Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by needtoohigh, Feb 8, 2013.
congratulations with your new job. I hope it ''works'' for you
Thank you all and thank you flesh for your support with my new job. I will leave the "sales" side and go into a clinical position. All of which will probably be MUCH better for me. Less stress in chasing a damn number every day of my waking life. Teaching others of which I have a deep love and passion for, so I'm sure things will be better.
Rocking strong still. I nearly had a weak moment today, but quickly got past it and endured the pull!
All is well.
Thank you all again!
Closing out Day 26 here today! Wow! Now that's a trip that I've made it this far so far. It really doesn't seem like a long time at all. It's been good and I've endured through a lot of emotional stress, heartbreak, and discontent in many areas of my life.
I've felt the pull stronger recently though and that's a problem in my opinion. I know how this goes for me, so I want to stay ahead of the fight here.
Over the last 4 days, I've had real sex twice. I feel like that has thrown me off a bit. After the first time, I felt like I was "ok," although, I could certainly feel the pull for more. I felt the pull to MO and noticed that I started "looking" more at women and having fantasy thoughts as before. Then after the second time, the pull was much stronger. I caught myself, "looking" a LOT more and in a very intense way (as before). I had fantasy thoughts and was really pulled towards MO and self touch. I staved it all off though and I didn't do it. This was obviously the "addicted brain" getting a "bump" from real sex once and then doing ok and then getting another "hit" or "fix" a second time a day later.
It goes to show just how fragile my brain still is at the 25th day or so, and to be very careful with things. In some ways I felt a sense of relief after the first sex (duh), but that "relief" feeling did not last all that long at all... then after the second time, I felt less of a relief of things. Bottom line here (for the addicted brain) is that it's NOT about "relief" it's about connection etc. At 25 days, I still see it as and seek it out as "relief" and there in lies the problem.
I won't dwell on that issue, only to be aware of it and I'm sure as time goes on, things will continue to be better balanced out and eventually, it won't be a relief. I don't think I can have relief unless I have a need. Do I "need" sex?? Do we "need" sex? No. Not really.
I feel I'm on the right track still and I am so very thankful that I did NOT fall here. If there were a time to fall it would have been right about now with how I just explained I was feeling.
Hope this makes some kind of sense and I hope this helps others. Just know that we remain very fragile for quite some time and do not get complacent with things and especially with the brain we are trying to re-balance!
I read: "wanking life", but I got it wrong :
Flesh: Of course you did. I do the same stuff with a number words in a number of places!!! That's strange right? Just how much it really affects our brains!
To add to my above post AND speaking of "wanking" the wife "wanked" me off this morning. Given the above post by me, God knows I probably did not need that! However, I didn't say no... It was quick, simple and over in a flash of course, but still. At this point, I feel ok and am riding on!
Day 27 today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Odd/Random thought. I feel like I'm beginning to see "sex" as the over-all enemy. I guess that is "sex" from and addict perspective of course. Lust, Looking, chasing, carrying on, fantasizing... Ughhh! Just a damn MESS. And all for what? All for a moment of pure pleasure. Yes, pure pleasure. The orgasm. That "moment" in time... oh so damn powerful. And for what?? That moment?? Ugggh! What a waste!
Anyway... just a random though of sorts I guess. It's all just best to leave it ALL alone as we re-balance. Life will be better. It's been proven here at YBOP over and over and over and over and over. In the end, life IS better!
Hi needtoohigh, old friend...
That is quite a thought. I have also felt that way at times, many times. That the aftershocks of that wonderful act, the orgasm just are not worth it.
But, I think love helps mitigate this somewhat. When we are lucky enough to be in a loving relationship and the physical bonding of the two "lovers" goes beyond just "sex"... something special occurs. I don't have mere words to describe it. I don't always experience it either, sometimes my wife is just good to me and gives me release, which is not what I am talking about.
It is a special experience described by poets and sages and romantics far better than I ever will.
Don't give up hope needtoohigh!!! Your pursuit of a good re-balance is the first step as it gets us off the mechanical sex/orgasm/regrets cycle and allows us to open up to the deeper forms of lovemaking.
Stay well brother.
Thanks fcj! Very good words. I appreciate your support and wisdom. Hope you're doing well, it's good to see you here again.
Today will be day 28! I set a 30 day goal and am quite excited to see that I'm so close! I'm doing well, with all goals at this point. What impresses me is the no picture taking! Wow... I will talk more on that once I hit goal. I'm not there YET!
I've only been awake for 1.5hrs today and I have showered, dressed, cleaned up the house, opened the blinds, started the laundry, have a task list for a little bit of work, have three appointments that I'm ready for today and I'm on a roll.
As I was opening the blinds today and letting the sun in, I stopped and sort of bathed in that sunlight for a moment and I had a profound thought and then said to myself out loud, "Wow... 29 days ago, I would have NEVER had this many things done and accomplished at this point!"
It's nice to have that thought and to feel comfortable and confident knowing that there is a remarkable difference without PMO/MO.
Life is a little better already.
Everyone here have a GREAT solid day! It's a GREAT day to ride in the fight! Stay strong everyone!
I see it differently. Sex is great, what is not great is having sex with yourself. Since I learned that lesson things have been great. I no longer see being horny as a problem, I see it as a sign of health and virility. I no longer worry about being triggered because I don't play with myself . . . ever! Once I reached that conclusion the whole picture changed and I was able to be calm about sex.
Sex is a wonderful part of life and I am thankful for it. Sex is not so wonderful, however, if it's not a team sport.
As always, very good insight LTE.
I think I'm speaking from more of a sex addict perspective though, because I do agree with you that "sex" in the healthy context is good and great. However, the two key words are "healthy context" in my case.
See, I believe that my addicted brain remains so unbalanced still that I treat and/or view "sex" as playing with myself if you will. For me it's still just the act of doing it, the act and feeling of getting off to satisfy that "fix" of a craving etc.
That's pretty deep and probably pretty insightful and unfortunately probably right on target! Of which means, that I must limit or turn off sex as a whole while I continue to re-balance. That may be a bit extreme, but it's probably the best thing to do. At minimum though, when it does come to real sex, I need to stop any fantasy process in my mind, control those thoughts, and enjoy it for the closeness and intimacy as it was designed to be enjoyed. Hard to do at this point of course, but at least I'm aware of what should happen.
Bottom line here for me is... after each time, I felt like I could have just MO'd and it would have been the same result. This is an obvious indicator that I'm still way off balance .
Letting the sun shine in, and enjoying the productivity of a No PMO lifestyle. Fly on, Nighthawk.
Sexual gratification requires the sexual energy of another person. It's impossible to find gratification alone . . . no ifs, ands or buts. Keep this in mind, it really helps.
Today is Day 29! One day short of my goal. wow!
What is crazy is that I feel a HUGE pull today to PMO/MO!! HUGE!
I had to get up and walk away. I suppose being home alone all day doesn't help! I need to get up and get out and get busy!
I'm still good though, but man it's not easy today for some reason!
Way to manhandle that demon and show it who's boss. Very well done indeed. I'm on my second trip also and Underdog sent me a post that posits focusing on your life goals as a positive way to achieve your goal without trying on total abstinence solely. Reflect and envision the best you and write it down. All the best,
Seems that when we get close to a goal or a milestone, there is an extra pull back into the darkness. I had the same today as I approach double digits for the first time. But I got past it by removing myself from the situation. We can do it. Its just not worth it to screw up.
Stick with it man, it gets easier.
That pull you are experiencing as you close on your goal is something I was familiar with... have some weapons handy. Your instinct told you to get up and get out. That is good. Socialize, exercise, take a shower, read, write, listen to music, play music, meditate, pray, do anything you can that will use the moment constructively.
You know this inside, just hope all our suggestions will reinforce this.
Wow... Onion, LTE, FC, BVM and others.
Thank you for the awesome support! I did just that... I got away and got out in the world and started doing things. I got a little caught up in "looking" today that's for sure, but I turned that off as well. A lot of other bad shit could have went down today, but I persevered and stayed strong! I'm so very glad I did too!
Thank you all again for the support.
THIS is key. Very key... If I just sit there it's a bad outcome. I had to get up and move away and move about. Whew!
I'm in the evening now and doing better. Wife just called though and threw a fucking giant wrench in my system! Ughhhh! Maybe this "wife" thing is just not for me man! What a pain in the ASS!
Everyone stay strong!
Very impressive. You are doing very well.
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