I am a porn addict, have been since I was 17(?), now 28. Realised by reading some of your sister sites that I am a textbook case. I feel that many a social/career opportunity has been missed by a general feeling of fogginess, malaise and anxiety. I am now in a long term relationship (engaged), with the love of my life. She is also a porn user and I have told her I feel I have a problem and says she doesn't care whether I look at porn or not - but the problem is it matters to me and makes me feel guilty, grotty and generally awful, and TBH I'd much rather my sexuality revolved around her than 2D strangers. Also I have noticed the beginnings of ED, which may have been just a temporary hitch, but I'm not taking any chances! I need to shake this off, I want to feel confident, focused and in control of my libido (I'm not now - no matter how I may try and fool myself). So I'm giving it all up starting now, and want to transition to a fullfilling sex life unemcumbered by these hollow, damaging solo persuits that have very little in common with the real thing. I hope it improves my energy levels because I have a lot of plans for this year and I'm always so damn tired and unmotivated. So here goes! I know its going to be really hard, but wish me luck!
Welcome! The proactive nature you're taking is fantastic. Congrats on the engagement. You are right, this will be difficult but resolve overcomes all.
Thanks! It was hard to write that, but it feels good to see it written down you know? To be that honest with myself. I'm really trying to get myself back on track atm, after a long time of feeling lost - this is something to deal with now or else its just going to dominate my life and make me crap more stuff up.
Airing out something like this is tough. I really struggled with it when I first got involved in this community but you'll find a lot of support here and a lot of people going through the same battles you are. I feel the same about getting back on track, and I assume most people here share our sentiments. As time goes on the momentum you build becomes your new fix. You want to feel good and the more you abstain the better you feel and the more you want to sustain it. To edit a quote from Rick James and the Chapelle Show, "Self-improvement is a hell of drug"
There's nothing to be ashamed of, you're trying for a better life and putting in an effort to get there that most people wouldn't even consider. You should be proud! Do you think your fiancée will join in rebooting at some point? She might be convinced by the positive effects it has on you.
Ok this is hard, but so it begins. Great name for your journal. When you have rebooted 'it' will also be hard and you can start the rest of your PMO free life.
Wow, your fiance uses porn too. That might make it even harder for you. In other words, you won't have the motivation that your wife would frown on your use as a way to motivate you to stop. With your extra challenge, here's something I think you need to stay focused on: you mentioned feeling tired and unmotivated. I am convinced that PMO causes this, and have even found other websites that describe the chemical releases in our bodies when we MO that don't happen with regular sex, that may cause all kinds of health problems, even cancer. I myself, before coming to YBOP, knew that something chemically bad was happening in my body due to PMO, making me tired and unmotivated, basically SICK. That's one of the main reasons I wanted to quit, along with just knowing my wife would disapprove, and having ED. So please remember that you NEED to quit PMO, and probably all masturbation, to get rid of and prevent this tirednesss and malaise! Good luck!
