You said it! @Mozenjo wondered out loud why some men could break the addiction and not others. I've been thinking about that over the past couple of days and here's what I've come up with. We need a plan. It isn't enough to just try and stay clean. At the beginning of this journey I wanted to get my mojo back. I wanted to feel some swagger, to be energized to the things around me. I had no idea how this was going to happen, but somehow I got the idea that I would woo my wife back. I stayed clean for about 3 months, I think, waiting on our holiday to Europe. I had decided that once in Europe I would make my move. I even bought some lube in case my wife complained of dry vagina. This is all in my journal so I needn't go on about here. However, having that plan really energized me. I wasn't doing it for my wife, I was doing it only for me. For the first time in my life I was putting myself first. I will tell you that is a glorious feeling. Fuck the wife, fuck the kids. What do I want? From that standpoint I stumbled forward, making a lot of mistakes, pissing people off, but I felt like I'd returned to my real self, a coming home, if you will. I've written these things over and over again here. In my success story I listed a lot of the things that helped me. The two most important of these things are: 1) I'm doing this for myself. 2) Recovery is an action.