Old Tom's Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Old Tom Bombadil, Feb 4, 2021.

  1. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    OTB, Saville is right; you'll get on another streak. If you made it to 100 days, you can certainly do it again. I'm also in a battle royale right now. This morning has been rough. But each time we push back against the beast, we win a battle in this war. It's all about not taking that first peek. You can do this. Power to you, bro.
     
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  2. Saville and Moz your kind support and positive words are REALLY just what I need at this point thank you. Moz you are absolutely right about the first peek leads to disaster. Stop the peek keep the streak! In a perverse way its kind of funny that for me the "keystroke journey" to this website begins the same way as P as I use Google Incognito for both activities. This is because they are in their way clandestine one for wholly negative reasons the other for the positive one that the battle against porn must be a solitary one its just too damaging to be shared with family. Today I clicked on google incognito with half a mind to look at P but thought I would look at the forum first and I am really glad I did. Moz good luck with todays battle I know you can do it! All best,
    Tom
     
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  3. TryGuy65

    TryGuy65 Active Member

    Hey 'old' Tom. Thanks for the visit... First and foremost, You're only in your 50s! Shit, @Saville has grandkids older then that.... Now that dude's an inspiration.

    Wish I could give you some sound sage advice about this journey. But after 5 years of lurking, sometimes actively participating, there is only one recommendation I can make. And my recommendation is the same as the grand wizards - post in your J every day, and read/post in the J's of others... The only true downside of this forum, is the lack of active participants(unless you want to venture into the youngsters threads)... Who the fuck wants to admit that porn is an issue in their lives... And it's probably not the porn that's the true problem - it's the delivery method of it... Porn in the 'old' days was slow. You had to work to obtain it... And if you had some, it probably just lead to some good sex with a partner if you had one, or a quick mo and you were done... Now it's one screen (sometime multiple screens) with us seeking that 'one' shot that will do it for us. Hours can fly bye... We edge till we can edge no more:rolleyes: Then we feel like shit! It just sucks the lifeforce out of us... So we 'recover' for a few days, start feeling good, our libido kicks back up, and all of sudden we have the (overwhelming) desire to release all that pent up energy. Next thing you know, you're searching donkey-sex and have no understanding why you find that interesting... That's the wash- rinse - repeat cycle and the roller coaster of emotions that comes with it. One peek is never the last. That's the battle. I wish you luck in winning the war.

    Have a good swim - and yes, fuck porn.
     
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2021
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  4. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    :D

    Uhm, because it's the bomb! :p

    So true!
     
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  5. Thanks for your comments TryGuy. Yes Saville is an inspiration and a real positive force for good on this site. Agreed about porn sucking the life force out of us. For me when the best has got me its not every few days its every few hours! Not only does P waste hours and hours and really depresses me and make me feel like shit mentally it has a physical effect it deprives me of sleep and stresses me out - all that edging and creeping around...In the most recent episode in the battle I have done one smart thing I have lent my daughter my smart phone (she's lost hers) this means I cannot look at porn in the middle of the night when I am alone in bed. This means the only "venue" is the desktop computer in my office - this impediment makes it harder to access porn which makes it easier to not access porn. Yesterday was a good day Pwise and more generally. Very little time on the computer and the garden all day doing loads of little jobs and one really big one. The weather here is annoyingly hot for working outside but I am to get out there again today in a few minutes. Fuck porn.
     
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  6. TryGuy65

    TryGuy65 Active Member

    One day at a time...

    Unproductive time at the PC is a slippery slope that's hooked me way too many times. Never been a huge phone consumer of porn. (i much prefer the larger screen) (and I like have both hands free so one can grab the tissue:rolleyes:)
    I guess a tablet would be ok...

    Just keep postin' and readin'... Acknowledging the problem at least can move us a bit forward in dealing with it. But this shit is a challenge...
     
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  7. Yes indeed TryGuy one day at a time one day at a time. Well I have now had a streak of several days and feel much better for it. Still got a mountain to climb but I am no longer just lying horizontal being fucked over by the beast every day. I feel I have succeeded in getting the beast's foot?/hoof? off my throat and am still at the base of the mountain but at least I am now sitting looking up :)
     
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  8. Continuing to feel better and stronger. Starting to get some perspective on the period of PMO binge - it was actually quite short less than three weeks - and prior to that I had a streak of over 100 days. I guess what I am trying to say is that the binge was a blip - not the way I normally live. Onward and upward!
     
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  9. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Right on!
     
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  10. Another good weekend and still P free!
     
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  11. wintersturme

    wintersturme New Member


    That sounds so like my experiences the last ten years. Hours do fly bye watching porn. The quest for always something new. And the fact that you get customised lists of videos of images that may be your cup of tea certainly makes the whole experience even more addictive. For me there was always that extra click to see the next video lined up, just to be sure that you haven't missed anything. Doesn't that sound pathetic, the idea of missing out on porn... Anyway that is the way I always felt after watching hours of porn. I would sit back and just thought how pathetic it was.

    It does indeed feel like a war and the crazy thing is the first victories do not feel as victories only for a short while. Then I'm back to feeling those creeping urges to peek and the last victory feels like a waste of energy and effort. I know that it wasn't a waste of effort but it does feel that way when the next battle begins.

    Anyhow thanks for the wise words and I wish you many victories.
     
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  12. TryGuy65

    TryGuy65 Active Member

    Beating ourselves up is really unproductive. Just makes the journey even more difficult... I wish us both many victories in the battles we face. Winning the war is my goal...
     
  13. Thanks Wintersturme and TryGuy. Agreed on the frustration at hours wasted and also the futility of beating ourselves up, though that negative energy following a post-porn binge can be turned around into something more positive if we find a way to side step the next craving. I find the cravings do get less over time but random triggers can still have a strong effect and this can be anything often accidental were I havent gone looking for it such as TV or online advertising - like what happened to me last night for example. For me I find little mental tricks help nlike when a craving come thinking of something that will distract my brain long enough for the craving to pass. This has changed over time when I had my best streak of a bit over a year that ended during the pandemic I would pinch myself and focus on the sensation - it may sound weird but it worked. At the moment I sometimes visualise from my toes each digit upwards, then up the rest of my feet, ankles, shins and usually by the time I get to visuallising the knees the craving has passed. Again it sounds weird but it works for me. Power to you both - Tom
     
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  14. wintersturme

    wintersturme New Member


    Thanks for the tip on pinching. It worked for me today.

    I also agree that beating ourselves is not very productive. I haven't relapsed (ok that is perhaps not the most impressive thing since I've been abstaining for only 9 days, but still), so I feel kind of happy about that and not pathetic. I have been trying some mindfulness also, see where that gets me with focussing on the presence. It sounds like your visualisation technique is in the same ball park. Again thanks for the tips.
     
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  15. Wintersturme I am glad my tips helped. I feel a bit of a fraud playing the wise old guy as I fell down on Friday with a mega binge. The days leading up to it were real bad sleepwise and workstress was building - got a presentation this coming Tuesday and the opportunity came up. Just got to try to keep it to a single day but the dopamine was flowing big time so the cravings are going to be real tough...
     
  16. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    As had been written on here many times "neurons that fire together, wire together." It's a bitch to not reach for our computers and crotch when the dopamine devil calls our name. That devil will use anything at its disposal. "You need to relieve your stress," or "your presentation worked out so well, you deserve a reward." It has you coming and going.

    Here's to a new a longer streak!
     
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  17. Still falling down. I know I have to get back to where I was. Knowing and doing are not the same thing
     
  18. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Today you fall up! :)
     
  19. badger

    badger Active Member

    the way i figure it is this. indulge the old man for a bit. say i am building a house. everyday i work on it. some days i do the walls. next day the roof. next day the doors. etc. the point is that slowly. surely. trudging along everyday i do a little bit. now one day something comes up, no pun intended, and i don't work on the house that day. next day another distraction-don't work on it that day. next day i am out of town-don't work on the house that day. after the 4th day i come back and continue working on the house where i left off. does that mean that i lost all the work i had previously done on the house. no. maybe a shingle fell or a hinge came off the door. but i repair that and continue with my building. now i agree, if i ignore the house for an extended period of time-entropy. it will start falling apart and i have to start from square one. just another one of my ramblings. hang in there. i am.
     
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  20. Saville and Badger thanks loads both for supportive comments - they really helped at a critical time. Coming up to six days clean now but small obstacles, stresses and triggers makes the beast wake up big time. Going to try to hang on day by day - no porn till tmw, next day and the next etc.
     
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