Ok let's do this.

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Ponts, Jan 16, 2022.

  1. Ponts

    Ponts New Member

    Hi YBR,

    Day 1:
    I've decided to make a real go at quitting porn forever. I've tried a few times over the last 15-20 years, but always on my own, and without any of the resources that are available now.

    I wouldn't say I'm an addict, but looking at and masturbating to porn has certainly become a daily habit/ritual, especially over the last ten years or so with smart phones coming into my life. Before that, however, I would seek out porn whenever I had access to a private computer or cable hookup, and porn has been in my life in some way for almost 30 years.

    My impetus for quitting for good now is realizing that I have felt a low-lying depression sadness ever since my teens, and I suspect it is at least partially linked to my relationship with porn. In the end, it just feels like the right time to do this.

    My short-term goal is to make it to the end of Good Friday 2022 P free, which will be 90 days. There's no religious connection for me, it's just that Good Friday happens to be 90 days from today, and therefore an easy milestone marker.

    I'm not particularly against M, but I am also challenging myself to be M free until the end of Valentine's Day 2022, which is conveniently 30 days from today.

    I think the M portion will be the hardest, at least at the beginning. It's certainly been hard today, but I think I can get through the rest.

    Thanks; looking forward to connecting and working through this together!
     
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  2. Ponts

    Ponts New Member

    Day 2:
    So I've been horny since last night. That's probably the most difficult thing right now: the urge to M. My brain has been trying to justify it, with the strongest argument being that that has not been the real problem for me, just the porn viewing. So far no action on my part.
    Weekday afternoons will be the most difficult time, as that was when my PM ritual would usually be (like a mid-afternoon coffee break!). Probably the evenings as well, just before bed.
     
  3. Ponts

    Ponts New Member

    Day 3:
    MO'ed today. But...there was no P, and the image(s) involved someone I know and based on a past situation. So, I'm counting that as a win, or at least not counting it as a relapse. I guess that puts me in Lite reboot mode? With that said, I've set up M as a negative habit in a tracker, and am going to try to go longer and longer without it.
    As I've said, M on its own has never been an issue/problem. It's the daily P ritual that I'm changing.
    I will say that I was certainly tempted to use P: it just makes the whole process so much easier.
    On that front, I've been able to avoid all artificial stimulation since Sunday, including social media and pictures of women I know (my old last resort - I'll even take a LinkedIn shot if I can!).
    I'm sure the P urge will come on strong soon.
     
  4. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    All the best for your streak @Ponts
     
  5. Ponts

    Ponts New Member

    Thanks for the support!
     
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  6. Ponts

    Ponts New Member

    Day 4:
    So funny, last night I was watching something with my wife and there was a scene where one of the characters was in a yoga class, and I just kept staring at her breasts. I didn't even know I did it until much later, after the show was over. The kicker, though, is that once I remembered the scene later, I immediately wanted to google the actress to see more images, which is something I would normally. I didn't/haven't, and even if I did I wouldn't use them to MO, but I would still feel the rush of looking at new images of an attractive woman.
    And for what? Once my curiosity was satisfied, I would close the browser and move on, so why waste the time in the first place?
    Anyway, these are the types of behaviors that may hinder my reboot - the "harmless" googling of actresses, celebrities, and women/acquaintances in my life, just to get a hit of dopamine from looking at them.
     
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  7. realness

    realness Well-Known Member

    Welcome Ponts! It's so amazing to see how quickly you've identified some behaviors and thought processes that aren't healthy after just a little space from P and PMO. Keep it up! Poke around here and check out other journals. I've been enriched and challenged with the wisdom to be found here.
     
  8. Ponts

    Ponts New Member

    Thanks realness. Yes, it's amazing to see how many others are going through similar experiences.
     
  9. Ponts

    Ponts New Member

    Day 5: No P; no M, but another TV show, and another attractive actress. That's fine on its own (in my books), especially since I didn't seek out the show, it was just something my wife was watching. But now I have the urge to google this actress for more images, to replace regular P (P-lite!). Not going to, but there it is.
     
  10. Ponts

    Ponts New Member

    Day 11:
    No journaling for a while, but I'm happy to say I'm at least 10 days P-free, not including today. The weekend was hard, especially during the afternoon 'quiet time', when my kid, wife and I all go to our separate spaces to rest/nap/read for at least an hour, and which you can probably expect is perfect PMO time. Anyway, I managed to resist consuming P and any artificial stimuli, so that's a win. I've managed to go longer without P in the past, so I'm expecting the urge to hit me hard in a few weeks, especially as I get used to not looking at it. For now I'm getting through on sheer will, but also with the conviction of living a P-free life, which I've never really had before. Continually going back to books, articles, support videos and other resources is helping keep the goal in mind.
     
    Rudolf Geyse and realness like this.
  11. realness

    realness Well-Known Member

    Glad to hear you're doing well Ponts. It's so crazy how similar our journeys can be. I've also just recently been troubled by seeing a TV show and one of the attractive actresses has a very similar look to a favorite P star and off go the urges and thoughts and curiosity. I'm fighting the urges as they pop up. I also have the quiet times over the weekend where the wife and kids go nap and it's an opportunity to PMO. This last weekend during those times I came here to journal, and also enjoyed some beers and really good NFL playoff games. It's easier during warmer weather if I just start working on some outdoor work it carries me away from the temptations.

    Keep coming here friend, it's a refreshing drink in a dry world.
     
  12. Ponts

    Ponts New Member

    Thanks @realness - yeah, I've been good at just NOT consuming P during those urges. I find it helps to be prepared ahead of time for the temptation. E.g. on the weekends I know there's going to be quiet time, so I try to anticipate the urge and decide what I'm going to do/not do. Like I said, I've been pretty good at just not looking at porn when I want to, but will likely need a better strategy in the future. Actually, one of my fears is going so long without P that I forget I've quit it, and just start consuming again. Ha, how brains work. Anyway, thanks for the support!
     
  13. Ponts

    Ponts New Member

    25 days I believe, after today. Almost a month. I do miss P. I was so familiar with certain videos and clips that I think of them as old friends. As if the P stars are waiting for me to come back home or something. Such a strong pull. Just trying to keep telling myself that no, they aren't waiting for me. They don't know me, or care about me. Hell, some may even be dead, or no longer in P, or really unhappy doing it. It's just having watched so much and repeat viewings it just became so comforting. Like favorite songs. I just hope one day I won't want it anymore.
     
  14. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    It's interesting reading this tonight as I've felt this way lately also. Completely agree with you on probably needing a better strategy for dealing with this. Keep on keeping on, man!!
     

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