Odyssey of a 20 yr old.( Regular update)daywise journey

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Mickeymouse, Feb 12, 2018.

  1. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 93

    I had somehow passed in the middle of the day and I was dreaming that was masturbating. I almost fell for the bait in the dream. However I later realised that it was a dream.
     
  2. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 95

    Tried sleeping without clonazepam for like 4 days now. It's just like i close me eyesvand lie there for like 6 hrs and when I open my eyes I am still tired. When I go to doctor they say it's depression and give me anti depressants but I don't feel sad all the time. Yes I am worried about my health. I feel like I have ruined my life by masturbating for like 5 yrs or so
     
  3. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 96

    It's 1.02 am in the night . I just read about a story on the internet where in a guy had to finally get a penile implant. I am afraid I cannot afford to have a penile implant and also the concept is not acceptable among the people where I live . I don't know whether it's the anxiety or over masturbation or realisation that I have done some harm to my body that is not letting me fall asleep and have a good sleep. Concepts like penile tissue damage freak me out. For some time during this 95 days streak I was not bothering about this damage. But now I am back to the same process. This thinking invites hell lot of troubles . It never lets you enjoy the life.
     
  4. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    It's just 50 mins since I have written here. My brain is trying to overpower me and take me towards pmo again. Whenever I feel the tension it's bound to take me to pmo . But let's hang on to not falling for this .
     
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  5. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 98

    I am falling asleep but waking up very tired. My chest pains a lot after I wake up. Almost every joint of my body makes a cracking sound. I was planning to prepare for a couple of exams because I was at home but I do not know how I will manage that with so tiredness. The story is getting back to where it actually started. I have been regular for walks for the past 156 days. When I see into the mirror the tiredness can be seen into my eyes. I am hopefull that Allah SWT will get me out of this soon.
     
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2019
  6. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

    Glad that you are still with us. Have you been to see a doctor or a counselor about what you are dealing with? Any sort of reoccurring pain should not be ignored.

    You will get through this!

    Be kind to yourself and those around you.

    PC
     
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  7. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 100

    Just woke up. I am extremely tired. I do not know the reason. Yesterday I did some physical tasks like fitting a ceiling fan and was actually very tired. Prior to knowing that PMO had devastating effects I was able to fall asleep. But after I got to know about the I'll effects of PMO my sleep which was there slowly turned to sleep with tiredness, then into difficulty in falling asleep and so on.
     
  8. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    I m lying down since an hour now and not been able to fall asleep . Guys can it be that I have damaged the sleeping system very badly such that I am not able to get sleep at all?

    It's the 9 th day since I did not take clonazepam 0.5 mg which helps me fall asleep .
     
  9. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 104

    I woke up to a wet dream. I had leaked some urine. Perhaps my bladder was full and I urinated some. After going to the bathroom I saw some semen also. After cleaning I slept and woke up again to a wet dream this time it was masturbation I had struggled to keep away myself from masturbation but finally slipped. This was all happening in the sleep. But this time I believe it was semen and not urine. My joints still crack terribly although there is not noticeable pain but when almost every joint of yours crack very often then it keeps you worried.
     
  10. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 105


    I just woke up and feel the terrible tiredness. What can explain this tiredness. Moreover it's like I just closed the eyes and just opened it now. I feel like I never slept. I don't know what is happening to me since the last 2 yrs.
     
  11. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 108


    My chest pains when ever I sit or stand or do anything in a particular position for more than 4-5 mins. The pain subsides when I stretch my arms and expand the chest and the middle joint which is present between the chest cracks. Every bone of mine I feel has become weak .I have been doing like 20 pushups daily. My hands make terrible noise when I do pushups.
    I went to a part yesterday and there were some medium intensity exercises there and every 19-20 yr old was trying that. When I tried I was able to do but withing 5 min I got so tired that I had sweat all over my face. I get tired easily with every light physical activities .I read this on a forum that one becomes very tired when he constantly engages in masturbation. I overdid did it I think. I feel can this tiredness be cured or will I have to survive the whole life with the tiredness ?
     
  12. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 113

    Woke up to a wet dream. It did not take place cpletey as in my sub conscious I thought i had to control it otherwise I would urinate. Later the same night I got another wetdream because the previous one was not complete. This time I did not even realise that I had a wet dream untill I woke up usual and saw it myself. Now because because I could not sleep nicely I feel the tiredness .
     
  13. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 115

    I had precum or semen lekage twice once in the midnight when woke up after a bad dream and started fantasizing. And once this morning. Strangely I was doing very well interms of managing any small urges. I don't know why I feel I am becoming a little bogged down by urges now. Any how I did not masturbate. I was like lying on the stomach and because all the pressure was on my front part of the body I got erections.
     
  14. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 116

    Again I had precum leakage today as well perhaps watching TV series is letting that. There was a very less initiate scene and I skipped it and get I had a leakage. I am feeling somewhat tired after all this.I deleted all the TV series. Friends and braking bad was the TV series that I had. Are TV series like suits, the flash, Luther also having such scenes?

    I woukd avoid watching them if they had any. It's just that I want to improve my language and at the same time get used to hearing the accent that will help in attending to the listening section of an exam that I might write.
     
  15. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 120


    I had fever. I woke up in the middle of night at around 2.30. I was not able to fall back asleep . But when I woke up it was like 8.30 am so I din't knew how and when did I fall back asleep .but again after waking up that terrible feeling of being extremely tired wit your chest area paining. I don't know when shall this be going to end.
     
  16. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 122

    It's 2.30 am in the night. It's the 30 th day since I did not take a clonazepam. Hence irregular sleep . I have fever thought paracetamol would be helping me sleep but I think it made no difference. I feel like I am trying to win an already lost battle. Atleast I must have improved my sleep by now. I can only fall asleep by 2 am and suppose by any chance certificate if I fall asleep before 2 I will wake up within next 4hrs. Then again after trying bad I fall asleep and wake up after 2-3 hrs. And when I wake up my body pains like hell. Just pray for me. It's like my body needs sleep to heal from the fever. But because I am not giving it that the process takes longer.
     
  17. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    It's over 2hr 30 min since I am awake. I am lying on the bed since 1 hr and sleep is nowhere to find. Hence forced to take clnazepam. I was like I should not take it at any cost .I wanted to continue the streak of not taking it. But I feel I need to take it now. May Allah ease my difficulties.
     
  18. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 131


    Got a bit busy with my uncle so did not got to think about anything else.
     
  19. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 135

    Yesterday again I tried sleeping without clnazepam. I woke up like 4-5 times last night. It was horrible. I don't know what is wrong with my sleep.
     
  20. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 139

    On day 138 I got a wet dream. I felt like I ejaculated without being erect. Also in the dream I felt like it was a premature ejaculation. Also the quantity of semen was quite less.l don't know why I am obsessing over small small details. I just want to be safe in the future and address all the issues now itself .
     

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