is really helpfull...i thank reading you...im just starting to fight against tjis shit, irs very strange....first like it it, then we suffer, then we stop it and when we are fine...want it again....is the brain, is the body,emotions, feel alive, pmo when you are stressed..etc. i know may be it will be an entire life...but im not alone, and im happy to read you, men like me who realise Porn is a fkn drug....stay with me, stay together!
     
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  3. Old Tom Bombadil

    Old Tom Bombadil Active Member

    Thanks Forlorn and Sebs for your comments they really help. The last 10 days or so have been one long self-destructive porn binge. I feel weird, sleep deprived, very emotional far from normal and that nice positive sense of calm and moving forward with my life has gone. Being really honest I am by no means sure I can get through today clean. Its really shit!
     
  4. badger

    badger Active Member

    otb,
    hang in there. nothing worth having is easy. everytime i think about taking a peek or indulging in this filth, i remember that if i just postpone it until i do X, whatever that may be, sometimes the urge goes away. not always but a good many times. i also remind myself that each time i don't indulge makes my resolve stronger. i picture it like each time i abstain is a very thin twine. eventually a whole bunch of thin twines will turn into a very strong rope. i just think no matter how slight the avoidance of porn, it's still avoidance. another fiber for my rope. another one of my ramblings.
     
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  5. True Change

    True Change Member

    The more you do it, the more you want to do it.

    The less you do it, the less you want to do it.

    Desire and the lack of desire feed on themselves.

    The cycle of addiction works the same both ways - it gets stronger or weaker in equal measure.
     
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  6. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    Are you still in the porn-binge phase?

    I know how helpless and low you must be feeling right now....but only you can dig yourself out of this.

    Take responsibility and do the right thing - get yourself back on track.
     
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  7. Old Tom Bombadil

    Old Tom Bombadil Active Member

    Thank you Badger, True change and Forlorn for your kind comments. Well since my last post there has been lots of days with porn and creeping around and feeling a mixture of depression, guilt, misery and exhaustion - the last due to all night binges. There was also a couple of clean days too. Today I woke up and felt different so I going to keep my expectations low the aim is to stay clean today and to try not to think about tomorrow, the rest of the week - that is all.
     
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  8. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Eventually these binges pass and we get on a good streak. Once we do, we must fearlessly protect ourselves from falling backward. You can do it!
     
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  9. Old Tom Bombadil

    Old Tom Bombadil Active Member

    Have now had a few clean days mostly cos with family on holiday. Feel better but baaad cravings, depressions and mood swings. Got to get back into posting much more regularly. Have been reading through lots of the new stuff on the website - inspirational! Next few days are going to be tough but I can, I must hang in there. Once the brain chemistry begins to settle down things should start to full into place! Message to self I can do this!
     
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  10. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Yes, you can! :)
     
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  11. badger

    badger Active Member

    hang in there my brother, a day at a time. keep the end goal in mind.
     
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  12. Old Tom Bombadil

    Old Tom Bombadil Active Member

    Thanks for kind words Badger and Saville. I did not look at porn today :)
     
  13. Old Tom Bombadil

    Old Tom Bombadil Active Member

    I did not look at porn today. I need to make a bunch of positives that I can do as an alternative to P when the cravings come. This will probably sound nurdy but I am going to make a folder in my filing cabinet in my office and put them in there. They will be things like - and I am having a go at listing them to put them on the forum so I don’t forget- wizz outside and do 5 minutes gardening, reach out to someone I used to know on the net, get one thing on my car sorted out, work on my ‘bad days due to porn’ catalogue, do one small thing to help my wife or my kids, 5 minutes finding great new music, 5 minutes exercise etc. I must put more time into thinking about this. All best, Tom
     
  14. Old Tom Bombadil

    Old Tom Bombadil Active Member

    Oh yes and another thing. Does anybody know about porn blocking for Iphones? I have an Iphone 8 and usually access porn via google incognito. Is there some sort of app or something I could download that would stop me being able to do this?
     
  15. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Ho! Tom Bombadil, Tom Bombadillo!

    I never had an Iphone, but there's a good thread on the nofap forum for blocking on different devices. The user also had this thread on YBR, but it seems he deleted his account and this thread. Maybe you find a solution there.
     
  16. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    That's a great start to your list. I give myself little lists, too. What used to stop me engaging in the little things before was I thought I had to do everything at once. For instance, I would see the dirty windows in my house and think I had to do them all. This would feel like too big a task for my mental energy and so I would do nothing. Now I would just do one window and, if I felt like it, perhaps do another. Having these little jobs, goals if you will, acted, and still do, like wonderful interventions.
     
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  17. badger

    badger Active Member

    little things add up. compound interest. it's ironic but i have no energy to do anything, until i start doing something small that in my mind i think will take no energy or time. then it snowballs from there. once i start moving. the energy just seems to appear. more of my old man ramblings. take care.
     
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  18. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    Things can seem overwhelming! I say to myself "it will work out " then I go about doing what I can without criticism! Wasnt always this way used to be critical and major stress and then of course nothing got done.
     
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  19. badger

    badger Active Member

    if i wait until i planned out and made sure everything is going to come out perfect. i won't do anything. like the old commercial says just do it. i used to be afraid of looking foolish at doing or trying something new. never got anything started. fuck it I'm too old now and don't care who laughs. i do it anyway. my 2 cents.
     
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  20. Old Tom Bombadil

    Old Tom Bombadil Active Member

    I did not look at porn today. Thanks very much Savill, Badger and Mad Dog for the messages concerning lists and goals which are really on the money. Luke thanks for the great nofap thread. If I could get the Iphone blocked that would help alot especially at night. All best,
    Max
     
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